Communicating your HoneyFund registry

@IHJ You're right about them never being mentioned unless asked. But that doesn't make them less tacky. It is a wish list - but then again, I see no difference with a honeymoon fund - you don't need to give to that just like you don't need to purchase off the registry. Both are simply ways of letting guests know what you might like should they be interesting in buying you a gift.

I have a registry, I had a lot of fun making it with FH. Didn't stop me feeling a little icky when my Mum asked about it.

I guess I'm just trying to say in a very roundabout way that tacky is not a universally applied thing.

@sue while conceptually I agree with you that weddings are associated with gift giving I think that the bigger point is missed. Guests are attending the function as a witness and are there to support the union. The gift, if chosen to give, should reflect that. This is why cash is viewed as Impolite since it is very impersonal. Additionally, if a couple chooses not to register, that is an indication that they prefer to not receive gifts. To not honor the request is just as impolite regardless of the warm sentiment.

Regardless, the couple requesting cash is never polite regardless of any circumstance.

Just post it on your Facebook wall for all your facebook friends to see, (insert sarcasm).

Yeah, don't do the above, super tacky, don't put it on your invites....and Honeyfund takes a percentage of your money. Sure we all WANT cash (yes, all of us want it, I know), but having a honeyfund or other cash registries is the WORST.

Side note, I still cant believe the "acquaintance" of mine who posted on her FACEBOOK wall, "if I have a honeyfund will guest still give me gifts??" Umm, really?? not to mention her other 100 posts for her "wedding guests" to RSVP, reserve their room, and "don't forget this coupon for my registry"..omg...some people just have no clue. Don't be THAT bride, please!

@Kristin (edited) I do agree that a point of a wedding is not to get gifts and definitely as you stated to be a witness and to support the union of two people. My responses were centered around the point of the wedding gift since the original post was regarding this aspect of a wedding.

@sue, please note my name is Kristin not Kirstin. The details do make a difference.

Https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PV3_UHG73oQ

I went for lunch, but I'm Chinese and it IS one of those cultures that the traditional gift is cash in a lucky red envelope. But would I ever DREAM of asking for money? NO! That is still not culturally ok, ever. That's what I meant.

Just thought of something I wanted to add. People will generally give you money when you get married and invite them to a ceremony/reception without you asking for it. For example, my grandma just mailed our wedding card instead of bringing it to the reception. I didn't ask her for money, yet the card had money in it. Ta-da!

@Kristin - noted! My apologies!

@Sue, thank you.

Looking back, I went to a wedding that had a honeyfund and a money dance. At the time the dollar dance was what got under my skin the most. The couple did not come from a cultural background where the money dance was a tradition, I felt like they just added it on because they probably heard about it online during wedding planning and thought why not? I did not participate needless to say. It's good to have these conversations on wedding forums about things like honeyfunds so that some people might get the hint that just because a lot of people are starting to do it, it isn't okay.

Wow... there's a lot of shade being thrown on here. Perhaps it's a generational thing, but I've had a lot of friends register for Honeyfund and it's been pretty well received all around.

I do agree that anything registry (honeyfund or otherwise) related should NOT be on your save the dates or invitations. Just put a note on your wedding website or if people want, they can ask you as well.

And don't worry about all the flack you're getting on here. For our honeyfund, we made sure to outline that we do not NEED any gifts, presence is presents enough, but if people want to give us an 'experience' it's welcomed- so we put things like 'swimming with stingrays' and 'boat drinks' on our fund with the intention of being able to send those people pictures of us doing those activities with their thank you cards. For the record, our honeymoon itself is already paid for, anything given just helps make it a bit more comfy

And I realize that apparently on the wedding wire comment boards that Honeyfund is not terribly popular (yeouch!) and am bracing myself for the inevitable blow back, but ultimately you have to do what works best for you and your people (I come from a long line of procrastinators who were very happy to be able to give digitally). At the end of the day, it's the intention that truly matters.

Just wanted to jump in with a few arguments in favor of honeyfunds, since there seems to be such a stigma:

Value: I'm marrying my fiance so we can share experiences together, not accumulate unnecessary stuff. Voluntary donations to help us travel match the sentiment of the wedding much more than material gifts.

Fees: While Honeyfund charges a fee, we are the ones that pay that (small) fee, not our guests. We're actually saving our guests the cost of sales tax.

Politeness/expectations: The fact that we're doing a honeyfund rather than a traditional registry changes nothing about our level of expectation when it comes to receiving gifts. We didn't mention it in our invitation, same a traditional registry, and we're not talking about it any more than we would a traditional registry. In fact, I was able to tailor the donation increments so people who can't afford an expensive gift don't have to worry; there are plenty of donation slots available in the $8-20 range. As opposed to my most recent experience with a registry, in which I went in and discovered only $50-100 items left available. Lastly, as the above commenter said, we will be able to pay for the honeymoon regardless of the number of donations we receive. The fund is just to avoid unnecessary stuff and give our guests the option of offering us a gift we would actually value.

Honestly, I would rather give a gift of cash for a honeyfund going towards something the couple actually needed, rather than them just create a registry and waste money on crap they don't need. That's my prospective. As another poster mentioned, Asking for cash is no different than asking for gifts from a registry..I see you already got married.. congratulations! So how did you do it?

Wish I'd read through before asking about this too. I'd never heard of it but most responses were rather hurtful when I simply stated it had been a suggestion from several people. I understand really wanting to have a get away from life with your loved one especially right after the honey moon and with the traditional brides parents paying for the wedding not being traditional anymore it's really hard to afford all the BS and ruffles that a lot of "adults" expect and think you can afford. If you want to do a honey fund and it's mostly friends and family I doubt anyone would get upset especially if they are close to you. I'd suggest doing a small registry, and having a box or jar or something at the wedding so a percentage of their money doesn't go to a company. Or if people just insist in buying you multiples of the same thing you can try to resell it. Especially if you don't have the space for all of it. This is about you and your fh not snarky guests who aren't paying a cent to eat a free meal and party. If you think they'd have a poor opinion, don't invite them.