Changing wedding date for one person?

That date is TWO YEARS out, and I'd honestly point out the uncertainty of any contract to your FH.

You both need to sit down and weigh the pros and cons of moving this date - including exactly *how* close he is to his friend, and how in the heck that friend can't get *one* day off? Also, will moving it change the price (June is a HUGE month for weddings)?

I personally wouldn't move it for ONE person. DH and I did ask our families for "blackout" dates, and moved from there, but only if a date didn't work for a LOT of them.

I'm sorry.

Good luck.

If this is a person who is a VIP to your future husband, I think that you should give it more consideration than you are. I have never known anyone to consider any birthday as a blackout date for a wedding, unless something like a party for 50-100 people was already booked with venue, caterer, for a milestone birthday. Not wanting it near your birthday seems pretty trivial to me. What colleges or universities are not already done by June 10? None anyone I know in US has gone to, or are you in Canada? The beginning of exams is an issue. After the last exams and graduation for seniors, is usually a time of parties and weddings
You are talking a wedding reception, a 4-5 hour event. I do not see that time in June 10, 2022 being a problem for college students. Your reasons seem summed up by your saying, " I'm not feeling it". There is no reason why a reception need be 12 months after a wedding, not 11. Near, not on, your birthday. End of year for colleges. Groom VIP Groomsman I assume is a contract worker who is away for that time. That usually refers to a work crew that goes to a specific location and work is not 40 hours a week but 6 or 7 days a week, 10-12 hour shifts, like working on an oil rig, or a pipeline or expedition. Assuming he really couldn't come, I think your FI has a specific person he cares about, he wants there in WP. And your reasons are vague, not anything definite. If my husband wanted to rescedule something around his own or anyone else's birthday 2 years from now, or so one occasion would be 12 months from another not 11, I would say those are notions, not real reasons or conflicts. I think you should take your husband's friendship for this Groomsman more seriously.

Couldn't you have your small wedding on June 10, 2021? I think your reasons for not wanting to move the wedding aren't really valid. I have also never heard of colleges going through June and what difference does make if it's near your birthday? His friend is obviously important to him hence why he's a groomsman. It isn't like he wants to move the date for a random person. This person is one of his closest friends. How would you feel if one of your bridesmaids said she couldn't make it, but your fiance didn't care?

I understand where you are coming from. However as I think you do you seem to understand where he's coming from. Just like it's important for you to not inconvenience people with finals although your friends may be in school right now but they can take time for your wedding. Sometimes finals are given before finals week at least when I was in college I rarely took a final during finals week. But just how having a date with meaning is important to you it's important to him to have one of his great friends there. And yes you can say that "oh his friend wouldn't change his date for him" and maybe not but this is something that's important to your fiance and friendship is very important. Not to sound very old but I'm about to turn 39 and I've had some friendships come and go and the ones that are still in my life I greatly appreciate. So on his side of things he could see it as why is a certain date so important to you. I will say this I understand you're saying that June 10th has no meaning but you getting married on that day will have meaning. My husband and I just chose November 8th because that was a Sunday in the fall that our venue was available with their elopement special. November 8th has no meaning to us whatsoever but now that we got married on that date it has a lot of meaning to me. So I feel like June 10th can become special because that is a day that you're starting your life as his wife. You have the right to be bothered by this and I understand why you are frustrated but is this worth fighting with your future husband because if I had to choose between his friendship and a date in the calendar I would say the Friendship wins. It's clearly important to him that his best friend be there so would it be so bad for you to give him this date? Would you be truly resentful towards your future husband if you got married on June 10th?

I, personally, would not change the date. I agree with others that you should map out all of the pros and cons first.

I would definitely try to find a compromise here. It’s obviously extremely important to your fiancé that his friend be present for the wedding; and this is both your wedding days, not just the bride’s. I don’t see why your wedding couldn’t be close to (or even on) your birthday, or at the end of finals week (though I don’t know any universities who have finals that late). In complete honesty, it sounds as though you are being stubborn and selfish. Marriage is about compromise. If having the large reception on the same date the following year is important to you, then compromise by changing both dates to June 10- then your FH gets to have his close friend attend his wedding and you get to have both ceremonies on the same date, one year apart.

Hi Rita! These are types of situations that make wedding planning tough, isn’t it? An element to consider is your future venue. The venue you chose may not have both dates available, which would make the decision for you. Our venue (which we picked pre-covid) was not available on our ideal dates and we had to chose from their open dates. I suggest finding your venue first and making the decision then. Me and my now husband, our vendors availability dictated a lot of the timing so our previous disagreements were for not in the end 😉


Hope this helps!! Also, from someone where two groomsmen dropped out due to COVID and many couldn’t make it, we had a perfect day anyways ❤️ Wish you all the best!!

