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VIP May 2022

Confused about personal “vows”

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Ava, on June 23, 2021 at 9:34 AM

Has anyone else noticed that when couples say they wrote their own vows…. they aren’t actually vows? I’ve been noticing this at every wedding I have attended recently, as well as most of the weddings on reality TV wedding shows. Vows are a list of promises you are making to one another. (Hence, in traditional vows you “vow” to love and to cherish… till death do you part.. etc etc). But now whenever I see ceremonies where couples have written their own “vows”, they are really just speeches. They tell how they met their spouse, how much they love them, share funny little anecdotes, etc. That’s cute and all… but those aren’t VOWS. Does this bother anyone else, or is it just
me? LOL I cringe inside every time I hear “The couple has chosen to write their own vows”… followed by vow-less speeches. It’s like a teacher asking you to go to the chalk board and solve a problem, but instead you stand at the front of the class and tell everyone why math is your favorite subject. That’s great and all, but you didn’t solve the problem LOL

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74 Comments

VIP May 2022
Ava · on June 23, 2021 at 10:55 AM
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That’s awesome! Whenever I hear a couple has prepared their own vows, I am always excited to hear them! I love hearing what is important to the couple and what they are building the foundation of their marriage on. And beautiful (non-vow) sentiments leading up to those vows are always a sweet touch
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VIP May 2022
Ava · on June 23, 2021 at 10:56 AM
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I love that! I am all for personalized vows that actually represent the couple and their relationship
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Master October 2020
Yasmine · on June 23, 2021 at 10:57 AM
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To each it's own lol
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VIP May 2022
Ava · on June 23, 2021 at 10:58 AM
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See, yours are actually VOWS lol
I adore personalized vows- as long as they actually include them! 😆 And the non-vow sentiments leading up to them are super sweet too
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VIP May 2022
Ava · on June 23, 2021 at 10:59 AM
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THANK YOU!! I knew I couldn’t be the only one!! 😆
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VIP May 2022
Ava · on June 23, 2021 at 11:00 AM
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Thank you!! I think a lot of people missed the point on this post- it wasn’t to complain or “judge” people for speaking from their hearts during their ceremonies, it was just pointing out that a lot of people say they wrote their own vows.. but then forget the part where they actually write VOWS lol
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Master January 2022
SLY · on June 23, 2021 at 11:02 AM
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Thank you! While I've never been to a wedding where the couple calls them 'vows' and doesn't have actual vows, I understand why that would bug you! Some people are big about grammar and using words correctly, so I see your side!
I've never been a fan of traditional vows, so I told FH that writing our own was a must for me lol.
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VIP May 2022
Ava · on June 23, 2021 at 11:03 AM
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I think we are doing this also! I love the idea of getting to communicate those sweet sentiments to one another in a private moment, then taking vows during our ceremony. I have no problems with couples wanting to express themselves during their ceremonies, but for us I think it would be much more special to keep that moment private
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Master October 2019
Meghan · on June 23, 2021 at 11:05 AM
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Exactly. Have those personal, private moments on your wedding day are so special. Especially because the rest of the day it's all eyes on you! We did have our videographers and photographers capture our letter readings, and they are so sweet to watch back!
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VIP May 2022
Ava · on June 23, 2021 at 11:07 AM
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Haha! Thank you for understanding! And I am with you on incorporating personal vows! We are going to take the “traditional” vows because I love the idea of taking the same vows as our parents and grandparents, all of whom are still married. But we are going to tweak it a bit to make it more reflective of us as a couple by omitting the “obey” thing and incorporating some of our own in there as well.
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Master January 2022
SLY · on June 23, 2021 at 11:09 AM
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You're welcome! I think other posters on here were misunderstanding the message of your original post! I like your reasoning behind sticking with traditional vows! Super sentimental and heartfelt!
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VIP May 2022
Ava · on June 23, 2021 at 11:15 AM
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That’s a great idea to capture that on video! Of course you can always read them again, but there is something magical about hearing them being read! Did you read each other‘s letters out loud, or did you each read your own before exchanging them? I kind of like the idea of hearing my fiancé’s voice reading his letter 💕
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Expert August 2021
Katie · on June 23, 2021 at 11:18 AM
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I agree I'm non traditional as well. I love going to a wedding that is non traditional and not so uniform. When everyone follows the same unoriginal traditions that's been played out for centuries it kind of makes everything boring. I love seeing everyones own personal touch they add to their wedding.
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VIP May 2022
Ava · on June 23, 2021 at 11:20 AM
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I have to agree. Although traditional weddings don’t bother me, I do enjoy nontraditional ones better. Our wedding will be about 80% non-traditional
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Expert August 2021
Katie · on June 23, 2021 at 11:24 AM
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Traditional weddings don't bother me either
Like I went to both my cousins weddings and they were very traditional to a t and very uniform. Their weddings where beautiful and I was happy to witness them get married but at the same time it was just the same old song and dance.
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Master October 2020
Yasmine · on June 23, 2021 at 11:35 AM
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Yes, it makes it that much more unique (which I would rather see)
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Master July 2018
Mcskipper · on June 23, 2021 at 11:41 AM
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Haha yes and the other thing that makes me cringe is when one partner has a long thing and formal proper vows and the other just gets up and says something short and stupid or something totally going for humor and laughs or just completely out of touch with what the first person said . Hahah that’s a lot of why I said nooo thank you to personal vows 🤣
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Expert June 2021
Alexis · on June 23, 2021 at 11:53 AM
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This is why we chose not to write our own vows lol... It doesn't bother me when other people do that, actually kudos to them, but every "personal vows" experience I had witnessed was basically a huge love letter with promises/vows tacked on, so that's what I felt pressured to do, and I couldn't see myself giving that kind of from-the-heart, emotionally vulnerable speech in front of people. I love that other people are able to do that, but it's just not my personal cup of tea.
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Master January 2019
Cassidy · on June 23, 2021 at 12:15 PM
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I feel completely the same! We did traditional repeat after me vows. I still cried and got emotional too.
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Devoted September 2021
Thinn · on June 23, 2021 at 12:52 PM
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That’s a really good point. I have half my vows written and there is a section that specifically state “I promise to” or “I vow to”
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