Catholic Marrying Unbaptized Agnostic/atheist

It is necessary ( to the church) to confirm with he church or ministry that baptized him, which they will ask mom. The church will marry a Catholic and another Christian, but not a Catholic to a non-Christian.
Like me. They no longer pressure someone to convert, either to Christianity's basic tenets, followed with baptism, or to all of the doctrine of the Catholic church. They will provide instruction if you want to. But though you may have doubts about specific teachings, it is not wise to bring these up in pre cana. I would advise either weekend retreat pre cana, or online. Hubby was raised Catholic, and like many Italian Catholics, it is not just a Sunday morning thing, it is in the culture, and daily life in his upbringing. Not Christian, I knew some about both Catholic and Protestant Churches, in an academic way, but wanted to go to pre-cana or counseling, to find out about his hidden assumptions about things. It was very useful to talk with the priest. In the end, we asked him to explain to FI parents, why we could not have the Catholic Wedding they wanted. And the priest told them, we are very compatible in our beliefs. And he thinks on a daily basis , as in child rearing, my moral values are very close to FI, and he thought we would be good parents. But as we did differ on major teachings of the church, things that would not change, we, and he, would not stand up before god and say what was not true. No Catholic church marriage of any kind. We were happy that that re-set parents attitude, no marriage in the church, but a good marriage morally if we married otherwise. The priest travelled 3 hours each way and came to our wedding, as a guest. The temperament and conscience of the individual priest can make a big difference. If one is doing pre cana with you, they can stop it, and your husband's questioning the fundamentals of Christianity might do that with some. But most weekend retrears outside covid times, and online ones, are done mostly by lay people. They seem to present the material to you, but not discuss general faith in god type religious doctrine. And most likely will give your hubby a pass as long as he can repeat back the church's position on each thing, showing you learned how they handle sex, birth control or not. You need not, and to pass should not, then go on to say how FI disagrees with half of what they teach. Just, in all quests and summaries, repeat what they have taught. Unlike a priest, they seem to accept that, not just my experience, but many people say that. Our retreat instructors told us straight out. We are here to teach you what the church doctrine is, and how you can follow it. Then you talk with each other about how you will do it. We will stay out of that. 🙂

Hi OP,

I don't know if PP's statement that a Church will not marry a Catholic and a non-Christian is correct. These marriages are known as disparity of cult and, like other interfaith and mixed marriages, require a dispensation from the Bishop to be considered valid from the get-go. You can read more about that here and I would again encourage you to talk to your priest.

I think some of these questions you would be better off consulting your priest on. The answers, particularly around baptism, will likely vary based on the parish and the diocese. I believe if you are Catholic your marriage must be considered valid in order for you to receive communion, which means you would need to go through the process of convalidation if you do not get a dispensation. Note that, like annulments, convalidations are not just a formality and there is a possibility you may be denied. In all but the most liberal churches I would assume you would have to be practicing/in good standing in order to have your child baptized Catholic although that could be wrong.

That being said.......I really have to tell you I don't know if this is a good idea. Your post made me think of someone I know, a Christian who married an atheist and he was very disrespectful of her faith throughout the entire process including during the wedding itself. That your fiance would not be amenable to a convalidation and that he does not want to go through the marriage preparation process through the church is a huge red flag to me.

Think of it this way: you are marrying your fiance knowing what you are getting - he is not a believer, he will not raise your children in the faith, he will not fulfill the Christian husband's role of helping you or them grow in holiness and come closer to God. If that is fine with you, that is fine. But he is also marrying YOU knowing what he is getting - you ARE a believer, and your faith has certain requirements and expectations of you. He does not have to abide by those but he should not stand in the way of you practicing your faith. It has no impact on him whether or not your marriage is recognized by the Church, but because it means something to you, he should be supportive of that endeavor.

We are doing online marriage prep now, none in person due to corona. The videos are the series by Dynamic Catholic - check it out online. We started off doing a questionnaire to see how compatible we were, and now we are watching a series of 12 videos which are designed to get you talking about various topics. I wish we had a facilitator but the content is good, and not anything a reasonable person would have an objection to.

FYI, my FI, his family, my family are Catholic, I am not sure whether I will end up becoming Catholic but I am Protestant.

