cocktail hour then cash bar

We are also doing a cash bar. I try to keep it to myself on this site just because of the way people feel about it. My FH and I are sober so do not drink at all. A good amount of our guests are also sober, but we wanted to be sure our family members and friends that do drink had the option. I did not include it on the invites, I put that there will be an open bar on our website and I have also tried to tell as many people ahead of time. I think as long as people know there shouldn't be a problem.

I think cash bars are most definitely a regional thing. I live in the DC area and had never heard of cash bars until I came on wedding wire. It would not be acceptable in my social circle. Though I have to agree with Laudie, given the choice, I would prefer cash bar to no bar.

However, if you have attended a lot of weddings and they mostly had cash bars and it seems like it's acceptable in your area, I don't see a problem with it.

Grumbledore- How are you doing it? I am genuinely curious how on a 6K budget a open bar all night is possible..? Please teach me your ways.

All things considered, I would expect for most guests to leave early. Either they'll be hungry (snacks just won't cut the mustard), or they'll have gotten schnockered during the cocktail hour (on empty stomachs), or they'll be peeved at a cash bar/some guests getting free drinks while others do not.

I would seriously, seriously rethink this plan.

Whitney, we are having a " heavy appetizer" reception and ours will be going over dinner time. We are not doing it to save money, but because my FH likes appetizers much better than dinner. Our caterer has experience with this type of a setup and he assures us that our guests will have enough to eat and we will not run out of food. He refers to it as a Tapas Reception and it is something he does often.

1) Don't provide an open bar only for a select few. All or none.

2) Feed people a whole meal.

I'm actually curious about Grumbledore's breakdown too. How did you do it? What does the $6G entail? How many people are you inviting?

@Donna Thank you, I've said a few times here the heavy apps reception is my preference and it's not to save money either. I have, my parents, and future in laws have all been to several weddings serving only heavy apps here in NC and prefer it over meals.

@ Shannon S. I do understand the concern over paying for the bridal party's drinks, and am thinking it over. Also, there will be food provided during cocktail hour as well.

@grumbledore It's awesome that you are able to do all you'd like to on a$6,000.00 budget. I appreciate your input but not your self righteous attitude. I posted in this forum for help with wording on enclosure cards, not to be bashed for my ideas. I wish you the best of luck with your wedding!

For wording, I would do word of mouth or perhaps on your website if people aren't used to it. It's definitely a regional thing for opinions on cash bars. In CA it's not a big deal at all, and I've been to tons of weddings with an open bar followed by cash bar. People are used to and aren't surprised by it or offended by it - they're happy to have that one hour hosted and they usually get wine and champagne at dinner too.

Grumbledore - how many guests are you inviting?

Like grumbledore, I had a small budget - about 9K in the DC area, and we did an open bar. Here are some ways to save money:

1. Shorter reception - slicing one hour off our reception saved us about 2K.

2. Nontraditional venue - we used a pub with great food instead of a banquet center

3. iPod playlist instead of a DJ (we were able to use the sound system at the pub)

4. My gown was a sample, and my accessories were from Forever 21

5. DIY hair and makeup

6. DIY decor (we spent about $500 total on flowers, pinwheels, etc)

7. Pro photographer for ceremony and portraits afterwards, vs. a full day

8. Kept the guest list under control - we wound up with 90 guests

Oh, and we skipped a limo, too - it was much more fun to ride the hotel shuttle with our guests!

Grumbledore- Thanks! We searched for a place also that is considered "budget friendly" as well. We also found a venue that allows us to bring in our own licensed/ insured caterer (my father, who has been a chef my entire life and has his own catering business) which saved us mucho $$. We are able to bring in our own liquor too and have hired licensed/ insured bartenders for our event. Ours will be an open limited bar (we will have beer, wine, and select hard liquor/ mix for our guests.

@Shannon S - those are great ideas on way to cut costs but sometimes those are not feasible for people to do and their priorities may lie differently than your own.

For example - I want a band and a photographer all day - those are my high priority items as well as a shuttle for my guests to and from the hotel/venue. All "must haves" for me. But flowers aren't important to me at all.

But - I do not personally think 9k is that small of a budget - you had 90 people (I'm assuming that attended) - given all expenses for your wedding you spent $100 per person.

Same to gumbledore - you are saying you have a small budget - if you have the 80 guests you mention in your post and a $6000 budget - you are still spending (all inclusive on the budget) $75 per person at your wedding. But you aren't counting everything into the budget based on your last post.

My entire wedding for 168 people invited is costing just about 10k - (that is if all attend) is approximately $60 per person.

Sometimes budgets aren't about the total amount - its about how much per person are you spending.
So perspective wise - I am spending less than both of you per person and have to make my priorities count for the reasons that I believe are important

From my point of view, Whitney, a cash bar is totally acceptable. I've been to several weddings with cash bars and I have never been insulted or irritated. I wouldn't necessarily mention it on your invitation, though. One of my best friends is getting married in April and is having a "heavy apps" reception. I'm really looking forward to it! She got the word out through her website and word-of-mouth. Do what works for you- it's YOUR day. Good luck and enjoy!

Something to factor in is location and how that affects budget - in the DC area, a wedding my size would ordinarily set you back 30K.

Ultimately, is a wedding about you being a Princess for a Day, or about celebrating with family and friends? I think it's the latter, so my priorities were focused on the comfort and enjoyment of my guests. If it's all about you, a pretty dress, and pretty photos, why have guests at all?

@ashley the reason we are doing a cocktail hour is because our ceremony and reception are both in the courtyard of the venue so they have to flip the area after the ceremony. Guests will be moved into the bar/lounge area of the inn while the bridal party takes photos. We wanted something for the guests to do during that time instead of just standing around.

Shannon - My guests will be comfortable and hopefully enjoy themselves at my wedding. But that doesn't mean that I am going to be able to spend $100 per person for them to do that.

I knew my budget, I knew my guest list, and I knew what my priorities are for the day - FH and I happen to love music which is why a band was important to us - A photographer is important to me because after the things that have happened in my own life - it's important to have those memories to look back on because time is so short. A shuttle is important to ourselves as well as our guests safety - Drinking and driving is a huge problem we want to avoid if at all possible.

That being said - I have no problem with the OPs plan - it's a good compromise and I think her guests will be completely fine with her decisions.

The pictures aren't the reason, it's because we have to have them clear out of the ceremony/reception area so they can remove the chairs from the ceremony and set up tables, chairs, flower arrangements, etc for the reception. If we did not provide food or drinks during that time the guests would just be standing around

The venues near me (nyc/north jersey) that do all hors d'oeuvres receptions (and I love them too) do VERY light hors d'oeuvres (cold station and then a few passed things) for just the amount of time it takes to get the room flipped, then the first dance, then stations open and more hors d'oeuvres are passed. There is usually no assigned seating, no place cards, and a mix of seating;small tables, airport tables, and lounge furniture. It's pretty seamless except for a little time for the toasts/ first dance. They usually do not start as late as you're starting.

I have never seen a cash bar in this area; I think that would be the awkward part, in addition to paying for some people and not others. I see plenty of limited bars (wine, beer, sig drink). I would also expect that no one who does a cash bar would know how their guests felt about it, because really, who is going to complain about it to the bride and groom? They won't. They'll either be fine with it or leave.

That being said, 'heavy hors d'oeuvres" can mean anything from little sliders to multiple food stations. A reception at dinner time really needs to have enough food, and I'm sorry, enough liquor. And you need to do away with anything that signals, "Everyone sit down now, dinner is on the way."

As for the invites? "join us for hors d'oeuvres after the ceremony". Spread the news about the cash bar via word of mouth.