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Lia
Just Said Yes December 2019

Celebrant butchered our ceremony :(

Lia, on January 17, 2020 at 4:23 AM Posted in Married Life 0 11
We were married in December, we felt obliged to use my uncle as our celebrant, and after the first meeting with him I knew he wasn't right for us. In the weeks leading up to the wedding I felt sick at the thought of him marrying us, but sacking him would have caused way more drama than I could handle so we pushed ahead.


At that first meeting we asked if he could step aside at the very end so our photographer could get the shot of our first kiss from the opposite angle, so our guests faces were in the shot, instead of the backs of their heads. We didn't have a bridal party so this was really important to us. He immediately yelled "please do not ask me to step aside!", I actually thought he was joking because his reaction was so over the top and made no sense, but as that first meeting went along I realised he was just generally going to be a massive pain in the arse, with all of the ridiculous demands he made of us that were just utter nonsense.
In addition, I changed a lot of the wording of the ceremony as his wording was really negative (he has been married 3 times himself), and he approved it, and confirmed he would be happy to step out of the way.

So he married us, changed all of the wording back to his original wording, talking about the "burdens of marriage", and "tolerance of each other", which is the complete opposite of how we feel about each other.
He also didn't step out of the way, after my husband, myself then the photographer asked him to, she had to physically try to move him, so he completely ruined the shot of our first kiss, and it is very clear in the photos of me during the ceremony that I wasn't happy at all.
I am absolutely devastated and feel completely gutted that he ruined a moment that should have been so special. We put off getting married for almost 10 years because we have been constantly waiting for our family dramas to settle down so we could actually enjoy our wedding day. Which also didn't happen, as my family just couldn't help themselves and managed to systematically ruin almost every aspect of our wedding day, from beginning to end.
So I jokingly said to my husband that we should renew our vows for our first anniversary, he didn't exactly say no? So I'm just wondering how odd this would be, whether anyone knows of anyone who has done something like this because of similar circumstances, or whether it probably won't fix anything at all and I just have to live my life with memories of an awful wedding day forever.

11 Comments

Latest activity by Clover, on March 3, 2020 at 1:04 PM
  • Futuremrsm
    Expert October 2020
    Futuremrsm ·
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    I think renewing your vows is a great idea and I think will make you feel at least a tiny bit better. As for your uncle, his behavior is inexcusable. My FH uncle is officiating our wedding and we asked him to change around the wording and he said that he would do whatever we wanted. I hope your uncle doesnt officiate for a living. I would 100% do the vow renewal
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  • Katlyn
    Devoted December 2021
    Katlyn ·
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    Totally do a vow renewal, and maybe to avoid drama just do a more private ceremony/elopement somewhere? I think that would be really nice.

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  • Flame Princess
    Dedicated April 2021
    Flame Princess ·
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    Do it! This time you could even do an elopment to avoid family drama and feeling obligated to use him again. (I am shook he was such a jerk about everything)
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  • Emily
    Expert September 2020
    Emily ·
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    tenor.gif
    Uhhhh, I'm just so sorry that happened - do the renewal and don't invite any of those dill weeds.
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  • E
    Savvy October 2022
    Evr25160 ·
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    Renew those vows!!!! You deserve it also I would keep all of the details between you and your husband if you want to invite people I would only invite those you know will truly respect your wishes. Make sure your family doesn't catch wind that way you don't have to worry about it causing more drama.

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  • Sexypoodle
    Master October 2021
    Sexypoodle ·
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    Sure do it but with just the 2 of you.
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  • Gwendolyn
    Devoted July 2021
    Gwendolyn ·
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    I would definitely do a vow renewal at your anniversary - but like everyone else I would suggest that it be just the two of you.

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  • Jennifer
    Super March 2020
    Jennifer ·
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    Do a vow renewal while on a fun trip. Just the two of you and some random officiant! Lol
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  • Lia
    Just Said Yes December 2019
    Lia ·
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    He does do it for a living would you believe! Our friends were married by him years and years ago, before we knew them, and said he was great so I have no idea why he was so awful towards us, we hardly see him so I don't know why it would have been personal.
    Thanks for all of your suggestions ladies. I actually wanted to elope but my husband insisted on a 'proper' wedding, so maybe we should get divorced and elope so it's the real deal...again 🤣
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  • Lia
    Just Said Yes December 2019
    Lia ·
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    And yes, absolutely no family this time!!
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  • Clover
    July 2020
    Clover ·
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    Well, as an experienced celebrant I'm very sorry to hear this because I'm an advocate of engaged couples getting family members to marry them. So, how can you fix the feeling of your big day being ruined? Well, my advice is to plan an anniversary party and renew your vows with a qualified celebrant who respects your wishes. Above all, creates the beautiful wedding ceremony you and your husband truly deserve.

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