Contribution Problems

Parents are under zero obligation to pay a penny towards your wedding. In the current generation, there is a common belief that if you are old enough to get married, you are old enough to figure out how to pay for the wedding yourselves without parental monetary assistance. In generations past, parents paid for everything but they don’t anymore. Plus when someone else who is not the bride or groom pays even a penny, they get final say in every aspect. Parents already had their weddings, usually planned and paid for by their parents or another benefactor and the couples just showed up without any input or final say in decisions. Current method of the couple paying for the entire wedding themselves eliminates that and the resentment that goes along with it, when parents take on deciding other things for the couple that are not their business after the wedding.


The way to remedy this is give the money back and plan a wedding that you can afford without assistance, even if that means cake and coffee or pizza in the park.

The aggrieved people should remember that a gift is a gift. It should not affect one person or couple if another person or couple does not end up helping as a gift. Hopefully the giftgivers can be happy that you have benefitted. Hopefully peace can be preserved. It is nicer if the parents on both sides get along well -- even if the help being given was lopsided.

Like Michelle said, you can reduce spending as much as possible if needed to make this work for the actual event.

A wedding is ultimately your own responsibility. It is not your in laws obligation to contribute anything, or your parents’ either for that matter. But if they voluntarily offered a specific amount FI should approach his parents to ask if that offer is still on the table and to clarify their intentions so that you can plan. If they are vague on timing then you have to assume it’s not happening. From what it sounds like I wouldn’t count on it.

If your future inlaws have not volunteered on their own to work, set up or DIY, it is rude and wrong for your parents to sit in judgment and put any pressure on you or his family. Those things are your job or a vendor's

No-one is obligated to pay for your wedding, which is why we always say pay for the wedding you can afford.

If you were running your own wedding instead of your parents, you would have had control over your own budget, eliminated shaky and empty promises, and stopped your family from disparaging his family. No one owes you anything-- not their DIY time, not a shower, not a wedding. Your partner's family probably offered the keg as old tradition states the groom's family provide refreshments. If Bud Light is not your preference, thank them kindly and either suggest a substitution or instead buy refreshments yourself. And if his family insists simply because they're willing to paying for it, refuse as you would any gift not appropriate. Then, plan the wedding you can afford even if it's more casual like Michelle says.