Cocktail Hour instead of Rehearsal Dinner

Will you be having food at your cocktail hour? That's the only thing I would say make sure to include, something to eat as well as drink.

Oh yes! My FMIL is hosting it, so we will be having many hors d'oeuvres, a cheese platter, and fruit. There will be alcohol, however FMIL is only paying for everyones first drink, which I think is a bit stingy, but she's the one throwing the affair, not me so I can't really say anything. It's because she is trying to prevent drunkenness. What she doesn't realize is, regardless of if they pay or not, she can't control what people do. I'm sure nobody will get out of hand, but I guess she's just concerned about it. Whatever.. Our wedding will be an open bar.

I will say that having the cocktail as you described could be a bit tricky. I mean..if its around dinner time, the apps may not be enough. People may want to leave and go to dinner. if you go as a group, it might be weird wondering who pays or who is hosting? Also.. how are guests to know that only their first drink is covered? It sounds like it could get confusing. Just my initial thoughts...

Well the bridal party and immediate family know it's just appetizers and such and it will start at 7. I will prob be going to dinner with my bms before or something, but the food will be quite a bit for everyone (FHs mom went to culinary school so she loves food). As for drinks, I'm guessing she will inform everyone. It's not my event so I can't tell her what to do sadly. Other than that I think it will be really nice.

Sounds like you guys need to actually serve dinner. If you yourself are planning to go out to dinner beforehand you know this isn't enough food. And you're not giving people more than one drink so I really don't get how this is a hosted event?

Well there will be tons of food there, so I dunno. People usually know what to expect for a cocktail hour. I think it will be great. We wanted a laid back kind of time with everyone as most of FH family is coming from Brazil, so we wanted a lighter atmosphere to mingle with guests and things not be so rigid.

And as we aren't doing a traditional rehearsal in the evening, a cocktail hour (2 hours) we felt was the way to go.

Thanks. I respect your opinions, however I think they will feel very appreciated. I just wanted to know if anyone else was doing this.

*double

It sounds like it will be fine. I just wanted to point out, that from an outside view it could be confusing Personally, I would think 7 was dinner time if I were invited. If its not all set in stone, perhaps start at 8? But maybe its too late for you the night before the wedding. Just some food for thought

No I definitely appreciate all the comments! It will say in the invitations exactly what the event is so everyone will be aware. We could have done a dinner, but I think with so many of his relatives being from Brazil and not knowing English, it would have been a little stuffy if you know what I mean. This way we can sit or stand wherever and people will feel more relaxed.

That's frustrating. Since you can't control how your FMIL wants to host it, maybe you can frame it as "join us for a drink and hors d'ouvres before or after your dinner plans on Saturday". That makes it sound more of a drop-in event where people will know not to expect a full meal.

At 7 pm, I would expect dinner. You'll have to make sure your guests know that it will only be apples and one drink then the rest as a cash bar. They will need to have dinner before. Is there any way you could cover the drinks?

I would explain to FMIL that you don't feel comfortable with a cash bar for your guests and cover the bar yourself. It doesn't matter if it's not your event, I wouldn't accept that for my wedding party or other guests. One drink and then cash bar is extremely poor hosting.

Also, please make sure there are enough heavy apps so people aren't starving. I would never eat dinner before going to a cocktail party as I would assume a good amount of food would be provided.

Yeah there will be heavy appetizers. I already discussed the drink issue with FH and he informed me that it's just not in his moms budget for an open bar and he doesn't think it'll be necessary since there will be an open bar the next day. I wish they could have had at least two drink vouchers. I've been to weddings where it's been that way before. Oh well I guess I have to pick my battles. I want a nice rapport with my fmil so I don't really want to rock the boat over something so minute in the large scheme of things. At least I know there will be tons of food.

My FH is big on not letting our guests pay for anything so he would step in an have us pay for the rest of the cocktails. But that is just him, he isn't even letting guests pay for their own hotel rooms. I think it sounds like it will be fun, lots of food, and will be appreciated.

Also keep in mind that people will get drunk if they want to. The option of "no free drinks (or 1 free drink)" is actually worse to spurn some people on to bring their own stuff/pre-game and get wasted.

I agree with the others. I would want an actual sit down meal honestly and the bar should be covered. And if you don't think people will drink very much, cover the bar yourself.

Look I'm a HUGE fan of cocktail parties. FH and I host one every few months just because we love them and they are fun. With a cocktail party there are a few guidelines to make it a success:

1: Time. A cocktail hour is before a meal. Since you are not providing a meal this is not a cocktail hour it is a cocktail party. It needs to take place AFTER dinner time. 8p.m. is a perfect time to start.

2: Apps. When there is booze there needs to be food. A good formula is one heavy meat (beef or pork) one light meat (chicken or turkey), one seafood, a veggie platter, a fruit platter, 2 carbs (Hawaiian bread or pita with a dip and bruschetta are my go-tos) and 3-4 cheeses and cracker platter. Thats 2-3 hot apps and 3-4 cold plus cheese.

3: Drinks. Its called a COCKTAIL party not a soda-after-one-drink party. I get if your FMIL can't afford it. Then you and your FH should host the bar OR talk to your FMIL about hosting it at yours or her home if there are only a few people coming (cheaper)

You're a 5 star poster. You know how you should properly host and you know all of your arguments are against sound advice.

@MrsToBe Just wanted to say I think your guidelines are great for a cocktail party!