Cold feet: Just plain anxiety or impending disaster?

I think it's normal to feel anxiety about the wedding. It is a very stressful thing to plan, and it's a big deal! But my anxiety has nothing to do with FH being the right one or us being ready to get married. If you have questions and concerns, definitely get them answered and settled before the big day!

Personally? i had no doubts. sure there were certain parts of the wedding planning process that were annoying, but there was no doubt that my husband will make me a happy woman for the rest of our lives. only you can interpret your feelings and whether it's the overarching idea of marriage in general, your FH (or both?) and how much that impacts your decision to move toward marriage with him

I for one have a panic disorder and experience anxiety over pretty much every single thing in life lol. However I do not have anxiety about marrying FH. I have anxiety when it comes to everything coming together, being on time, looking good, everyone being where they're supposed to be and doing what they're supposed to do and a tiny bit of anxiety that FH will panic. but that is it. Nothing to panic about in terms of commitment because there is nothing I want more in this world than to stand by my partners side for the rest of our lives.

We legally married in December for a number of reasons, including insurance benefits, even though our wedding is in August. When I went to make a change to my benefits at work, which I was able to schedule in advance of signing our wedding certificate, my finger hovered over the enter key for a couple of minutes. I think it's normal to second-guess yourself. If you never second-guessed yourself on big decisions, you are either supremely confident in your life plans or you have no respect for consequences at all.

I had cold feet prior to my first wedding, questioning whether or not I should marry him, that we would actually have a successful marriage and be together forever. I thought it was normal and that everyone went through it at one time or another. I also chalked it up to this being a major commitment and a big life change. I dragged my feet changing my name, and never did get used to it. After we divorced I swore I would never get married again.

Then I met DH. From early on in our relationship I knew we'd be together for a long time. When he proposed, I said yes, and never looked back. I knew it wouldn't always be easy, but I also knew he was the right one for me. I never had that "I'm not sure about this" feeling that I had prior to marrying my ex. There was a lot more at stake the second time too - 2 children involved, already divorced once and had to start over, but like I said, it's just "right." Nothing is a "big deal" in a drama-related sort of way this time. It just feels very "natural."

FH and I just got our first place together last week. When it came to sign the contract and make it all official, I think I stopped. I reread the contract a couple times. It happens with big decisions. I second what SunshineJenn said.

I think that a lot of people (not everyone, just a lot of people) get anxious about making such a huge decision, and get a little bit, "Uh oh, this is really happening, isn't it?"

The problem is when you have LOTS of doubts and you feel this nagging feeling that you're making a mistake.

I agree with Stephanie and how she put it. The notion of being married makes me very nervous because my mother never had the best track record and I saw the very ugly and crushing side of divorce more times than I would like.

I dont feel im making a mistake though and know I want to marry my FH. Thats the difference between cold feet and knowing it shouldnt take place at all in my opinion.

It's interesting to see people's different interpretations. Everyone has very good points.

I agree with @SunshineJenn and @Truffle. I think it's safe to say that everyone experiences some sort of anxiety throughout the engagement, and honestly I think it's ok to have some questions and concerns. As a matter of fact, I think it's even healthy. You're thinking logically and realistically, not just "leading with your heart" and feelings (however exploited the concept of the latter may be in our romance film culture). I'd rather have a million questions than not have any and jump blindly into something serious and unknown.

Regardless of how confident we may be about marriage and our love for our future spouse, we are, to some degree, unprepared for what lies ahead. The future is unpredictable; thus, I firmly believe that accepting the fact that we don't always have answers proves that we are in touch with reality.

To be honest I think it depends on the type of person you are. Some people just worry more. When FH & I first got engaged I didn't have any fears about getting married to him or him being the right guy but I did go through a few weeks of mourning my single self. We had already been committed for 4 years but the ring had a finality to it! However any anxiety I have had has been regarding the wedding events...finances, family getting along etc... Never about FH. If the feeling nags at you it's probably something to consider before getting married.

@DlovesD - I think you totally hit the nail on the head with the statement "mourning my single self"! I think that's what I'm going through.

DEFINITELY true about mourning your single self. I miss the thrill of meeting someone and crushing on someone, and the whole, "Oh my god, are they going to kiss me? Aaaah they just touched my leg suggestively!" thing. But I also know that all of those thrills were only thrilling (for me, specifically) because of the possibility that things would turn into a relationship.

When I hear the term I think of fear and anxiety to the point that it stops you, or prevents you from doing something. To that extent I haven't experienced it. I have experienced self doubt and anxiety. I think in weighing life decisions second thoughts are a natural way of completely thinking them through. If I were to feel any dread or that it was a mistake that would be different than coming to terms with something that forever changes two lives. I definitely agree with mourning your single self.

@StephanieA - You couldn't have said it any better. That's exactly how I feel. The trill was the best part about being single.

@StormKosman - True.