Ceremony and reception different days?

Unless there’s a very clear reason to do them separately, I’d be extremely disappointed to be invited to a reception separate from the ceremony, and I’d feel like I wasn’t important enough to be at the ceremony.

Contrary to what some will try to tell you there is no etiquette issue in having an intimate or private ceremony followed by a large, delayed reception. There are many practical, legal, personal and legitimate reasons why a couple might need to do this.


Certainly it was common during the peak of the pandemic, but couples or their families have properly hosted delayed receptions forever. Home places of worship may not accommodate numbers, a couple may need or want to get married sooner for legal reasons, the list goes on. It’s the opposite, inviting guests to the ceremony but not the reception that is considered rude.
What I would not do is invite a large group to the ceremony and then expect other, “B list” guests to travel to attend a reception on the same day.

While it might be popular now due to social media, it is actually confusing and inconvenient for guests. Many people are used to having ceremony and reception on the same day with no gap, and also all guests invited to both. Covid gave people the ideas that they can do whatever and no one will be upset by it and that’s not true.


We have attended a number of receptions following a private ceremony (which is still a wedding by definition) and vow renewals that were presented as being the actual legal wedding day following an elopement, and in a couple cases the ceremony was off limits to anyone not in current good standing as a parishioner (LDS) and they were not received well, and talked about negatively afterwards. Those invited to the receptions only didn’t feel that they were welcome even as having a friendship or relationship after the wedding, because they were not invited to the wedding. Those who found out that the couple already eloped but said they didn’t were not happy being lied to. These are people who are used to entire families being invited to both the ceremony and reception, or the entire congregation of a house of worship is invited. And there are no space issues, because they are used to those types of receptions where it’s not common to have an expensive meal because their dollar needs to stretch. While some may not see any issues with being not invited to the ceremony, the people who do have issue are told that they are not supportive or kind if they are hurt by the lack of gracious hospitality and transparency from the couple. That doesn’t speak well of the ones defending the lack of grace.
Most people would prefer to not be invited at all and to get together at a party in your home instead later that is not wedding related than to be considered an”second class” guest. Including making someone wait 24 hours before they can party, regardless if guests are local or have to travel.

You could elope (truly elope and just have the two witnesses) and then have a nice large party afterward to celebrate your union (essentially a reception but not call it a reception). But I would avoid:

1. Having a small ceremony but larger reception where some guests were invited to the ceremony but not others

2. Having any guests invited to a ceremony and then invited back to the reception on a separate day, because they have to get ready for and attend two separate events

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This for sure!

View Quoted Comment Agree with all of this!

View Quoted Comment Love this thank you!

I’m having this same dilemma. My fiances’ family observe their religious sabbath from Friday sundown to Saturday sundown. And while we don’t, I would hate for them not to have the opportunity to be at the ceremony. So we’re having a private Friday afternoon ceremony and big Saturday night reception. However, a lot of my family are already grumbling about it. 🤷🏼‍♀️

My sister had an intimate ceremony with only 15 people, then they had the big party 7 months later. I see no issue with it, and it allows you to have your ceremony wherever you want without worrying if people can travel there.

View Quoted Comment My husband's family all observe shabbat and that's why they always do Sunday weddings. It may be too late, but Sunday weddings are often a bit cheaper and it could be something for future engaged couples to think about.