Confused by lack of consistency in wedding etiquette

I never knew all these rules existed until I got engaged and logged on here... it's insane! I have a friend who's been a bridesmaid to some wacko brides who expected (what I consider) way too much from her, but it looks like a lot of brides are that way?! We're just doing what we want. We've opted for a small (50 person) destination wedding, using e-vites which in itself has caused plenty of controversy... I'm also very good at saying "No, we're not doing that" - which has been very helpful. My mom's friends (who aren't invited to the wedding) are throwing my shower, because they wanted to! I'm very much in the boat of YOU DO YOU.

All the rules are wild! I am having a simple casual wedding that I want to feel like a huge family BBQ. We are using paper plates and red solo cups. We are doing a serve your self beer and wine bar and encouraging guest to byob if they want hard alcohol. My bridesmaid dresses are $30 on amazon (my bridesmaids will be paying for their own dress and the voted for their favorite dress). We all will do our own hair and makeup. We are having the BBQ meat catered but the sides are going to be potluck style! If a wedding etiquette fairy came to my wedding it would probably have a heart attack! But we know our crowd and don't care what people think.

Generally speaking, wedding etiquette is totally arbitrary and ridiculous. I've been taking what I agree with and leaving what I don't.

As far as no kids weddings, we are having one ourselves. Personally, we did not put it on the invites (though I wouldn't think anything of it if someone did that), but we did specify it on our wedding site and verbally made sure that was clear to any of our guests who have kids.

On photographers, I believe the tipping is only considered standard when the one working your wedding isn't an owner/photographer, or they have a non-owner assistant with them. In our case, we're working with a husband/wife who own their own company and paying them QUITE well, so I doubt I will tip.

Dresses can depend. All I picked was a color for mine. They all picked their own dresses according to their own style/preference/comfort level, so they all paid for their dresses. I'm providing them with a hair comb and looking at maybe giving them all jewelry to wear optionally, along with nice robes and insulated champagne flutes I got for all of them.

Girl, you are completely right! Some of these things I never gave too much thought to because society just says they should be a certain way so I go with it. But you make so much sense! It's insane and ridiculous. I am with you for sure, these things do seem arbitrary and should be done much differently.

I agree with all of that! I didn't use etiquette for anything yet except putting on the invitation who is invited ONLY. I want it to be a memorable thing not something that gets lost in all the other weddings everyone has been to in the history of whenever. I didn't want bright glaring white like usual weddings. I wanted lace and ivory. I didn't want chicken or fish. I want Caribbean food. Memorable! Not same old same old! Honestly, I'm a go against the grain type of girl anyway so none of this "coloring within the lines" fit me.