Hi everyone,


Thank you for all of your comments. We’re both fairly young, 22 and 26, so some perspective is nice. I apologize if I’m coming off selfish—I think weddings always have some sort of selfish element to them so perhaps I’m just being silly by wanting a meaningful date. @katie also makes a great point that these dates may not even be available! Neither of us have ever planned or even been a part of a wedding so this is extremely new for us.
Anyway, I suppose my biggest concern is yes, this date is two years out almost, but we both have completely different cultural backgrounds so we are actually having a 3-day wedding in 2022. So, our wedding(s) has been in the works for a long time because we’re essentially planning three different weddings spanning from this summer to next summer. Also, we can’t move our small wedding date for 1) religious reasons and 2) I’m graduating with my Master’s on that exact date. I’m a very anxious person so I got overwhelmed really easily hence why it’s so hard for me to celebrate things so close haha—I feel like the world is going to swallow me up and I can’t relax! As for finals, I live in the States and have a college aged brother who would be finishing up finals right around that time, a high school aged sister who would just be starting finals, and then we both have close relatives who would be in the same position. However, I do recognize that I’m likely projecting what my own stress would be in this position on to them, and I actually have no idea how they’d feel.
I love and appreciate his dear friend so, so much—he was actually the first friend of his that I met. He is on a fishing contract so that’s why he can’t come back. If we move our wedding to June 10, there’s a *possibility* his friend will be able to come but it’s still not guaranteed.
I will, however, talk to everyone and see if we can work out a compromise. My parents are paying for majority of the wedding, and I also don’t want to disrespect them by moving things around. (It may not seem like a big deal, even to me, but my parents are immigrants and are weird about things such as tradition haha.)
Again, thank you all! Hope this clears some things up and I hope we can figure something out. We’ve been together 3 years and I know him like the back of my hand, and love him so much. We don’t even fight so these have just been little disagreements but they’re just really weighing on me. (Anxious, remember?) I know something will work out.

I find it shocking that your FH’s friend can’t get off for 1 day that’s 1.5 years from now if he knows that much in advance. Is his work overseas or something?

View Quoted Comment Hi! I just updated in a comment above — FH’s friend is a fisherman through June-July (& sometimes early August). I don’t think it’s possible for him to come back for a weekend. He can technically leave late but he’d lose too much money.

If he can definitely commit to June 10, then I'd consider changing the date. Birthdays come every year, so I wouldn't worry about that. Like you, my university is also on the quarter system and goes well into June.

To Judith and Veronica: many colleges and universities in the US go by the quarter system and final exams go halfway into June.

To the OP, I'm not sure what field you're in, but PhD coursework is very different from master's coursework, and deadlines and finals periods don't necessarily coincide with those of the undergrads. One of my friends attended my wedding 3 days before her dissertation defense. As long as people know the date well in advance, they'll be more likely to make it work. Now, if your FH's friend is being vague and can't commit, then I'd keep your July date. Or, if you have lots of family members who will still be in college and go by the quarter system, then I'd keep your July date. College exam periods on quarter systems tend to stick pretty well to mid-June deadlines. It's a tough position to be in!

View Quoted Comment Thanks, Hanna. My uni is on the quarter system as is all of our families’ school. I’m not necessarily worried about my friends who are sitting at the Master’s/PhD level as we’re all in the English field and it’s pretty easy to bust out those essays early if need be. I’m more so worried about our loads of family that are at the undergraduate level and in K-12 that’ll just be getting into the icky part of it all.


I don’t know if FH’s friend can 100% guarantee that he can make it June 10. That’s when he’s set to leave so all he can do is ask for permission, gauge how much money he’ll lose, and cross his fingers that it’ll work. I think that’s also why I’m feeling so hesitant. I just don’t know if it’s worth it to move an already stressful 3-day wedding up an entire month for someone who can’t guarantee he’ll make it... But I also feel terrible if I don’t try. I just want it to be easy and happy for everyone, and I am pretty much rolling with the punches for everything else for our wedding (I have really overbearing sisters so they’ve taken planning into their own hands, haha)—I think the date is just what I felt like I finally had control over & something that felt really meaningful to me. But I also know that if one of my close friends couldn’t come, I’d be extremely bummed, so I’m not mad at FH for wanting to move it so badly.
Anyway, thanks for your help. These are all great points to keep in mind as we try to come to a decision on this. I appreciate it a bunch!