cocktail hour then cash bar

Well, it sounds like you're pretty much set on doing things this way...

Just spread it via word-of-mouth; don't put it on your invitations.

We were on the fence deciding between buffet and hors d'oeuvres and they are actually pretty close in cost. Unfortunately, we have to use the bar service at our venue (a boutique inn) and to me the prices are pretty high. The large concern for an open bar all evening is mainly that it's open ended, my Dad is a huge planner and doesn't like the idea of not knowing what he's going to have to pay for in advance. He is also concerned about liability.

@Laudie The website and word of mouth were my first thought of how to let people know.

If you can talk your dad into it, what about doing open bar beer and wine only and then cash bar for any hard alcohol drinks?

I completely understand your point about only certain guests being paid for. I guess my reasoning behind that was just wanting to do something for them since they are having to shell out money for dresses, suits, hair and make up, not to mention dealing with me being a little crazy during the planning process!

You could always give them a $50 bill as part of their gifts for being in the wedding party and say that it's for their tab at the wedding. That way no one is technically getting preferential treatment.

It's a nice thought but they may also try and get drinks for their friends who are not part of the wedding party

I agree with Samantha. I like the idea of heavy appetizers *as long as there is a variety and enough to replace a full meal. I think a reception is a lot of fun when you don't have to sit through a full formal dinner, it is more of a party atmosphere. I do agree with he others above about either doing cash for everyone or not at all tho. I think the best option about getting it out there that there will be a cash bar would be to add it to the info on your wedding website if you are wanting to let people know in advance.

@laudie Believe me I tried! He is a stickler and thinks the open bar during the flip is a compromise.

Or you could just pay for their hair and makeup which might cost the same amount as what they drink anyways

Well cash bars are normal in CA so I don't have an issue with them but the general consensus on WW is that they are tacky...just ignore anyone that says "ICK Cash Bar"...I did a question awhile ago about if you were a guest at a wedding, would you prefer cash bar or no bar and 99% of people said they would prefer cash bar

@Samantha and @ Brianna Yay! Thank goodness someone else feels the same way I do. Formal sit down dinners always feel stuffy and uptight to me. Most of the crowd will be young and even those who aren't like to have a good time!

Thank you all so much for the input! The tacky cash bar comments are pretty discouraging, but I know our friends and family won't think twice about it. I certainly don't at weddings with cash bars.

I'm another who absolutely loves the idea of a heavy hors d'oeuvres reception. I wanted that for my wedding, but FH preferred a more traditional buffet, and since it's one of the few things he's asked for, I'm willing to compromise.

As for the wording, you might put something like "cocktail reception to follow" to give a heads up and put more information on your wedding website. That way even if people don't look at the website, they have an idea of what's coming, and if they prefer a more traditional meal, they know they'll have to make arrangements for that.

Honestly even if people do think twice about it, you'll never know and if you do you probably won't care. People need to realize we all can't afford 100k weddings and in order to save money, that may mean having a cash bar instead of an open bar...they'll get over it

@Laudie, you are right. The few weddings I've been to with open bars had long lines all night. Average 15 minutes wait for a beverage. Cash bars aren't that uncommon you are right.

Maybe it just depends on the crowd you run with.

I would much rather have the option to pay for a beer than just having a dry wedding. I as a guest at wedding have only ever been to 2 weddings where there was a 100% open bar, and one of them was a back yard wedding so it was just bottles of beer in water troughs. All of the others have either been hosted for beer and wine and cash for everything else, or 100% cash bars. I never had a problem with either, I feel like it is an added bonus when I go to a wedding with an open bar, its not something that I expect.

I had a very low-budget wedding, but I did not do a cash bar. Instead, I DIY'ed the decor, bought a sample dress, chose a less-expensive venue, and used an iPod instead of a DJ. Truth be told, the budget should be going towards the comfort and enjoyment of your guests. It's very, very possible to have an open bar without a "100k" budget (I did it for less than a tenth of that amount). You just have to be judicious with your spending.

I would find it super upsetting to have to pay for drinks while the wedding party got all of them free. The whole thing just seems like it would leave a bad, and possibly hungry, taste in my mouth.

There will probably be a great after party though!

I think a heavy hors d'oeuvres reception is totally fine--as long as it really is "heavy" and there is plenty for everyone. And I'm not going to argue the etiquette of a cash bar on this post.

I do have a few suggestions for you, though. I would not pay the tab for wedding party & family. As a guest, if I saw this happening, I would really not be happy. And, as another poster pointed out, they might try to get drinks for their friends. Also, you say that your dad is paying for the wedding. Is there any way you and your FH could maybe save up or cut from somewhere else to pay for an open bar for your guests, even if it's limited? That would take care of a lot of the logistical problems people are mentioning (like people hoarding drinks during the cocktail hour--which is totally what I would do). Good luck!

You really shouldn't be addressing open bar/cash bar/limited bar on the invitations, but if you really want your guests to be aware of the alcohol situation, the nicest way I can think of wording it would be:

Ceremony at 4:00 PM

Cocktails and Light Appetizers at 5:00 PM

Heavy Appetizer Reception to Follow

I'd go one way or the other with the open tab. You will have guests who are offended when they realize that the bridal party is being hosted at the bar, and the rest of the guests aren't. Also, you should let the guests know that this is a casual, appetizer reception. This will give your guests the chance to eat something substantial before attending. In a passed appetizer situation, people tend to take small servings because they're polite. Six hours is a standard wedding-reception timeline, so they do need to know about the food.

If you are still unsure about how to word this, run it by your event coordinator. He/she says this type of reception is pretty typical at their venue, so they might have some ideas.

I think the OP is finding a good compromise.

I also think the concept of cash bar vs open bar is largely geographical.

I have only been to one wedding where it was open bar.

Every other wedding I've went to (and one summer there was close to 7 or 8 of them) either had the open bar during cocktail hour and then cash for dinner - or cash bar during the whole thing.

Best of luck as my parents feel the same way about the liability aspect as they are paying for the bar - they therefore are assuming the responsibility of over serving - its a fine line to navigate