Ceremony only wedding.

Mentioning anything about gifts on invitations is poor etiquette. People know that cash is always welcomed; just don’t have a registry if that’s what you’d prefer. In regards to your lack of reception, you really need to host your guests to ample food/drinks, especially if it’s at a meal time and especially if you’re in a forest where they have no other options. I know you said you’re having food...what were you thinking? The reception is your thank you to your guests for coming to the ceremony.

View Quoted Comment I completely agree.


Properly hosting your guests includes providing food and drink appropriate to the time of day. If your wedding is at a usual meal time then you need to provide a full meal. As Nicole said, this is how you thank your guests for attending and celebrating with you.
Regardless of what your reception looks like, it is never appropriate to ask for gifts of any kind on your invitations.

View Quoted Comment I told my fiancé I was iffy on the money part but didn’t want to shut his idea out entirely at first. If we were inviting a large amount of people (including friends and family) I would definitely have a reception. However our number of about 24 guests include our parents, our 4 children, my stepmother, 2 sisters etc. So as far as poor etiquette/being rude, not hosting a reception doesn’t bother me much and it doesn’t bother anyone in either one of our families. Neither one of our families have traditions and or religions. As far as food to pick at we haven’t entirely decided, and we were iffy on catering or not. Like I said in the post it’s all DIY so I’m just trying to bounce all of this off of some other brains other than my family still.

Agree with pp; absolutely NOTHING on any invitation about gifts regardless of the type of wedding/level of formality. There is the potential that doing so would be perceived as very "gift grabby" and/or rude. People who choose to give a gift will figure out that money is a good choice, especially if you don't have a registry. Also agree that you need to do something, even if it's a picnic of sandwiches and beverages, for guests. In the middle of a forest, you need to make sure guests' basic needs are met. I don't know where you're located, but I'd also think about a plan B in case the weather doesn't cooperate. We live in So Cal where the weather is pretty much perfect 99% of the time, but had a good alternative. It poured -- like record breaking amounts -- for five days straight before daughter's wedding. They lucked out and had a perfect day, but it could have easily been very different. As long as you can work through all the details it sounds like a lovely option! Good luck!

EDT: based on the info in your follow up, it seems like the only guests who might give substantial gifts would be your parents and siblings (if they are adults). Seems like they'll know you well enough to figure out what, if anything, they want to give.

Expecting gifts of any kind and not offering dinner is beyond rude but just shouldn't be done. Requesting cash is even worse. Gifts are a thank you to you just as much as a reception is a thank you to your guests. Shouldn't expect from them what you aren't giving. Having the type of wedding you want is fine, but you should really consider having your ceremony much earlier in the day with a short cake and punch/apps reception after. If you have a dinner time wedding, you should be offering dinner.

You would have to contact your cruise company but I do know that there is a way that you can set up cruise bass gifts but you should not put that on the invitations. You say you're having a ceremony only wedding but you are doing food right after but not a sit-down meal. If I understand correctly your wedding will be Friday evening but you're leaving Sunday morning so are you guys staying in a cabin and we'll have guests? I think the only thing that should be on the invitation is where the wedding is the time and what type of attire people should wear. If you're going to have light fight that I would state that as well so people don't come with a full stomach. Usually if you have an evening wedding around dinner time people are going to expect a full meal.

You must offer your guests food and drink (and chairs) appropriate to the time of day--period.

And do not mention gifts in any way, especially not money.

If you can’t afford to host your guests, don’t invite any. Mentioning gifts on the invitation is rude no matter what kind of wedding you have or what kind of gifts you’re asking for, but even more so when you aren’t even providing a meal for your guests and you’re asking for money for an optional vacation.

Food after the wedding is in fact a reception. You don't have to have formal dancing, etc., to make it a reception.

Regardless of type of ceremony/reception, you don't put any mention of gifts on an invitation. If you don't have a registry, people will get the hint that they should give money.

If you have a wedding website, you can put things about gifts there.

What about eloping? It sounds like your priority is your honeymoon.

I agree with others about not mentioning gifts on the invitation. As to the food/post-ceremony bonfire, you can include something on your invitation after the ceremony info like "bonfire and light bites to follow" or "cocktails and hors d'ouevres to follow." Something simple like that should indicate to guests that a full, sit down meal isn't being provided and they can plan accordingly.

You can have a reception or not, either is fine. But no matter what you do, never put anything about gifts, or your preference for particular things, on a wedding invitation. Never. No matter how informal the wedding or invitation style. It is always considered rude. "Please come to our wedding ceremony, and we would rather you pay for honeymoon things than give us boxed gifts." WRONG.
Never mention gifts. Don't presume people will get them . And when people give gifts, it is the choice of the giver , what it will be, not you, the recipient. Standard etiquette. If people want suggestions, they will ask. Then it is fine to answer with your preferences. In social manners, people associate asking for things for yourself to be greedy. Not good. Waiting til you are asked, not assuming things, matters. And the invitation should only tell you what you are inviting people to, when and where.

Personally asking on an invite isn’t cool. More than likely people will ask if you’re registered or have a honey fund and from there you can ask them about simply sending funds to celebrate on the cruise. You didn’t ask but I slightly want to weigh in on the dinner part, you don’t have to pay for dinner for everyone but it would be a nice gesture if y’all went out to eat somewhere even if people paid their own bill. No one wants to just come and watch people say I do and kiss for 15 minutes and be done. They got dressed up and traveled to you at least everyone could go eat afterwards at a restaurant. Otherwise, mention on the invitation what’s all to happen. I would be disappointed if I went to an evening wedding, have a gift or money, and didn’t even eat with them or take pictures. I would feel like I was only invited to give money and that’s it. But it’s your wedding and you should do as you please.

