Catholic-ish

What aspects of a catholic ceremony are you/he looking for?

Totally possible! There are a couple of former priests in my area who officiate weddings and can add in "Catholic-ish" elements. It's just not recognized by the Church in the same way. You might also want to look into the Episcopal church. We call it "Catholic-lite" - super similar to a Catholic church, but more relaxed.

You can do religious readings. I’m not sure what Catholic things you’re looking to include.

You can include religious reading and wording wherever you hold your ceremony

That's tough I'm really sympathetic. If I were in your shoes I also wouldn't want to get an annulment especially if it wasn't true to my heart. I'm Catholic and I think there is so much the Church is just so behind on. Remember that you and your FH deserve each other. He's going to be over the moon excited to marry you. It's true that you'll be getting married in a different way than he may have envisioned, but he didn't know you when he envisioned those things. Basically I hope you can overcome any guilt this is causing you. I don't know your FH but "sacrificing" is a strong word and I'm not sure he would use it for this.

Unfortunately I'm drawing a blank on how to incorporate Catholic elements into the wedding. My FH is Jewish and we're having a Catholic ceremony but we'll dance the hora during the reception. I can't think of an equivalent if the situation were reversed. And I strongly discourage people to use any religious items only as decor.

Obviously a priest won't perform your ceremony but if you have a nondenominational christian minister perhaps they're willing to lead the Our Father prayer at some point. You could gift your FH a special rosary the day of. If you're doing a first look perhaps you can pray an Our Father or a Hail Mary before the ceremony together if you're comfortable with that. I can see it as a special and intimate moment.

You can always find an officiant to include Catholic elements in your ceremony. You can also have your marriage convalidated later on when you have time to go through the "annulment" process. I've been through it and was surprised at what did and didn't constitute a sacramental marriage. It's something you can always explore later. Best of luck to you!

I’m Catholic but am not doing a church wedding. I did see former priest officiants who marry mixed-faith couples. The thing is, I’ve been to many many Catholic weddings, and in my mind, the only thing different is the length and that it’s a mass typically. There are no must do rituals that are different from normal weddings. There’s talk of how it’s a sacrament. And maybe there’s a veneration of the Blessed Mother, but other than that, the key differentiator is that it’s in the church and there’s a mass. Unless I’m really out to lunch. I agree with looking into getting it recognized later. Or...finding an episcopal or other denomination that isn’t so rigid about the divorce.

I know that you’ve said you don’t want to go for an annulment but it might be worth a try. I’m Catholic and heard that Pope Francis just recently made it much easier for couples to get annulments (in terms of the time it takes and the process involved). You’d be surprised as well with how there are many reasons that make the marriage null.

For example, you’ve said that your ex just walked out one day. Perhaps he never truly made the vow of permanency. For a couple to be considered married they have to be free, total, faithful and fruitful. If he just walked out it sounds like his intentions were not for ‘totality’.

Also, marriage prep should not take 8 months! I’m not sure if it’s different for couples who were previously married, but we just did our marriage prep online and it took us just a few weeks.

What your fiancé might want is for your marriage to be recognised as a sacrament in the church? If not, you can definitely incorporate lots of traditions as others have mentioned.

Have you talked to your FHs church about the annulment? I won't go into details but my FH got his done in three months. With you not being Catholic I would think yours would be fast too. I suggest at least having a meeting with a Catholic Priest (if possible try a younger more liberal one). You can also talk to the priest about your uneasiness with an annulment and hopefully he can explain it in a manner that makes you feel more comfortable with it. Good luck.

We just finished our Catholic pre-marriage counseling, there was a couple there that was already married and was getting married in the Catholic Church after the fact. See if that could work for you. Basically get married now and do the Catholic ceremony later.

Thank you all for your words. It has really given me a lot to think about, and I appreciate your advice.

You should try to get the annulment, it wasn't your fault you were abandoned which is a circumstance that they will definitely grant an annulment for. I am Catholic so I know it doesn't take that long to get an annulment granted. I think they give crazy timelines for most stuff. My advice would be to go together to your FH priest and explain your situation I'm sure they can help you.

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Thank you. This was what my FH priest told us. Maybe he was trying to be conservative with the timeframe, but his words were that currently in Denver the annulment process has been taking about 12 months (14 in some cases) and that even though other parishes have a shorter timeline for Marriage Prep, the one they to is an 8 month process. He said because the annulment might not be granted, he would not permit us to being Marriage Prep until the annulment was finalized.

I have still begun the paperwork, but currently I am not sure where I stand on it.

I'm in Colorado Springs, I wonder if you could have it done here? it seriously took like 2 weeks. and our marriage prep was 8 classes so about a month and a half of Sundays. It was fun and we actually took a lot from it.

My FH and I are both Catholic, however neither of us ever got confirmed, so we are not able to get married inside of the church. However, we were able to find an officiant, who is a deacon and also a Catholic Father recognized by the Catholic Church, who officiates weddings outside of the church for those who want a Catholic-like wedding but are unable to do so inside the church. We are so happy we found him! Maybe you can look around your area for an officiant similar to ours who can add as much or as less Catholicism into your ceremony and that would be the best of both worlds for you both!

We would have been able to be married by a deacon inside the church in a Catholic style ceremony, but it wouldn’t be recognized by the church. I’m not sure common this is, but it is possible. Worth looking into.

I am currently going through the annulment process, and it has been so disheartening. I am not Catholic ( raised Lutheran and currently in RCIA) but my fiance really wants to be married in the church. If I had known that a non-catholic needed an annulment, I would have started the process years ago. We want to get married in the fall so badly and my witnesses have not even received their papers yet. I filed everything in October. I was told 12-18 months. I just want to plan our wedding, and I feel like I am being punished and cant move on with my life and the wedding plans, even though I was the one sinned against. (He cheated and had serious addiction problems) I am worried that by the time the annulment goes through (PRAYING IT DOES), all the dates will be booked. I am just so sad by all of this. The priest told us that we could get married outside the church and have the marriage blessed after the anulment goes through and brought up to a sacrament in the church but my Fiance is still feeling it isn't right.. Any insight on how long these are really taking? I am in Michigan and was told they only have one person working at the Archdiocese on annulments! I hope your annulment goes through quickly!

View Quoted Comment Hi! I am trying to get married in Colorado Springs, was your marriage prep so fast because you are both Catholic? We are looking at 8 month prep (I’m Catholic, fiancé is not). The church’s are also being a bit tough because we do not live in Colorado Springs- I am feeling super defeated trying to make the Catholic wedding work- any advice would be amazing!

I would consider getting married in a Lutheran church then, it's kinda known (as a catholic) as the Catholic-light version out of the other denominations. Would still have a very similar ceremony order, progression, music, still a eucharist like breaking of bread etc. Something to consider.

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I'm not going to lie speaking as an x ish Catholic it's annoying af how rigid they are and these are the steps I'd consider.

Do you have family members who are living in the town you are getting married in, then you could at least say we are practicing Catholics at our home church of X but hoping to get married at our Aunt's home church in Colorado Springs since it's so near Y family members.

I'd consider enrolling as parishoners in that church and making the weekly tithing to grease the wheels to to speak as a way in with a Catholic Church. But in general they usually do want to have that priest speak with you/do your premarital counseling rather than just show up that day and get married in their church. There are some churches that offer a one weekend intensive retreat in lieu of weekly meetings/sessions, see if that's something they offer!