I am not Catholic so I can't really speak on that, but religion is very important to my family. However, they got more into attending church as I got older so I wasn't really raised any specific religion, but I believe in God. My husband doesn't really believe in God, but because religion wasn't a huge part of my life growing up it isn't really an issue in our marriage. We decided to have a non-religious wedding despite my parents' wish for us to get married in a church. At our rehearsal dinner, we did have my brother read a passage from a Bible that belonged to my husband's grandmother. My brother also led a prayer at the reception prior to dinner. My husband was okay with this. Otherwise, my family would've prayed at their seats. While my husband isn't a religious person, he is respectful of mine and my family's beliefs. My husband and I are also currently expecting our first child and we have agreed that we want to raise her with religion being a part of her life. I am currently trying to figure out what type of church we want to go to. My family is Baptist and my husband's family is Presbyterian. I think we will probably attend services for both and decide from there which one we like the best.

Religion is one of the key things a couple must agree on in order to have a successful marriage (geberally speaking). Best wishes.

My husband is baptized, non catholic and non practicing. So not the same situation. We had no problems getting married in the church. We had to attend a couples retreat. An 8 hr conference thing one Saturday. We also had meetings with a mentor couple. We had 7 total, one initial meeting and then 6 classes. I enjoyed it. Husband not so much but he smiled and nodded because it was important to me. His parents did not need to be interviewed or contacted at all.


In order for your marriage to be recognized by the church you must be married in the church or as you mentioned have a convalidation. Otherwise you are viewed as not married and living in sin.
My parents had a civil wedding and had no issues baptizing any of their kids. But the priest for my brother, their third, suggested they have a convalidation ceremony. But my brother was baptized a few months before that so I guess it wasn’t necessarily a requirement.
I’m sure what ever you choose, you will make work. I know that being married in the church was very important to me and I expressed that to my husband even before we got engaged. And while my husband doesn’t practice my religion or attend with me he is supportive of me in that religion which I think is important. I think just sitting down and explaining your thoughts on having a religious ceremony and why it’s important to you is a great first step. I know the classes we took helped explain how our religion works and why it is important to be married in the church.
I hope i helped a little. If you have any questions feel free to ask.

Hi! I hope I can offer some perspective on how your fiance might be feeling. I'm an atheist/agnostic and my fiance is a Christian (baptized Catholic, but his family left for a mainline Protestant church when he was very young).

I respect his faith and have no problem with elements being present at our wedding, but I really did not want to swear vows before a god I don't believe in. It felt like a very dishonest way to start off married life. A religious wedding wasn't all that important to him, so we have decided to get married outdoors with his family's pastor performing a mostly secular ceremony. We may also have a family member of his lead a brief, non-denominational prayer. That way he still feels a connection to his faith and the church he grew up in, and I'm not put in a position of feeling uncomfortable at my own wedding.

We've chosen to do premarital counseling through a secular service rather than his church. I actually wanted to do this since my parents recommended it, and because I think talking through any existing communication difficulties and future plans with a licensed therapist is really helpful! But if we'd done it through his church I would have felt very uncomfortable. Remember that your fiance's lack of belief is just as deeply held as your Catholicism. Spending hours being talked at about the "right" way to do birth control, how he should raise kids, the Church's beliefs on marriage and sexuality...if I had to do that I would feel disrespected and angry. He should not have to pretend to agree to something that he does not to appease you. If I were in this situation, I would feel deeply uncomfortable that I'm lying about my beliefs in order to marry the person I love.

We were lucky to have fairly liberal, flexible parents for whom religion has not been a sticking point. If you anticipate your parents being upset with any deviation from the Catholic norm, it may be helpful to write down and practice what you want to say. And I think one of the best things you could do right now is have an honest conversation with your priest about both your beliefs. I hope you have one like @Judith's, who is able to see your compatibility and discuss how whatever decision you make will affect your future participation in the Church. My understanding is that there are "official" guidelines around this, but that your particular Church may be less strict.

Additionally, you both need to do some soul-searching and have some very honest and fair conversations with each other. It might be helpful to do this with a therapist present. A few things to think about:

- Why is it important to you that you get married in a Catholic church? Is it that you want the church to recognize your relationship to each other? Is it what your family wants for you? Is it the only way you ever saw yourself getting married as a child?

- Are you okay with your Church not recognizing your marriage? Do you think this will cause any friction with your fiance down the road? Can you put yourself in his shoes and imagine your children being baptized without you being recognized as a parent? (My fiance's family ultimately left the Catholic Church because his mom felt treated as a second-class citizen since she could not receive Communion).

Good luck! I'm rooting for you. It takes good communication and a lot of empathy for interfaith couples to make it, but I think their marriages and future children are better for it

View Quoted Comment Thank you everyone! Your responses have been quite helpful and I’ll have to discuss this much further with my FH.