Communicating your HoneyFund registry

I went to lunch and this is still here. Thanks to the user posting the link to the other thread for @Emmy

This has proved entertaining!

A registry is tacky when its on the invitation. It is not tacky as a guide to help your guests to purchase you a gift if they choose too!

*Gifts are not required nor expected. They are exactly what it says, a gift. If they were required they'd be called a requirement. heh

@LadyMonk - I think there is a difference. My bridesmaid is Russian and Jewish and she said that in her culture/family/community no one ever gives gifts at the wedding. Any tangible gift is at the bridal shower but everyone "Knows" that at the wedding you just put money in an envelope.

I think some groups approach it differently.

@ Lori - there is that option, and I am sure some people take advantage of that. That is more a reflection on them as dishonest people.

Zola gives you the option of adding registry items that are not from their online catalog. If you use their catalog of items, then you are "gifted" the value of that item. If you import from a website, your guests or whoever chooses that item is directed to that website to make the purchase.

That is how I understand the process

The only way a registry would be tacky is if we went back in time, say 300 years ago when a family paid a damn dowry, land, cattle, etc. to marry their daughter off.

@Amie, I'm Italian. We stick the money in the envelope for weddings. However, its still rude to register for money. In fact in my family, they'd cringe and reduce the amount given. Asking for money is crass.

@Emmy a honeyfund like any registry is purely suggestion. You aren't asking anyone for anything that would differ from a normal registry. If someone doesn't want to provide funds to the honeyfund, or buy off a registry they aren't obligated to.

It's a real thing that people use now - get over it; if you don't like it don't use it for your registry, and if you're a guest to a wedding of someone who has one don't contribute. It's pretty simple.

In many cultures it's an unspoken common knowledge to give money within certain traditions... It's still rude to ask for money. Even with dollar dances, people don't go out and put on the website/invitation- "there's going to be a dollar dance so bring money" no. The people in the culture and tradition will remember to bring money and that's how it happens yeesh

@sue. My FH and I are established and have all of the necessary household items. That is precisely why we are not having a registry. For us, we feel it is impolite to register for items we really don't need and would never consider asking for funds for a trip because we don't need pots and pans. Instead we are going to treat our guests to a great time with plenty of food, drinks and fun!

It's a real thing that people use now - get over it

you have the worst logic, seriously stop with the "get with the times, it is a thing now, modern rules are so different" go home you're drunk.

ETA: punctuation

I'm impressed that OP popped back in--I mean, how often do we get that around 2pm on a WTF Wednesday?? And with a private name, date & ring avatar? Right on, ladies! Thanks for saving my afternoon from total boredom!

I want to go home and be drunk. And I can't on so many levels it sucks.

Just because it is more common now, it doesn't make it less rude.

The polite way of not getting things and getting cash is just don't register. Then have your gossipy family member spread the word.

In my family a lot of the older generation just puts money in an envelope. That's how it is and that's how it's always been. Honestly, we have a registry but I don't think anyone from my family will even give a gift but rather hand us cards at our reception. FW didn't even want a registry but I did want to upgrade a few items and wanted a few things that we do need in our home even though we have lived together/are established.

Fact of the matter is registered or not guests are going to get you what they want. Cash, boxed gift or whatever. Registering for gifts or a honeyfund is still asking for something. Some people just feel better about a blender than a check/cash and others feel better about a check/cash than a boxed gift. Not everyone feels the same way. Whatever. Funny thing is people discuss social standards and what's "rude" yet in the same sentence insult you and call you names, Ass backwards. If you're worried about being called "tacky" or "rude" lmao welcome to the real world. We've all been called rude or tacky at some point in our lives "shoulder shrugs." Is registering for a honeymoon going to end friendships? No. IF someone doesn't agree will they talk about you? Yes. That's life. I'm 100 percent sure we all get talked about any damn way. Who cares. People are going to call your decorations, hair, entire set up, whether or not you have kids at your wedding tacky. Who cares. At the end of the day people have a choice and those who disagree with a honeyfund just won't give to it. Those who don't agree with a registry period just won't give to that either. No one is pointing a gun to their head making them give anything.

I gotta say, I kinda agree with those who just don't see the big difference between a honeyfund and a regular registry.

I wouldn't do one - but then I also didn't want to do a registry but the FMIL and the rest of FH's family kept bringing it up so I figured I would do it just to make my life easier.

My social circle and family back home (including my Mum) look at registries as incredibly tacky. And are more likely to be like 'oh you want that specific xyz, yeah, well you can have this silver photo frame that I picked out instead - screw you and your tacky list of 'requests'.

I'm not saying they are right - I kind of get the sense behind them to prevent getting 7 toasters - and when I explained it to my Mum she was a bit more OK with it - but tacky is so completely dependent on your social circle and culture.

To me there is no difference between saying 'we would prefer cash and/or help towards our honeymoon' and 'here is a list of shit we don't really need, but if you're going to buy us something make sure it's exactly the brand of blender that we want'.

They are both tacky - coming at it from my cultural and social background.

That said my cousin broke the rules and put a poem essentially asking for cash on his invite. That is tacky. Word of mouth only.

@whit - You are not good at wedding forums.

ETA: arrows

@Kirstin that's all well intended for sure, but reality is a wedding is a gift giving time. When I'm invited to a wedding - whether the couple is registered or not I get them a gift. And I guess has others have stated on this site if a couple isn't registered it's customary to give cash. But you are right not registering is always an option.

@Emmy That's fine if you don't agree, and obviously my opinion is not the favourable of the majority, I understand and respect that. But I should still be allowed to voice it without being insulted, you seem to always feel the need to belittle people and really what's the point?

@Nicola, a registry should never be mentioned unless someone asks. I think thats what makes them less tacky. Also as M has been stating, it is a wish list. You don't need to purchase off the registry.

Or clarify that the logic is poor to hopefully aid some other poor soul away from your opinion and rhetoric used to make it seem like asking for vacations or cash is "modern and now"

Just start a registry instead of asking for cash OP. Asking for cash is rude and you shouldn't do it