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Ava
VIP May 2022

Confused about personal “vows”

Ava, on June 23, 2021 at 9:34 AM Posted in Wedding Ceremony 1 74
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Has anyone else noticed that when couples say they wrote their own vows…. they aren’t actually vows? I’ve been noticing this at every wedding I have attended recently, as well as most of the weddings on reality TV wedding shows. Vows are a list of promises you are making to one another. (Hence, in traditional vows you “vow” to love and to cherish… till death do you part.. etc etc). But now whenever I see ceremonies where couples have written their own “vows”, they are really just speeches. They tell how they met their spouse, how much they love them, share funny little anecdotes, etc. That’s cute and all… but those aren’t VOWS. Does this bother anyone else, or is it just
me? LOL I cringe inside every time I hear “The couple has chosen to write their own vows”… followed by vow-less speeches. It’s like a teacher asking you to go to the chalk board and solve a problem, but instead you stand at the front of the class and tell everyone why math is your favorite subject. That’s great and all, but you didn’t solve the problem LOL

74 Comments

Latest activity by Ariel, on June 30, 2021 at 1:39 PM
  • SLY
    Master January 2022
    SLY ·
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    I've never experienced this, and it wouldn't bother me, but it makes sense that it would bug some people!

    We're writing our own vows. The beginning is kind of like a letter and incorporates subjects you talked about, but we have a short list of promises (vows) at the end.

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  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    It doesn’t bother me when people do this, but I will say that we wrote our own vows that were actually vows. I said two sentences about when we met and then when he met my daughter and the rest were a short list of promises, a few that were serious and a couple that were funny. It took each of us less than a minute to read ours and it was a nice way to include our own thoughts in the ceremony.
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  • L
    Lady ·
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    Yes, it drives me nuts!!!

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  • Lisa
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa ·
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    I have heard of this before, but I don't think I've ever personally witnessed it. It doesn't really bother me what other people choose to write in their vows, but I definitely can see how vows without promises could bother some people. My fiance and I are writing our own vows, and mine include a list of statements that begin with either "I promise to..." or "I vow to...", though they also have a few sentences mixed in that aren't really vows.
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  • H
    Master July 2019
    Hannah Online ·
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    I haven't really seen that, but it would make me cringe too. We wrote our own vows, and the beginning was about what I love about him for like 2 sentences and then it went into my vows.
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  • Yasmine
    Master October 2020
    Yasmine ·
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    I've seen it but it didn't/wouldn't bother me at all. I personally just wouldn't care that they are calling it vows but expressing their love for each other.

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  • Katie
    Expert August 2021
    Katie ·
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    Doesn't bother me. I actually like when the couple writes their own vows not vows. I think expressing your love for one another with a speech in front of a crowd is way better than just random vows you found off the internet. It makes it more special and unique to that couple.
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  • Colleen
    Savvy June 2021
    Colleen ·
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    My vows are about 1.5 minutes and end with a series of vows and promises. It doesn’t bother me or make me “cringe” if they don’t include a ton of actual vows. I actually enjoy hearing the little anecdotes and stories because it feels more personal. It makes me happy to hear. To me, people should express themselves and their love the way they choose and I’m not going to sit in the crowd judging them for it.
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  • Ava
    VIP May 2022
    Ava ·
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    Yeah, it didn’t bother me at all that they are expressing love to one another. It just seems more appropriate to say “The couple has some words they would like to share” (rather than labeling it their vows, when there are no vows made), then the couple can do the traditional vows after. When you get right down to it, taking vows in front of your friends, family and creator is the entire purpose of a wedding!
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  • Katie
    Expert August 2021
    Katie ·
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    Exactly this. I'm there in support of them however they chose to celebrate. I'm not going to judge them for writing a heartfelt speech instead using the same generic vows 90% of people use.
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  • Ava
    VIP May 2022
    Ava ·
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    I guess my point is… why call them vows then? They aren’t vows. They are just beautiful heartfelt sentiments. Which I am completely in support of including at a wedding! But if that’s what you’re doing, why not just say “the couple has prepared some words they would like to share” or something along those lines? Then the audience will not be expecting a couple to actually make vows to one another.
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  • Katie
    Expert August 2021
    Katie ·
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    Idk everyone is different I guess. I don't care what they call them vows or a heartfelt speech. I'm there in support not to pick apart every detail of their wedding.
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  • Ava
    VIP May 2022
    Ava ·
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    Nope, no judgment at all in how they express themselves or their love. I am all for it… bring on the cuteness & sappiness! My point is, why do they call them vows when no vows are being exchanged? Why don’t they just say “The couple has prepared some words they would like to share”? Then no one will be waiting for actual vows to be taken. When I hear “the couple has prepared their own vows” I am excited to see what personal vows they are making to one another. But then… there are none.
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  • Meghan
    Master October 2019
    Meghan ·
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    I agree. This is why we chose to write letters to one another before our first look. We wrote (and read) what each other had to say and it was very special. Then we went with more traditional vows.

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  • Yasmine
    Master October 2020
    Yasmine ·
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    For me I just personally wouldn't care whether it was called vows or something else, but that's just me. I just don't understand why that wording matters. If I went to a wedding and that was said but they just had beautiful heartfelt sentiments, I wouldn't judge or have a problem with it. And I could also say that none of my guests would care either or be "waiting" for the traditional vows.

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  • Ava
    VIP May 2022
    Ava ·
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    I guess I take the entire process seriously. Saying you are about to do something, then not doing it, leaves me completely confused. Like if they say they are about to exchange rings, I expect them to place rings on each other‘s fingers… not change their shoes. Or if they say you may kiss your bride, I expect the couple to kiss… not give each other flowers. It’s just odd to me is all. I am also a huge language buff, so maybe that plays into it 🤷🏼‍♀️ (I can’t stand when people use words improperly)
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  • Yasmine
    Master October 2020
    Yasmine ·
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    I agree with you, I could care less what they are called.

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  • Ava
    VIP May 2022
    Ava ·
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    I guess I am just very traditional in that the purpose of a wedding is to take vows in front of God and your family. If vows are not taken, it’s like you have deleted the most important part of the entire ceremony.
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  • Yasmine
    Master October 2020
    Yasmine ·
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    Yeah maybe its because you are traditional where I don't care to follow "tradition" of a wedding. I wouldn't say you "deleted the most important part of the entire ceremony". For me watching the couple get married is the most important not the vows. But everyone is different and has different opinions on things! That's what makes everyone unique, I just wouldn't judge anyone for that.

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  • Ava
    VIP May 2022
    Ava ·
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    I guess my point is it isn’t just a matter of wording. It is the actual description of what you are doing. That is like calling your shoes bunnies LOL The words do not mean the same thing and are not interchangeable. And taking vows is the one of the main purposes of a wedding ceremony
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