View Quoted Comment If it's your family, just tell them y'all would prefer cash!! I definitely wouldn't put it on the invites, I would either tell them or make a wedding website and put it on there!! Congratulations and good luck to y'all!!

View Quoted Comment

A reception is a thank you to the guests for attending your ceremony. You invite guests - you have to have something. It can be as simple as cake and punch but should follow the appropriate meal for the time the ceremony is held. If you don't want to have a reception, don't have guests. It's as simple as that.

View Quoted Comment Jill, this is not a rant to you personally. Much as I hate the knot forums, and some other boards, at least they have sections on proper etiquette with forums. WW, often people who do not know, answer others, and myths form And many WW articles are bad, completely contradict each other, or standard manners. *****
This is something I have run across on WW, and previously on the knot, as a common thought, that the reception is a thank you for coming. And many people, including me keep saying, that is not traditional. ( Miss Manners too.) For her work, My mom collects etiquette books and Protocol and manners books from multiple countries, including US, a century worth. After my mom said to me, you are correct, not them, I went through a bunch going through every 5 years or so since WWIi. Then spot checked many more years. In US, and France, and England at least, for centuries, the reception has always been a separate, optional part of the celebration of marriage. It used to be far more common, but happens now too, that people to have small private church, courthouse, or home ceremonies. Then invite many, many more people to the reception, maybe a dozen more, maybe hundreds. If the reception was a thank you for coming, then when maybe 90% of those at the reception had never been to the ceremony, what are they being thanked for? NO. The wedding feast traditions are parts of the wedding, optional. American advertisers and the food industry have been pushing the idea for years since the internet now that you must serve something to all guests at every wedding. But check it out, years and years of Miss Manners, Emily Post, Amy Vanderbilt, Letitia Baldwin, Dear Abby and Ann Landers ( the original ones), or check official gov protocol books for diplomats and official State manners. ... The reception with food or drink is not a necessary thank you for coming to the ceremony. You can quite properly have one, with nothing served after. The wedding ceremony is either a religious ceremony, or a legal or civil one, depending on your values. And, as Miss Manners put it, it is perfect proper to have a religious Service, as you would a church service, or have a legal one, as a court proceeding, and not have any food or drink at all. The only thing that must happen is that the couple must greet all of the guests in person ( not a note later.). And people wishing a very small ceremony may still quite properly only invite a few people to the ceremony, usually family, a very few friends, or in a religious ceremony, those participating in any prayer or sacramental service ( temple or church congregation). And not have refreshments. But invite many more people to a separate feast, which must include all personal guests from the small ceremony ( though not whole congregations .) Not a thank you for coming to the ceremony, but separately a feast to enjoy with the couple and their families, and as referred to in many religious books ( like the Bible. Part or the basic celebration if you have it, not a thank you to anyone.. Look at the traditions of royalty for a public example. Then look at the Knot editors etiquette book ( the knot owns Wedding Wire). Same thing. Reception is NOT just a thank you for coming. And no refreshment at all is ever required for good manners. A church or legal civil wedding ceremony may stand alone and be considered good manners .........For more than fifty years the misinformation, never true, that a couple has a year to send a thank you for a gift, has persisted on the grapevine. When the real thing is that guests have up to a year to send a gift. And whenever received, the coul
Please only has a few weeks to write a thank you note. This idea, "reception is a thank you" , is like that. Never correct, but commonly heard. The truer thing, in all standard etiquette,not just weddings, is that when people have travelled a long distance and time, you offer some refreshment, if not at the wedding then available where long distance travellers are staying. But many small wedding ceremonies are relatively local affairs, with few or no guests traveling any further or longer time than they do for work or a church service, court hearing, etc. And refreshments are not necessary.

View Quoted Comment Thank you Judith! I am offering something after the wedding, as far as food and drinks are concerned. This is just a close family event, we even thought about having it on our property since we own 12 acres. Just something for all of our family to get together and enjoy our day with us, pictures(I'm a big picture freak) a bonfire, and just a nice family get together. Only reason I’m not doing a courthouse is because again, I’m a picture freak. I love having pictures to look back on and would much rather prefer see the woods than a courthouse. Thank you for explaining all that you did and taking your time as well, it was a much nicer read than having other women chew my head off about not offering a full sit down meal, or assuming we don’t have the money to feed my family after inviting them over. We also talked about going out to dinner however I am having a hard time finding a place that will take a large group around 20 or so, or we would just go with our parents after our honeymoon.

"not hosting a reception doesn’t bother me much and it doesn’t bother anyone in either one of our families"

Right, but no one is going to tell you to your face that they think you're being cheap and tacky, but they'll certainly judge you for it. You're basically saying "we don't want to spend the money to host our guests properly, but we expect our guests to give US money for our honeymoon." Just....no.

If anyone is travelling from out of town (i.e. driving in, flying, etc.), I think it's really poor taste to not have a dinner reception and drinks. I would just elope if you're concerned about spending money.

View Quoted Comment Yes. It has always been acceptable to directly tell your immediate family what your preferences are, in case others come to them for suggestions, and because until recently, in mainstream ( not some ethnic groups) US, no one other than older family members would properly give money as their only gift. In many areas, more people give money now. ( Rare in our area and group ) But family often invests in major future things, or assistance with specific wedding things, always have. And rules for your family are different than for general society. But still, talked about, a personal thing, not put in writing on an invitation.