Catholic Wedding Frustrations!

FH is Catholic, so we're getting married in the church. The process IS long, but not particularly hard. We met with the priest, did the FOCCUS, met with the deacon and his wife to talk about the results, have taken 2 classes and we're in the process of doing the NFP class online. FH had to have is baptismal certificate sent from the church he was baptized in and we both have to have people sign forms saying we've never been married. Plus, our marriage has to be approved by the bishop because I'm not baptized. So, yes, a lot of stuff, but we both feel it's been beneficial and has allowed us to talk about things we never thought of.

The diocese we're in (Phoenix, AZ) seems to be relatively strict.

Lol I'm Catholic and I can totally relate. Did pre-cana in the summer at church for 7 hours. Went to our church's wedding workshop to pick out music and readings and stuff this weekend and got the whole schpeal about the documents. AND THEN THEY TOLD US WE COULD HAVE DONE PRE CANA ONLINE. I about died.

@Jennifer, we had a traditional Latin Mass for our wedding... if you want, feel free to request my info from WWLynnie if you have any questions!

@Future Mrs. Holz, we did pre-Cana online and it sucked. In person is so much better for it actually being beneficial.

Omg! This is where I need to vent. FH was baptized Protestant but converted at the age of like 8 when FILs decided to send him to Catholic School. He got Communion and Confirmation and we met in Catholic high school. The church not only wanted proof of his Protestant baptism (which like others said no records because it's not documented well) but also wanted documentation that an actual conversion to Catholism happened and he got the RCIA (rite of Christian initiation to adults). This step is required to get your confirmation. So I got proof of his confirmation and it didn't specifically list he got this RCIA done. The guy at the church wanted proof of that separately. So I asked well doesn't the fact that he got the confirmation mean it happened? And I got "typically yes but we'd like to make sure." Luckily FFIL remembered the priest who did the ceremony and he is now 2nd in command to the bishop, so we're moving forward assuming all was done correctly. But it was such a hassle! And it was more frustrating bc FH identifies as Catholic so we were basically proving that. If only he was baptized Catholic would've saved me a headache haha

FH checked into RCIA last week. He is interested in converting to Catholicism because we'd like to send our future children to Catholic school. I don't think converting is necessary, I actually am friends with a Jewish guy who went to Catholic school, lol. Anyway, RCIA runs from August-May, 2 hours every Tuesday night and mass every Sunday. Plus homework in between. I told him I thought that was too much to take on with everything else we have going on in our lives right now.

So FH does not have a Baptist baptism certificate and is not in touch with anyone who witnessed it (he was in HS, parents did not attend because they do not believe in organized religion). What do we do now?! I'm almost scared to ask the priest!

I just did the weekend retreat for engaged couples, and the statistics they cited were 98% effectiveness for NFP and other contraceptives. They used words such as "just as effective" not "more effective" so maybe your pamphlet was out of date.

I feel the same way! I'm Catholic and my FH is not. We have the church booked already but there's so much more to do and it feels I'm constantly running around just to get the paperwork and to meet with the deacon

@kalee, I'm guessing different dioceses have different pamphlets, and supposedly Denver is very conservative, so maybe that is a factor in their "stats."

My fiancé has to go through the classes to "become " catholic because he was baptized only. Not sure if we can get married at my church because we live together. Will have to see

Based on the numbers you quoted, it seems that the church is citing "perfect use" rates for NFP and "typical use" rates for condoms and the pill. This is a big no-no in science. They're not comparing equivalent data, which obviously puts NFP in a more favorable light. A friend of mine did pre-Cana last year and was given "data" about how abortion and non-NFP methods cause breast cancer. This has been proven to be incorrect many times. If you have medical or reproductive questions, please see your doctor for current information supported by the medical literature.

I think if he can't prove he was baptized but knows he was they usually have them do a statement of faith or something. My mom is in charge of RCIA. I would have him ask someone in charge of the RCIA classes because they are going to know what to do better and will probably be easier to get in touch with than the priest.

So much but I got it done

@Sarah that makes a lot of sense actually. I am the non-Catholic one in the relationship so I am really learning about the faith. The marriage prep is pretty intense I've found.

FH is Catholic, the hoops you have to go through is frustrating and strange to me. -- we chose the Episcopalian route.

I just had my last meeting with my church wedding cordinator still have to have my program proof read by pastor and I need two more Catholic readers for mass

I feel you it is definitely a lot with all the meetings and comparability test , pre Cana and tracking down our baptism paper work

We also needed our confirmation so the last year was crazy busy for us!

The diocese I'm in seems pretty conservative too, but the numbers I've seen for birth control methods besides NFP seem pretty accurate. 85% for condoms and 98% for the pill. I was extremely skeptical of all this when we started the whole process and have actually found every step to be really helpful.

The whole pre marital process takes nine months, which I was frustrated with at first because it seemed SO long, but then FH pointed out that it's not very long at all compared to be being married for the rest of our lives. He's got a point...

Just try to make the best of it. The whole reason the church makes you go through so many steps is so you're as ready as possible to build a strong and lasting marriage. Is that really so bad?

I'm a devout Catholic and my FH has been really great about being married in the church. He was baptized baptist. I really think the paperwork was not that bad but I keep track of my documents etc.

Our engagement encounter was great and we did a lot of one on one discussion with each other. Our first meeting with our priest was painless and he gave us really great planning advice for the ceremony. I have a strong relationship with my church maybe that's the difference.

There are a lot of hoops to jump through. In addition to getting all the certificates, our diocese (Chicago) required us to have 2 witnesses each sign a form saying we were marrying of our own free will and had permission to marry (we are both over 50 ... insert eye roll here). We have completed our FOCCUS inventory, online pre-cana and have our final meeting with the priest on Wednesday. The music ministry has been great and I love that we get to customize our wedding ceremony.

I've completed all of the requirements. It wasn't too hard getting the documentation. The Focuus questionnaire wasn't too bad. We were both done with ours in 30 minutes or less( mainly because the computer I was using kept on freezing up) Just did the pre-Cana this weekend. The church that was hosting it this weekend had great presenters.

Yes it's a lot more requirements, but if it means a lot to you and your fiancé it's worth doing

Also don't forget that once you complete the pre-wedding stuff you still got to plan the ceremony.