Confused by lack of consistency in wedding etiquette

View Quoted Comment Good for you!! I completely agree... why should extenuating circumstances dictate what you can & can’t do for your wedding?! Obviously your family wants to support & celebrate you, and want to be involved during this exciting time in your life. I think we all need to stop being so worried about antiquated etiquette rules and start doing what is right for us and our friends/families/circumstances. Enjoy your bridal shower!

View Quoted Comment Exactly!!!

View Quoted Comment I agree! Times have changed and a lot of these “rules” are super antiquated. I absolutely agree with the intention behind them - to be considerate of your guests and show them a good time - but everyone’s situations are unique and I think we need to focus on what works for our specific events and guests.

THIS. Just be a good person with good intentions, and try to put yourself in your guests' shoes a bit when making some decisions - ex: maybe you still want a booze free wedding because it's important to you as a person, but you might communicate that out if you know your crowd will have "certain expectations" and you'd rather not explain every 5 minutes.

Honestly, I've found that people that are worth being around are pretty flexible and forgiving about most things. Congrats and good luck!

It's funny that I am seeing this rant as I have completely thought that some of these rules are just basically expectations of other people. There are some things where I'm just for going to rules and if it's bad etiquette it is what it is. For example my fiance and I are eloping locally and we are talking about having a post elopement party down the line we can invite some family and friends. Sorry to be pretentious but I've always wanted a bridal shower so I decided to have one but instead of a shower because I'm not going to do a registry and I don't need gifts, my maid of honor and I planned yesterday just to have a celebration where people that have told me that they wanted to celebrate my upcoming day can come and just have brunch. I will state that no gifts are necessary. But then my other friend that was at the brunch with us was saying but people going to still bring you gifts and technically it's poor etiquette to do that however in the same breath she also stated that for her wedding she invited some people to the ceremony but not the reception and I'm thinking while according to Etiquette that's bad etiquette. Hahaha. In regard to the invitations I feel like some people will put two and two together if they don't see their kids invited but some people don't and I have seen Brides on here put just two guests names and the people still try to sneak in their kids so I agree with you it is best to be very transparent and say this is an adult only reception that way there's no confusion. I don't think that's bad a tacit to ask someone to keep their kids at home for one night. And in regards to the open bar listen have a dry wedding or have a cash bar do what you want because it's easy for people to say what you should do with your own money because they consider it bad etiquette. I'm just of the mentality that if you are invited to a wedding you are there to celebrate the union of people not get tips off of their dime. I've been to dry weddings, I've been to cash bar weddings and I've been to open bar weddings and you know what I had a good time regardless. Sometimes I feel that a kid can take precedence but I feel a lot of etiquette rules just come down to what people prefer. You need to do what makes you and your fiance happy and as long as you're not fully disrespecting someone in their face I think you're fine.

View Quoted Comment Yes girl 👏🏼Like obviously we are all considerate enough to take care of our guests but some of those old school etiquettes I’m like no thanks lol

View Quoted Comment Aw thank you! ❤️

I agree! So many rules that make no sense.

View Quoted Comment Yes!! Exactly!!

I threw out some of the etiquette too myself aha not all of these rules apply to everyone’s circumstance

View Quoted Comment I agree, I think reality tv, social media, and the wedding industry money machine has greatly influenced wedding etiquette. I also believe the etiquette rules not influenced by these things can be quite dated and not really work for the hugely varied weddings of today. Moving forward, I plan to use common sense (be considerate of guests and wedding party, make sure they are taken care of and shown a great time - and the rest is up to our discretion for our own personal events & circumstances

View Quoted Comment
Yaaassss!!!

View Quoted Comment Yes, exactly!!

View Quoted Comment

This! I’m an older bride and half the stuff I see is for wedding industry to jack up prices, make people think that have to do certain things. It’s the Starbucks affect -we put a tip jar out so you can give us money for doing our job. (I do tip but I don’t tip the grocery store clerk or the drive through lady at Wendy’s so why for you to get me overpriced coffee?) Some of it isn’t etiquette or rules. I personally would never tell someone how they must wear their hair or makeup. You knew the person before you asked and if. You thought they wouldn’t look perfect in pictures, then don’t ask them. My coworker told me the bride told him to cut his hair before the wedding that he was a groomsman. It’s a wedding. Settle down y’all.

View Quoted Comment Omg this is so funny... I literally just thought the same thing about Starbucks just 3 days ago! I ordered on the mobile app, and the tip screen pops up afterwards. I was getting ready to tip (as I always do) and thought to myself, why??? Starbucks pays its employees really well, and also provides all of them with benefits. I ordered my drink on an app, then come in and picked it up. Why on earth am I tipping you? There was zero customer service involved. Lol I honestly do not know how insane tipping procedures have become a standard with weddings. These vendors are all choosing a price to charge that they feel is a fair price to receive for the service they are providing. And let’s face it, the prices for wedding vendors are NOT cheap! I’m not trying to insinuate that no one should ever tip their vendors, but I just don’t think it should be a set standard that is expected. It should be a happy bonus.

Tbh modern wedding etiquette usually revolves around "let's not treat our friends and family poorly because we have a ring on our finger." Everything else is just Miss Manners ish.

I feel like a lot of etiquette rules lately have been made up to suit various peoples narratives and isnt really etiquette at all. Some of it is just people being bossy. lol Etiquette is meant to be a guideline so everyone is on the same page.


The invitations for example. If everyone was on the same etiquette page they'd know the invitation conveys a lot of info without actually saying it. The formality or informality dictates the style of the wedding and you would know how to dress without having to ask. If they're addressed to Mr. and Mrs. xxxxx that implies children aren't invited so you wouldn't have to say "no kids". "....and family " states the kids are welcomed. I'd always tip at the end of the night, after service is provided.
At the end of the day do what you feel is right. And most of all enjoy your day and all the festivities leading up to it.

Girl yasss. Some of these rules it’s like who tf decided it was perfectly normal to not make sense? 😭

All These Silly Rules Don't Apply For Me. If My Bridesmaids Want To Get
Their Hair And Makeup Done That's Fine, It's Their Choice But They're
Paying. I Chose Their Dress Color And Theyre Paying. We Have An open
Wine & Beer Bar Because Me And My SO Like To Drink. We Are Doing
Things For Ourselves Not Everyone Else. Considering We're Paying For Our
Own Wedding. I'd Prefer For No Children But I Understand Not Everyone
Has A Sitter. Your Wedding Is What You Make Of It In My Opinion. We Make
Our Own Rules And if Other People Don't Like It That's Their Issue,

ABSOLUTELY. Which is why you do WHATEVER YOU WANT. You will never make everyone happy, and for some reason people think weddings are a good excuse to critique every detail? Make yourself happy, you hopefully only get one wedding day.