Conflicted on making moh into a bm

I think this is on you, she told you she wanted to step down, you basically twisted her arm into staying and now you're blaming her for not wanting to be a part of it after already expressing that. A lot can change in 2 years and you don't know what's going on with her, I think you should let her have the out that she requested.

"we’re throwing ideas out and got intimidated-literally her word, that everyone was “excited” and she said that she’s glad I have people there for me and said she feels like it’s much and wanted to step away. Which seemed every selfish in my opinion."

No one should or will care about your wedding day as much as you and you can't force someone to, events like showers and bachelorettes while fun, are optional for bridesmaids. She isn't being selfish for wanting to step away or expressing her feelings. As her friend, you should have been more understanding or sympathetic to her feelings.

Part of me thinks that your bridesmaids planning the bachelorette rubbed her the wrong way. Where I'm from, the MOH usually hosts/plans that and her feelings could have been hurt by everyone else deciding to plan and take the lead.

That being said, she told you she wanted to step down, yet you listed out reasons why you chose her and didn't accept her decision until she changed it to staying your MOH. 2 years is a long time and people change, not to mention you were trying to keep your friendship alive during long distance and you yourself said it wasn't working.

Like Ashlee said, no one will be as or more excited for your wedding than you, and you can't expect nor force them to. It's not selfish of her to want to step down and frankly I think you'd regret it if you kept her as your MOH. Accept her feelings, and let her go. It sounds like your friendship has ran it's course, and that's fine! Things happen and people grow apart.

You're allowed to ask for help but it's rude to expect it in any situation. Just because someone is willing to stand up in your wedding doesn't mean they have to help you. While I get that it's a bummer that you helped her, she let you know that she wasn't in the position to do that for you, and being in someone else's wedding shouldn't be about what they can do for you when you get married.

I would talk to her and let her know that you were wrong to push her into staying and allow her to back out if that's still what she wants. As others have said, she let you know her feelings and tried to make this easier but you pushed her to stay and now you have to pick up the pieces.

Be aware that asking anyone to step down is a friendship ending move. Even if it is demoting someone to bridesmaid from maid of honor.

If someone is not your BFF in your innermost current social circle, they should not be asked to be a bridesmaid.

I would just sit her down and have an honest conversation with her. Let her know that you're there to listen to her and validate her feelings. I'd tell her: Hey I know you were wanting to step down, and I feel like I forced you to stay in that position and I can tell that it's making you unhappy. While I'll miss our friendship and having you part of my bridal party, I value your feelings and want you to be comfortable and happy. If that means you stepping down, then I'll accept that and respect your decision.

It's easy to only think of one's self and one's own feelings, especially during wedding planning because we have this idea in our head that it has to be perfect and it's all about us, when the whole process and event involves several people.

Just be prepared that this could be the end of your friendship with her, but like I said, it sounds like it was going downhill from the start when she moved. Good luck!!