Ceremony: how to include adult children

How old? I'd just include them in the bridal party.

My SD walked my DH down the aisle. Then I had my sons walk me down. Then after we were married we walked out and our children walked out together.

I think you first have a conversation to ask them what they would feel comfortable with. They can be in the bridal party, they can walk you down the aisle, they may not really want either of those things to happen. They could do a reading (or split one). I think it is really more up to them.

Perhaps you can ask your officiant about family vows. These can be vows you and FH say to the children, the children say to you and FH or both. These are popular with my blended families and are typically done after bride and groom have exchanged rings. Best wishes!

Thank you for the responses. My children are 31, 25 19 and 15 (15 YO is my MoH) and fiance's children are 30 and 25.

I can't have them be attendants, as I have others chosen for those roles. I was just wanting to do something symbolic to make them all feel included.

I would ask them what they would like to do.

I'm trying to figure out the same for mine, except my kids are much younger (10, 9, and 3 on the wedding date) and I'm drawing a blank. We had planned a small ceremony with no attendants but we may just have to change it. I'm sorry that I have no advice but wanted to day good luck, OP. I'm sure you'll come up with something great.

I'm glad someone asked this. Both of my children (the day of the wedding they will be 27 and 25) are in the bridal party. And my son along with my brother are walking me down the aisle. My FH's daughter who is 24 doesn't want to be in the bridal. Her choice. So I wanted to do a sand ceremony to include her and unite the families.

One thought I had was doing something like they do at church services on Christmas eve with candles. My FH and I could light a unity candle and then everyone would have a small candle and the unity candle would light one of the guests candle and they would light the one beside them and it would go through everyone there and symbolize uniting not just our children but all 35 family members in attendance. Then while they were lit, we could have a special piece of music playing-- or we could all sing a hymn, etc.

-Just brainstorming.....

One thought I had was doing something like they do at church services on Christmas eve with candles. My FH and I could light a unity candle and then everyone would have a small candle and the unity candle would light one of the guests candle and they would light the one beside them and it would go through everyone there and symbolize uniting not just our children but all 35 family members in attendance. Then while they were lit, we could have a special piece of music playing-- or we could all sing a hymn, etc.

-Just brainstorming.....

Honestly, the sand or glass works out the best; you can have each child pick a color that represents the quality they bring to the family. It works out quite well.

I really don't recommend having children say vows to the parents. The parents can say something simple (not insinuating they are replacing the other parents) about always supporting and caring for them, but having kids say vows to the parents feels, to me, awkward and not really the point of the day.

I know this is an old thread, but maybe someone could chime in . Regarding protocol, is it okay for my son and daughter and my fiance's two sons and daughter to stand up for us at the wedding? I was curious about the mixing of traditional gender roles, i.e. Maids and Groomsmen, because my son would be on my side and his daughter on his side.