Civil Ceremony Followed by Festivities Followed by Big Celebration

I can understand not wanting to be the center of attention. I think having a small wedding and a big celebration is a great choice. However, there is something grand about having a moderate to large celebration. It’s also nice that your fiancé is all in and wants to go large. That doesn’t happen often. I say go for it. You only do this once ideally.

A small ceremony with a big reception after is a pretty common thing and usually a good compromise. But if your future husband wants to "promise himself to me in front of everyone" then it sounds like he wants a big wedding and NOT a small civil ceremony beforehand. You said you are fine because you know he really wants this wedding - so what is the question here? Are you actually not okay with only having the big wedding he wants?

If so, that is something you are going to have to communicate to him. Hopefully you can agree on something that satisfies both of you.

As far as the shower goes, I recently heard that only people who are invited to the wedding ceremony should be invited to the shower. Some people think it is tacky to invite people to a shower if they aren't there for the wedding and only a reception later on. So be prepared for a small shower if you want a small ceremony!

A small ceremony followed by a big reception is actually a new trend since Covid. Prior to that, it was pretty uncommon because the majority would be a one day event for everything with all guests invited to both. It sounds like you need to sit down and compromise. You need to get on the same page and find middle ground you both are happy with because you are each wanting opposite things now. Plus it gives you practice for down the road when you have other major decisions that you will have different views and need to find a happy middle ground to move forward.



As far as the shower, only invite those who are invited to the ceremony. It’s viewed as gift grabby if you invite people who are not invited to the ceremony. Having a small wedding means you give up any big pre wedding parties.

Covid has led to a lot of "do what works for you" attitudes towards weddings. If you want something small and he wants something bigger, the small ceremony and larger party seems like it would make sense, as long as you're both on board with that of course. You can definitely still have a shower, but you'd want to limit the guest list to people who are invited to every part of the wedding so nobody feels put out.

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This.

Only people that are on your "A-list" and invited to the actual wedding should be on the shower guest list.