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Just Said Yes October 2018

Catholic Wedding or Civil Ceremony due to anullment. so Torn!! Help!!!

Jami , on February 1, 2018 at 7:12 PM Posted in Wedding Ceremony 0 14
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I am currently going through the annulment process, and it has been so disheartening. I am not Catholic. I was raised Lutheran and am currently in RCIA to become Catholic. My fiance really wants to be married in the church. If I had known that a non-catholic needed an annulment, I would have started the process years ago. We want to get married in the fall so badly and my witnesses have not even received their papers yet. I filed everything in October. I was told 12-18 months. I just want to plan our wedding, and I feel like I am being punished and cant move on with my life and the wedding plans, even though I was the one sinned against. (My ex cheated and had serious addiction problems) I am worried that by the time the annulment goes through (PRAYING IT DOES), all the dates will be booked. I am just so sad by all of this. The priest told us that we could get married outside the church and have the marriage blessed after the annulment goes through and have it brought up to a sacrament in the church but my Fiance is still feeling it isn't right.. Smiley sad Any insight on how long these are really taking? I am in Michigan and was told they only have one person working at the Archdiocese on annulments! My other question is how we would handle the guests and how we do the ceremony. People are telling me to should just wear a pretty dress for a private civil ceremony and wait until the anullment is done to wear a wedding dress and invite people, but I feel like I am still getting married for real if we do it outside the church so I want that moment to be special. I want to wear a wedding dress. Here are my options.


1. Get married in a park/gazebo this fall in a private ceremony and wear a wedding dress and then when the annulment goes through have a private blessing of the marriage and then a celebration where we invite people.


2. Get married in a park/gazebo this fall in a private ceremony and wear a wedding dress and then when the annulment goes through have a regular ceremony in the church and a celebration.


I am just so torn and it seems weird doing 2 ceremonies. All I know is I want to be married this fall and I am just so sad over the annulment process. I feel like planning a wedding should be a joyous time and we cant even really be excited about our engagement right now.


thoughts???? Thank you!

14 Comments

Latest activity by Joni, on April 8, 2019 at 10:27 PM
  • ColoradoAshley
    Dedicated October 2018
    ColoradoAshley ·
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    Same exact boat... following
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  • Katie
    Super June 2019
    Katie ·
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    Is there a reason you can't wait until next fall to get married? I understand wanting to get married right away trust me, I waited almost 3 years for my FH to finally propose, but we want a spring wedding so we are waiting until 2019. I would much rather take my time than rush around, especially if you're waiting for an annulment to be finalized.
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  • J
    Just Said Yes October 2018
    Jami ·
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    Honestly, I don't want to wait because I am going to be 39 in September and we really want a family. I don't see the need to wait if we are in love and ready to start our lives together. I don't 100% agree with the rules on having to be married in the church. In my eyes, there is only one God. We are still exchanging vows and committing ourselves to each other and to God, so we are getting married before God. But my clock is already ticking I don't want to be 40 when we get married.


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  • J
    Just Said Yes October 2018
    Jami ·
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    I just wish we could get an answer on the timeline because we have met with 5 Priests and each of them gives us as different timeline. ....


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  • ColoradoAshley
    Dedicated October 2018
    ColoradoAshley ·
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    Not that long, but as I said in my other post, I was told 12-13 months then an additional 8 for marriage prep.

    I have a hard time with it because, like you, the divorce wasn’t my fault or what I wanted and I’m not catholic and don’t necessarily believe in the rules. My issue currently is my FH wants to do the whole blessed ceremony after the annulment has gone through (if it does) and I can’t imagine a completely non-religious ceremony with my religious beliefs. Ugh. The whole thing is frustrating.

    I feel eel the same way... “oh my gosh!! Aren’t you so excited to plan your wedding” uhhh... not there yet.
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  • WED18
    July 1993
    WED18 ·
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    I went through RCIA 13 years ago and both my DH and I went through the annulment process to have our marriage convalidated in the Catholic Church. We started the process in September and were married in the church by mid March, just before Easter when I was confirmed at the vigil. I don't think there is a standard time frame though. It can vary by diocese and on the complexity of the case. One thing I can tell you is that determining if your prior marriage was valid or not in the eyes of the church has nothing to do with how it ended and everything to do with your state of mind and intentions going into the marriage. At least that was the case with ours. I can also tell you that although I had already attended mass for 12 years and was raising our 3 girls in the church before going through RCIA, my eyes and heart were really opened to the faith and made our sacramental marriage all that more special. I wish you luck.

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  • plangalCG
    VIP May 2018
    plangalCG ·
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    I’m so sorry you’re going through this! I’m Catholic and this is one reason I’m not getting married in the church. My FH is not religious at all and is divorced...i didn’t even explain all that to him when he asked if I wanted to get married in the church.
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  • Rya
    Devoted April 2018
    Rya ·
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    Wait. When did it change that if you got married outside of the church you had to have that marriage annulled in the first place? I grew up Catholic, don't practice anymore due to personal issues but I was taught that the church only recognizes a marriage that was done in a Catholic church. So if your first marriage wasn't then it wasn't recognized then why the annulment? Unless things changed in the last 20 years.
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  • D&G114
    Super January 2018
    D&G114 ·
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    Because OP was baptised and married in another religion she needs an annulment. The Catholic church recognizes marriage in other churches.
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  • Rya
    Devoted April 2018
    Rya ·
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    Ohhh okay that explains it. I think I lost where she had gotten married in the other religions church. My mind's not working lately.
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  • Bianca
    Devoted June 2018
    Bianca ·
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    Hello!
    I know how you are feeling. My ex left me as well and I too went through the process with the church to have my previous marriage annulled. I did mine through the archdiocese of Los Angeles. They will mail your ex a form that states you are annulling through the church. If he contests the annulment that’s when they would contact your witnesses. I believe they give him 30 days to respond and if he doesn’t not respond or “accepts” t they grant the annulment. I was told it would take 6 to 8 months I believe and it was done in 4 months so try and stay as positive as possible. I promise you there is an end to this!

    I would wait wait on the ceremony. Having gone through the annulment and all the steps to get married in the church has been a beautiful and amazing experience. Don’t take away from it by getting married civilly because you want to be married. I promise you will know what I mean.

    Just take a breath.

    Also, my deacon was awesome and said he would follow up th archdiocese after a month to see where it was at. Maybe your priest or deacon can do the same 😊
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  • Melissa
    Dedicated September 2018
    Melissa ·
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    Did you get married in a Catholic Church for your first wedding? Because my fiance was previously married as well, but got married outside of the Church and didn't get it blessed by a priest. Therefore, the priest told him he didn't have to go through the Annulment process, he just needs to fill out a Lack of canonical (spelling?) form. Maybe ask your priest about the form..

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  • Joni
    Just Said Yes October 2019
    Joni ·
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    I'm in the same boat. Just found out I need an anullment. Havent even started the process. I feel like I am being punished for making the wrong decision (I was 17 & pregnant) I went through the divorce 6 years ago & its like I'm having to go through it all over again. I feel like I'm turning myself inside out because he has to have a church wedding. And he does feel bad. I think we are going to have a small backyard ceremony & then the church wedding. I don't want two separate ceremonies but I'm so ready to start our lives together I don't want to wait another year or more! Don't give up on what you want. Its your day too. Good luck with your decision!
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