Center of Attention

This stresses me out quite a bit! But we've been trying to find ways to make it feel a little less overwhelming. I'm skipping a father-daughter dance, we're skipping the bouquet/garter tosses, my fiance will be the one to give a "thank you" speech during the reception, and we're currently trying to find an alternative to walking down the aisle (whether it's setting up the seats in a different arrangement, entering from behind the altar instead of walking down the aisle, etc).

YES! My first wedding, we didn't do a lot of things like bouquet tosses, cutting cake, etc just because I didnt want people staring at me lol. We also did our hand written vows before the ceremony privately so I didn't have to share private feelings in front of people. This time around, its just immediate family so I can relax and be comfortable!

Oh god yes. I don't particularly like attention, so its a big struggle for me. I also hate taking pictures so... all in all this whole wedding thing is a challenge. But we're doing little things that will help.

We're having a head table instead of a sweetheart table. We're not doing garter toss or bouquet toss (partly because we don't have a ton of single friends coming and also because I find the garter toss tacky as hell). We're doing first look photos instead of all of them after so that we can also take a few minutes to disappear into the bridal suite at our venue and be alone. We're not doing original vows (thanks but, I don't want 100 people in on my feelings). And we're keeping the ceremony pretty short (20ish minutes max).

We're also having a smaller wedding (100 people max and its only that high because he has a big family coming) so that it's not so overwhelming. My coworker got married over the summer in a 4 day, 200 people event and I kept being there thinking "Oh god, this is my nightmare."

We're keeping some of the attention-y things (first dance, father-daughter dance, cake cutting) because my fiancé is a wicked extrovert and he does want to do some of it, but even my bridal shower is being configured a certain way so that I feel less like everything is "look at me, look at me". My FMIL wanted to do a separate one for her friends/family and I put my foot down for absolutely not (a room full of people I don't know where the attention is all on me and my fiancé isn't there as a buffer? Hard. Pass.).

Its all about doing little things to help make you feel comfortable.

I'm not really nervous but my fiancé definitely is. That's why we're not having a first dance. A 30-minute ceremony of people staring at him will be enough 😅

Definitely! I’ve had pretty bad anxiety my whole life, and I’m very nervous to walk down the aisle with all eyes on me. My fiancé and I are thinking of just doing an intimate ceremony early in the morning with just a few close family/friends followed by a reception later in the afternoon/evening.

I wasn't too worried about it, but my FH literally hates being the center of attention in anything. He doesn't even like being complimented if there are people around.

As we were going through wedding planning, we were looking at any and all ways we could alleviate those feelings for him. Like Alexa, we considered an intimate ceremony and then an open reception with a larger group (if you go this route, consider being very specific about who makes the cut for the ceremony - immediate family and bridal party members only, for example - to avoid too many hurt feelings). We also looked at having an intimate wedding the night before, using the "rehearsal" and following dinner as the actual wedding then having the larger reception the next day. Then we considered exchanging our handwritten vows in private before a ceremony with everyone invited.

Ultimately, for us it made the most sense to just have a smaller wedding. We picked a beach destination wedding, are inviting about 40 people tops, and we'll have a sit-down dinner at a restaurant as opposed to a reception with activities.

You'll find what feels right for you! There are so many options that are becoming more mainstream! You could also consider getting ready together or walking down the aisle together to share the spotlight a little bit!

Yes!!! I have severe “stage fright” so the thought of all eyes on me makes me want to poop my pants lol I have been trying to convince myself that it’s a small wedding, all close family and friends, and that nothing matters except marrying my best friend…but all my mental pep talk has not been working!

I'm nervous about the spot light myself! We're doing a first look, then photos before the ceremony. The ceremony will be short and we will immediately go to the reception hall, where we will great our guests as they enter, so no grand entrance (our planner will keep the line moving too)
We're skipping the first dance/parent dance and having a dueling pianos show. We plan on doing a last dance together during cleanup.

I’m not nervous about this. However fiancé is definitely nervous about all of the dancing he will be expected to do.

I've spent a good portion of my life NOT being the center of attention, sometimes by choice, so I embraced my wedding as my one opportunity for such

I don’t like being the center of attention either, and I get so much anxiety over thinking if I’ll look “the best” on the wedding day. And I keep hearing how no one will focus on my FH and everyone will care more about what I’m wearing. Plus, we’re doing everything from a choreographed first dance, cake cutting, garter/bouquet toss, so hopefully everything will go smoothly and I’ll not worry so much about things being perfect (even though a lot of my vision went into planning the wedding).

View Quoted Comment Me too! What better excuse than your own wedding!

To the OP, I would just say first and foremost focus on enjoying yourself - this is the one day for you and your husband to be surrounded by people who love and care about you. Also keep in mind that if you’ve invited the right people, no one will be judging you! Enjoy the attention and focus on having fun during the wonderful event you’ve put together! Focus on the fun and most of all, your new husband 😀

View Quoted Comment YES!! All of this. 👏🏻👏🏻

I may be alittle nerves knowing all eyes will be on me. Usally I dont care if all eyes are on me,but my soon to be husband is shy. And I hoping that by his mom and best man will be standing up with him can keep him calm to get thru it. To do our best to make it short and sweet

Not at all!!! We are both the ‘life of the party’. Honestly this is going to be a walk in the park. It is something we’re used to because when we are invited to parties we end up being the MC for the night lol. If I could be nervous about anything it’s trying not to fall. 😅

YES. I literally had a meltdown the other night over my future MIL asking what color dress she should wear because being the center of attention and decisions is not for me and I’m already very stressed 🙃

I’m not although I know I’ll get nervous at the moment moment of cause that’s what I do hehehe. I don’t love been the center of attention, but both him and I are extroverts so I think that part is really not stressing us at all. Also are wedding is going to be extremely small so will be fine I think lol

Totally calm... as we just went to the court house then had a luncheon if you will with fam and friends (8-12 ppl tops)

Yes, I’m nervous. I wish I had advice for you to remain relaxed.

Hi ! I would say neither. I didn't stress before and I were just "calm" as usual on THE day... I think it's because I'm a teacher, and I'm used to be in front of a group of people. Actually the problem is, sometimes, that I'm NOT in the center of attention, as my students are not fully concentrated on the lesson :-P

Anyways, it wasn't a problem for me to be in the center of attention, I were just worried about the people looking at every detail like... analysing my every hair or every other part of my body... But on the wedding day, during my ceremonies, it was really such a different feeling - the world around didn't exist actually... I knew there was group of loving people with us in the church, but during the ceremony, and the vows, we were alone... I didn't notice other people, we just had each-other ;-)