Cold Feet Second Time Around

Okay, I'm amused at "pre-martial " counseling. If your counseling is prewar, perhaps cold feet are the least of the problems!

More seriously, I think you'll always have some nervousness about a second wedding if the first ended in divorce. At a first marriage, it's possible to believe that if you just do the right things, your marriage will of course be forever. At a second marriage after a divorce, you've already experienced that what seems so promising at the outset may not last forever, no matter how hard you try.

Plus, the divorce rate for second marriages is 67%, meaning that there is a very high chance it will happen again. You'd have to be insane not to worry at least a little about that.

On the other hand, it's typically not marriage, but duration of the relationship, that results in your partner changing. So if not risking a split-up is critical to you, your only real option is never having a relationship again. Are you really willing to do that to avoid the risk of divorce?

So basically, if your worries are about marriage, not about him, you're right to worry--but that doesn't mean you should forego marriage to him. I'd be much more concerned if your worries were about him.

That's great he's so supportive! Honestly the pre-marital counseling has helped so much. I think recognizing that you need to continuously work on your relationship is really the best thing in the world. Everyone does, really, ya know? But your worries and anxieties are completely normal. I think after being married once you're always worried about a repeat of history no matter how wonderful your current partner is.

I think it's normal. Honestly, I am the first one out of my friends getting married for a second time and I feel kind of alone. I have zero reservations about my FH. I love him to pieces, in a way I honestly didn't think I could ever love anyone. I had no hesitation saying yes when he proposed. The day after we got engaged I remember driving to work and having a moment of panic when I looked at my hand. I am scared to get married again. I am not scared to be married to my FH per se, but I am terrified of another failed marriage. Right or not, I really felt like a failure when my first marriage fell apart. I even worried about telling people I was engaged this time (honestly, I think everyone was happier for me this time than the first time). I was afraid people were thinking "here we go again.." but that was my own hangup.

The stats on the success of second marriages also has been scaring me. I try to stop myself and just focus on my relationship and what I feel for my FH. I feel completely different getting married this time around. Different in a good way. I am trying very hard to focus on that.