Commitment ceremony and rings

My fiance and I did a commitment ceremony, just the two of us, before we were even officially engaged. We went into the woods near our house, said vows to each other, and exchanged rings.

It was our way of committing our lives to each other without the legal commitment.

So yes I think it would be appropriate for you to exchange/wear rings if that's what you want to do.

Be very, very careful. The government has been known to claim marriage-like ceremonies are marriages when it benefits it to do so, even if there was no legal ceremony.

Here in Canada, a polyamorous couple who had a commitment ceremony got in trouble for bigamy (one was already legally married) even though the ceremony was not legal.

It may be possible for them to consider you as married or common law and use it as an excuse to withdraw benefits. I would highly recommend seeking legal advice prior to doing anything.

Very good advice from the above PP.

but, no I do not think it would be odd to wear rings.

Not weird to wear rings. However, do you and your partner plan to live together afterward? Wouldn't you be considered common-law after a period of time anyway? Where I'm from it is 1 year of living under the same roof. I'd look into it further before making any decisions.

I've never heard this before. Everywhere I've been in contact with has stated a commitment ceremony would be fine.

Different states have different laws on what they deem a marriage and not all states recognize common law. I would absolutely consider medical advice. as for the rings, I think it is a fabulous idea. my FH got me a ring a few years ago and then I got him one for Valentine's day. I think it's a lovely way of showing your love and dedication regardless of your legal marital status.

Common law marriages are not recognized in my state.

I've never heard of legislation that legally prevents anyone disabled from getting married. Wouldn't that clearly be discrimination? I would definitely talk with a lawyer.

I suspect what the OP means is that she wants to remain unmarried in order to keep her disability benefits. Something like that?

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My assumption as well... but on that note, (if we are correct) if living together it could be a slippery slope with the government... in my state (IL) the government is very picky about the living arrangements of anyone it deems itself to be helping support - I had a friend getting assistance and they would do surprise checks to make sure she didn't have any boyfriend or roommate living with her - it came down to income.. if someone living in the household getting assistance could afford to pay the rent/mortgage/bills the gov't didn't want to foot the bill...

NOTING - I am in no way stating an opinion or condemning or condoning either side of this "argument" ... just sharing something I knew from experience. Don't want to get into a debate on entitlements!

View Quoted Comment I also live in IL.

Are you and fiance going to call each other husband and/or wife after the ceremony? If your friends and family were asked, would they say the two of you are married? If so, the government is likely going to consider you married, license or not. You really need to talk with a lawyer who specializes in disability to get answers to your questions.

I think it's pretty terrible to work the government if it's for a check .. because I don't see why you couldent get married.

We're not trying to work the government for a check, we cant afford my medical care any other way. I have multiple doctors appointments weekly and without the help from medicare, which i would lose if i get married, we would be helpless.

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I think it's truly terrible that is how your medical system works... but I would be extremely careful about having any sort of ceremony. Here in Canada you would absolutely get penalized for getting married if you were receiving disability benefits (although we also recognize common law after one year, so you couldn't live together either).

It might not be possible to have a marriage like ceremony if losing your medical care is a possible consequence. Seek legal advice from a disability lawyer in your state.

View Quoted Comment But in a sense, that is exactly what you are doing. If you would still get your check and be able to get legally married, would you still be having a commitment ceremony?? I highly doubt it. You'd be having a legal wedding then.

But it doesn't matter, because that isn't the situation. The fact of the matter is that because of my health- I live at home, I can't afford my medications and appointments... Disability takes care of that and I can not lose that. We just want to do a small ceremony to celebrate our love since it will most likely be years before we can actually get married.

It's still screwing the system. If you have more income than you're stating, if you have access to insurance through his employer, if you have more help than you're claiming... It's shady.

Just be aware that you can lose your benefits by appearing married. What will you do if that happens?

Im confused, in illinois you require a liscense to be married. Common law is not valid. How would they recognize our ceremony as marriage? I have scoured the internet and I can't find anything on any of this.