Cold Feet or End?

Postponing is a totally legitimate option. With my exH, I started seeing red flags leading up to the wedding and went through with it anyways, splitting up later became a nightmare. In hindsight I should have put things off a year so we could have gotten on the same page....be it staying together or not.

This. So much this.

His behavior isn't just upsetting, it is a serious red flag for controlling and abusive behavior. As someone who spent years in an emotional abusive and manipulative relationship, walk away while you can. You don't want to feel trapped with someone who will try to control where you are and who you see and that behavior almost never changes for the better.

Wow. Sounds like you're going through a lot. At first glimpse, this seems like a Pam and Roy situation (the office). On another hand, it seems like you may be dealing with some forms of depression and maybe a little abuse. And on both my feet, it seems like you're ready to walk out. It's up to you.

It sounds like you need to postpone at the very least.

I would at the very least postpone the wedding and go to couples counseling if you want to see if you can make it work. 100% honesty here, I would not marry someone I was hoping would change

If you want to stay with him, push your wedding back and work on your relationship before you get married. If you're sure that you don't want to be with him anymore then have that talk with him and don't get married. Either way, from what you've shared with us, I don't believe you two are ready to get married right now.

I remember one time in my FH and I's relationship where we loathed one another. We were ready to throw in the towel, I had already talked with my parents and friends about breaking up. Things were really bad... So we talked to our pastor. We had been putting so much pressure on each other to be perfect that we had forgotten we could let go of the little things every once in a while and have fun. Talk with someone outside of your relationship, that is not fully engrossed in either yours or his life. Maybe you end up walking away, maybe you end up sticking it out. Overall, this is your decision. If you really want to leave then have an exit strategy, but if you're hanging on figure out why and move forward with one another.

I would not get married if you are feeling this way. I regret getting married the first time. I wasn't 100% sure and everyone told me I should wait and at least postpone until I was sure but we went with it anyways and now we are divorced. Go with your gut. Give it time if you need to. Have a really honest talk with him. If you can't talk to him about what you are feeling then you really should not be diving into marriage.

I think you know deep down the answer. Unfortunately it sounds like some situations others have been in where they “want to do the right thing” after they have a baby so they get married and then things just go South and it sounds as though things aren’t the most positive. I’m wondering if since you stayed at home for so long he kinda forgot what it’s like to not treat you as a child although he shouldn’t be anyways. But I do agree even if he says he’ll change it’s much easier said than done and it’s not going to happen before the wedding.

YES! You are pretty much telling yourself what you think and want, and it seems like it is not to be married right now! Just because you do not get married in 2 months doesn't mean it can't happen in a few years once you venture out and find yourself. If you are wanting to be free and have a life then do that, make sure you don't have any regrets when you get married or you will build up resentment and have a lot of "what-if" thoughts.

FH had a similar issue when he was having "what if" thoughts last year, I was his first serious girlfriend and we were together for 3 years. I told him I didn't want him to resent not getting to venture into the world and see what he really wanted. Turns out that after 3 weeks of our breakup he realized he was where he wanted to be all along, then we got back together and he started planning his proposal to me.

It is very possible that all you need is a "break" to see what you really want. You will either miss him tremendously and want to marry him, or you will realize you would rather not. Again, even if you realize you don't want to marry him now, that does not mean it isn't a possibility for later in life. But you can't expect him to wait around for you either..

Walk away. You, him, and your children will both be happier away from an environment like that.

First, find a counselor/therapist. Preferably, find two: one for just you to work on your depression and another for couples counseling (unless you want to break it off entirely).

Second, if not a total break, consider some sort of separation. You're both young (under 25?), and in a stage of your lives where you need to figure out yourselves. It's fairly common for people your age to get depressed and start questioning themselves, I can only imagine it's even harder if you're bound in a long term relationship with children. Move out, look into daycare options so that you both can get more of a life outside your home. His behavior could be a red flag, it could also be that your increased independence has him uncomfortable and some independence would be a good experience for both of you.

Obviously no one can answer this but you. My Fiance and I fight and in that moment I worry, can we do this, will we make it, do we really want to do this? I don't think, I want to be free. I am a person who LOVES being single, I love my own personal time, not having to worry or schedule anything with anyone. Being free. And sometimes I need him to just back off and give me some space. That is just the type of person that I am because I thrive on being alone. But dude, I love this guy. We have such an awesome time together and we are there for each other. I might not miss him while I am gone for work all day and I might love coming home to an empty house but I am excited to be married to him, to continue our adventure in life, and wake up to him every day. If you aren't certain, that doesn't necessarily mean that you should break up, maybe you just aren't ready for that step. But again, only you and he can decide that.