Catholic cohabitation struggles

Probs to you! My fiancé and I are patiently waiting for our December wedding. We are also getting married in the catholic (devout cradle catholic right here! 👋🏼) church. We are fortunate to have roommates and living situations that work well with our income, and it’s not a huge burden for us to live separately at this time. However, when we do get a home in December, the amount of money we’ll be saying finally paying one rent will be so nice 😍😊
you can do whatever you want. I would just encourage you to think about the joy and happiness that comes with marriage, and don’t cheat yourself out of the “change” factor of moving in and *finally* getting to live with your spouse. Having this time apart, not living with each other, has lead me and my fiancé to be so much more excited for the wedding, and appreciative of the little things. I’m so excited for the big change in December to be able to live together and truly live this amazing beautiful life together in every aspect. We’ve waiting so long! It’s so worth it!
so I would encourage you to look at all the options, and it’s not the worse thing in the world to wait until the big day to move in together 😊

I am getting married in a Catholic church, and the priest is well aware that we are living together. I am not sure how others are, but ours did not have an issue with it. A lot of couples are choosing to live together before getting married these days..

We lived together for 1.5 years before we got married, and my husband isn't baptized or confirmed... and we got married in the Catholic Church! Our priest made no mention about cohabitation and had us sign paperwork stating that we agree to raise our children in the Catholic Church (due to the issue of my husband not being catholic).

This 100% depends on the priest and on the diocese in which you’re getting married. Some priest are fairly laid back about this, others will decline marrying you if you live together. All you can do is be honest with your priest and hope he’s on the laid back side.

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That's lovely that it's important to you to wait to live together until you are married, but it seems that isn't what OP is looking for or even asking about.

I personally find it pretty offensive to suggest that one is cheated out of something by moving in with someone they love before they get married. Very judgmental. I would never judge someone for not living with their FS before marriage, even though it's something I would never do.

My fiancé and I are Catholic and getting married in the Catholic Church. I think the Catholic Church has become a little more understanding that many couple today cohabitate, even though it’s still not the Church’s preference. Our priest found out we were living together during our first meeting- no big deal. We just had to complete an extra session on our FOCCUS questionnaire. I doubt the church will deny marrying you because you live together.

No one can tell you what position your priest will take. Even telling you that it likely won't be a problem could be giving you false reassurance.

If you are meeting with your priest soon and your FH is not moving until September, you will know before he moves what your priests' position is. Then it's up to the two of you if you want to follow his advice or not.

The priest will still marry you but will advice you both to live separately. It is frowned upon. The right thing as a Christian is to live separately anyways. Goodluck

As others have said this is very priest dependent. My future SIL was living with her boyfriend and they also had a kid and he was fine marrying them. However our priest almost wouldn’t marry us because we were only doing a 6 month engagement and traditional prep is supposed to be a year. I don’t know where he stands in living together but he’s brought up several times that’s he’s so happy we are not.

I really think you’ll find someone you’ve just got to, for lack of a better term, shop around.

Everyone has their own preference when it comes to living arrangements. We mostly do not live together because we live in different cities untill I move to his into our new house after we’re married. I totally get wanting to save money. I might try some of the newer churches in the area or a big church at a university if you guys are in the city. We checked out those options too and they were willing to marry us pretty much no questions asked as long as we were baptized and had not previously been married.

Very dependent on the church/priest you are going to. I was nervous for this as well, but our priest was totally fine with it.

I would assume a traditional Catholic priest will deny this. We have two friends getting married in 2 weeks. The man was married prior, but got his wedding annulled so they could be married in the Catholic Church. Even though he got the marriage annulled, they still won't marry him in the church. They are opting for a non-denominational Christian ceremony instead. You could maybe ask your priest if sleeping in separate rooms would suffice, for monetary reasons?

Wow, so many judgemental responses on this thread.

OP, I had a traditional Catholic wedding with a traditional Catholic priest and he didn't care that we lived together for 6 years prior to getting married. Actually, he said it was probably an asset to us because we were used to communicating with each other about things that bothered us.

Anyway, you need to just talk to your priest about this. Some will say "we don't recommend it" but they honestly don't care. Others won't even mention it.

I don't think priests care about whether you live together or not. Our priest knows we live together and when we did pre-cana they also said that the church recognizes couples now live together so they do not frown upon it. I definitely don't think its something to hide from your priest. the most he may say is to not be together the night before or something but honestly they no longer care.

LMAO at it being "the right thing to do" to live separately. JFC with the judgment here.

View Quoted Comment OP wasn't looking for you to change her mind just advice on how to move forward with her plans.

OP - look around your area on various websites or even Yelp to figure out where to find priests who tend to be a little progressive.

We are having a Catholic wedding and we currently cohabitate. We actually met with two priests (the one marrying us in our hometown and our priest in the parish we belong to where we live) the priest marrying us advised us that living together is not ideal but he is still marrying us. Our priest has no issue at all. So really depends on your priest.

I grew up strict Roman Catholic. Ever since I turned 21 my grandmother would bless me with holy water every time I would visit and would tell me "I am praying to St. Joseph to send you a husband". Hahahaha!!!! I'm 30, so real old maid status right here. Anyway, my fiancé and I moved in together about 3 1/2 years ago. It was very hard on my family and my grandma refused to speak to me as long as I "lived in sin" If I would call she would answer the phone and say "Are you married yet?" I would say "no" and then she would hang up. This lasted 8 months until I called and before she hung up I said "Grandma, I have something that I would like to say. You need not respond, but I need to say this to you and then you do with it what you will". She consented and this is what I said, and I think you approaching it this way with the priest and any family members that may disapprove will make the process a little easier.

"I understand why you are upset with us living together before marriage, and I respect you and your beliefs. I am not trying to change your mind on the matter, but I would like you to know why we chose to do things this way. You and mom and dad raised me to value marriage and take my vows seriously. I believe that marriage is for life, barring abuse and adultery, and so does (my fiancé). There is only so much that one can learn about the other without living together first. Such as, is he financially responsible with spending and with bills? Is he a slob and leave dirty dishes and clothes all over the house? Does he punch holes in the wall when he has a rough day at work and hide this from the outside world? I would not feel comfortable entering into a marriage for life without knowing these things. Truly knowing these things. Are we compatible after we both have tough days? Do we have the same expectations of the other when it comes to cooking meals, keeping house, contributing to the home financially? Are we the people we see now when we go out to dinner or to a movie as when we are back home and no one is looking? These are all serious things to consider. Marriage is hard and there will be tough times. Do we have the same conflict resolution? Again, I NEED to know these things before entering into holy matrimony. The other side of it is that the cost of living these days is extremely high. By living apart we would literally be spending twice the amount as we would by living together. That other half we plan on putting into savings with the intention of saving for a down payment on a house. It is both of our wish that we purchase a house and set a solid foundation to build our life together on. We don't want to spend a fortune on a wedding when we could instead purchase a home. (Fiancé) and I are committed to one another and I understand the risk that I may get hurt by living together first, but that is a risk I am prepared and willing to take. I love you, I respect you, and I appreciate you listening."

Well, a few days later she called me and told me that she still doesn't agree with it, but she understands. A year after this we purchased our home, using the savings that we built together and now that we are financially stable, we are having the wedding. I think that once they understand that you aren't doing it for ease of being promiscuous and that there is real logic behind it, they understand. Sorry for the essay response, I just know how difficult it can be and by handling the situation this way, it worked for me. Best of luck to you!