Child-free wedding drama

If I got put at a table with them at the reception, I would be annoyed. At some point, parents have to realize that their kids do not get invited everywher. Either they arrange a sitter at the hotel, or stay home. When my DD was small, we had excellent experience with the sitters that the Ritz Carlton provided. One baby has the ability to ruin a wedding for many people.

This is what I was thinking as well. I think a lot of people assume that the reason people want child free weddings is because of the cost but that has nothing to do with my reasoning. Babies can be disruptive at no fault of their own or their parents. Doesn't change the fact that the disruption took place.

You need to exercise some trust and compassion here. I think as other posters have said, allow the baby to come. Have a convo with the mom and ask that if the baby starts to get fussy, that she leave the space so as not to be disruptive. You should trust that your BMs wife will not want to cause any drama or distractions, but that it is unkind to banish her because she can't leave the baby for that long.

I'm also planning a child-free wedding. I'd be pretty upset if someone decided to bring an infant without having a conversation or seeing how I feel. Yes, mom may still be nursing, but breast pumping is a thing and there are many women who leave babies behind to head back to work. Also, maybe this is just me overthinking things, but would it really be the safest environment for a baby? From my understanding, a four-month-old is going to be too young for vaccines and may still have a weak immune system. Would it be wise to bring such a young child to an event where they may potentially get sick? You may have to have a gentle conversation with your FH and point out that it doesn't seem fair to allow BM + wife to bring a child when everyone else in the family hasn't been allowed. But, if they can't bring the baby, then be prepared for them not to attend. Some infants are super well-behaved, but there's no telling how their baby will be. Perhaps a compromise could be hiring a sitter who could watch over the baby at the wedding while BM + wife attends, then BM's wife can go feed the child as needed throughout the night.

I am not certain how compassion comes into play. This is not about allocating seats on the lifeboats. I do think OP and her DH have to accept that the BM may not be able to come, but having a new baby, that is always a concern.

As to trust, how in the world is OP supposed to know how the new mom parents? She does not. What she likely knows it that some moms will not remove the child and some infants may start crying with no warning. Are there changing facilities? Will diapers be changed in a place/manner that does not take away from other guests' experience? Will dirty diapers be left in the ladies room and stink it up?

My concern would be that the same people who did not read the FAQ or when directed to, still they want to bring the baby are the type of people who do not care about the other guests.

I think parents have to accept that their kids do not go everywhere, and I think banishing is a strong word with connotations of meanness.

I agree that banishment is to strong a word. I would encourage the mother to sit in the back so she make a quick getaway or to simply attend the reception.

This is exactly what I was thinking also. I'm an FA and flew/away from home overnights with both of my children when they were infants. I pumped and my ex-husband stayed home with them and it was fine. My kids are now 10 and 12 and they are totally fine. We are not having a child free wedding but I completely understand why you would want one if you do not have any children of your own and are having an evening formal affair. It also gives the parents a night off from their kids and a reason to get dressed up, celebrate and dance. I'm concerned that the BM's wife will have a point of contention against you going beyond the wedding now as she will be staying at home with this baby. Is it not possible for them to bring her mother or another family member who can stay in the room with baby and the wife go back and check in on baby? They don't require constant care at that point, it would literally be her needing to check on baby maybe 2-3 times over the evening. How far is the hotel from your reception?

I think your idea is really good. BM's wife might not feel comfortable leaving the baby with a stranger, but she would certainly be more comfortable bringing her mother or close relative to watch the child while she attends the wedding. I also don't think it's unreasonable for her to pump. Plenty of other women do it, it's not the end of the world. If the hotel is far from the reception, perhaps the family member could attend the reception in a secluded area that wouldn't be disruptive to the baby or the guests?

I don't get the whole child-free wedding thing. If I had a child-free wedding a good portion of our guests couldn't attend or wouldn't. And this is a very make or break thing, my aunt kicked my brother out of her wedding 30 years ago. My brother was 10 months old, he wasn't crying he wasn't doing anything but my aunt made my mom stand outside with him. As a result, my grandmother has not spoken to her daughter (my aunt) in 30 years. But some people just don't like kids, and I love kids. I was a preschool teacher for years. My bridal party consists of 5 people 3 of which are moms. My FH groomsmen 2 of the 5 are parents. I also plan on hiring a few sitters, that way the parents have a choice. The day is about us, but I couldn't imagine my wedding without my nephews or nieces.

I know I am late for this discussion. I found it in a search and it really caught my attention.

Why would you be annoyed..?

I know you already made your decision, but I think you're being pretty unreasonable and actually uncharitable. So this baby cries out during your ceremony for 5 seconds, so what? So maybe some people don't like seeing babies at their table, oh no!

It is unreasonable to ask a mother to separate from her breastfeeding infant so that you can avoid mild annoyance. With people like you and some of the PPs out there, no wonder women worry about having children and feel completely unsupported. Our culture is already hostile to mothers/infants, why are you piling onto that?

I wholeheartedly agree with you. I would not make an exception for teeny tiny baby. I don't care "if it's usually the exception." If you don't want children there, you don't want children there. Period. That is your right.

There is absolutely NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT.

If they want to bring a baby to a childfree event, then BM's wifey needs to decline. At the end of the day, you need to decide if you are okay with that person not being there because they can't bring their baby.

I am a very empathetic person and want the best for children, but quite frankly I can't believe how RUDE that is of someone to bring a baby when you explicitly stated no children without asking you. I would think nothing of it if she asked anyway, but she needs to be prepared for you to say no. It is your wedding and you are not a bad for feeling this way.

I too would be VERY ANNOYED if someone brought a baby to a childfree wedding.