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Just Said Yes October 2022

Controlling mother

Juliana, on November 12, 2021 at 1:21 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 1 12

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Hi everyone, just wondering if anyone else has been through a similar situation.. my mom has insisted to pay for the venue for my wedding so I’m letting her. I am paying for all other vendors decor ceremony etc. I understand she wants to give her opinions about things but she makes it seem like everything has to be done her way and disagrees with me on many things. She is older and wants everything done based on tradition and wants to be involved in everything. My fiancé and I really would like to plan most things ourselves. I feel guilty because she is paying for half the wedding basically but at the same time it is my wedding. She is really ruining the wedding planning experience for me and makes me want to cancel the whole thing and just elope somewhere. Any advice..

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Latest activity by Samantha, on November 15, 2021 at 8:31 AM

Super July 2020
Cool · on November 12, 2021 at 1:32 PM
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The advice you’re going to consistently receive is to decline her money and plan the wedding you and FH can afford. Her money comes with lots of strings - cut them.
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Just Said Yes October 2022
Juliana · on November 12, 2021 at 1:38 PM
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That is true, but when we originally talked she told me she would let me plan things my way. Now she has already put the nonrefundable deposit down on this venue and is not keeping her word.
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Rockstar December 2022
Michelle · on November 12, 2021 at 1:50 PM
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Agree with this. Set and maintain boundaries and decline the money. Limit conversations and don’t discuss anything with her. If she is not willing to let you and fiancé do what you want, that is her issue to deal with. You focus on you and your relationship with fiancé. Plan the wedding you want, not hers. Unfortunately some parents are super controlling like that and don’t take no for answer. There’s really nothing you can do in those cases except focus own relationship with fiancé and don’t give parents the attention they want.
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Super July 2020
Cool · on November 12, 2021 at 2:34 PM
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Is her name on the contract or yours? If it’s yours, I would see what you can do to cancel with the venue and/or pay your mom the deposit back. If it’s her name, tell her that due to her not keeping her word you won’t be using her help or the venue. She can deal with it.
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VIP August 2021
Michelle · on November 12, 2021 at 2:43 PM
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Some venues allow you to reschedule for another date with another event, as long as you use the space. Your Mom can throw herself a party.
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Super November 2021
Heather · on November 12, 2021 at 4:14 PM
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Some parents definitely like to control or have some say in weddings that they are a part of (especially if they are paying), but at the end of the day you have to also stand your ground because it is mainly about YOU. For me, I allowed my parents to pay for hair and makeup while my husband and I took care of everything else. With that being said they they had one request that caused quite a stir, but we came up with a compromise that worked out. So, rule of thumb that I stood by was "unless you are gonna pay, then you don't have a say." If you feel like it's too much I would reject the money or come up with the compromise. Good luck hun!
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Rockstar November 2054
Jacks · on November 12, 2021 at 4:36 PM
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Yep, money comes with strings. If you're early in the planning and this is a real issue for you I'd cancel the venue and have the wedding you can afford. Then you'll be in control.
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VIP April 2022
CountryBride · on November 13, 2021 at 8:16 AM
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If you don't want the control I would kindly ask that your mom doesn't pay for the wedding and repay her for the deposit, this is why we didn't accept or ask for any money for our wedding, we wanted our wedding the way we wanted it.
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Master July 2021
Rebelle Fleur · on November 13, 2021 at 10:01 AM
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I would tell her how I feel and then give her back her money. This is YOUR day. It should be exactly how you want it to be. You will be miserable in your day and throughout your engagement if you let this continue.
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Dedicated May 2022
Kate · on November 13, 2021 at 12:54 PM
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I know a lot of people say decline her money, but I say just have a talk with her or ignore her wishes and do what you want, she’ll relent. My mom can totally be the type who takes over and I remind her, it’s my wedding not hers all the time. My best friend’s mom is also very similar and she ignored half the things her mom told her to do and her mom and dad still paid half.

I think mom’s know, but they try to see what they can get away with. Also most wedding vendors are used to moms being this way and they will always ask for your approval.
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Dedicated December 2021
Jaclyn · on November 13, 2021 at 9:40 PM
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I am in a similar situation to yours. My mom BEGGED and guilted me to have a wedding and offered to help pay for some of it. I declined at first but I finally caved and I made her PROMISE me she could help and give her opinions but she would have to remember it was my wedding and ultimately my fiance and I would have the final say in things and I didn't want her to throw anything in my face about money,etc. I wasn't going to ask her to help financially and I didn't want her to. But of course as things progressed she has been rude about some things and instead of my mom helping me cope with the stress of planning a wedding she is causing the stress. I really don't have any advice for you, but I just wanted you to know I relate to you. But I guess the only advice I can say is in the future when you plan on finding a house, buying furniture, plan to have a baby, etc and she offers to help again remember how she was during your engagement/wedding and DON'T let her. lol after going through this experience with her I never want her to "help" me again.
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Super May 2022
Samantha · on November 15, 2021 at 8:31 AM
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I agree with this. Turning her money away will probably create wayyy more drama than just telling her you're doing it your way, or just doing it your way without saying anything to her.
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