Controversy over eloping

I don't honestly know. If your still doing a reception then I don't see why you can't have a registry and so on. Because some people do private ceremony or city hall plus have a registry for their reception. Honestly it is up to you. Congrats.

I think I’ve seen some of the posts she means. I remember getting the impression somewhere that some people feel like gifts are only meant for the couple to start their brand new life together and for some reason that all goes out the window if the couple is already legally married. The rule just seems silly and pointless to me. As long as you are hosting a real reception with food and alcohol, I personally don’t see a problem with registering for gifts.

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1. Maybe I misread, totally a possibility, but one of the posts I was reading said you shouldn't register or accept gifts if you eloped and then threw a party.

2. It was a live stream and our family felt included, instead of eloping privately with no option for them to see our "first look", vows, or first kiss. I'm confused about the second part of this bullet in your response.

3. I came to a public forum looking for people's opinions on registering and accepting gifts 6 months after the ceremony. I was just curious about other people's opinions. I put the disclaimer at the bottom of my post purely because my husband and I are going to do whatever we want regardless of how this post goes, but I have seen some pretty nasty comments about the choices people have made in these forums.

I think having a reception is fine but I wouldn’t register. Gifts from registeries are given at showers and cash is given at the wedding/reception where I live.

View Quoted Comment My comments were meant to be referring to OP’s type of situation where the couple eloped or had a DW and then will have a reception within a fairly short period of time of when they got married. I thought I saw some posts where some people were saying it’s not okay to register for gifts in a situation like that, but maybe I was confused. Yes, it super weird to pretend like you aren’t married when you really are. I guess maybe about a year after getting married would be a reasonable period of time to have a reception and still register, after that might be pretty weird.

Perhaps I hold the unpopular opinion, but in my belief the whole point of a wedding is the ceremony. The reception is just the big party to say thank you to your guests for attending the ceremony. If your guests did not have the opportunity to attend the ceremony, then I don't think the reception is that big a deal.

I would not be going out of my way to attend someone's celebration of marriage the same way I would for a wedding, and I might not bring a gift if I did go. Personally, I think those things are for actually being present for a couple celebrating that life milestone at that time. I would definitely feel that showers or other parties are beyond gift grabby and tacky at that point.

I don't really understand having a reception at a different time from the ceremony. To me, that's just having a pretty princess party. Others feel differently and that's OK. But I think if you want to celebrate with family and receive gifts and whatnot, that you should include them in the ceremony too. You chose not to, and that's OK, but you may have people who feel the same way I do.

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Pretending to be not be married feels crazy to me. I wanted to shout it from rooftops after our 19 day engagement. I also am not a fan of eloping then having a big all out wedding. We're skipping the ceremony part "vow renewal I guess", even though my husband's family wanted us to re-do it with a priest (we're not even religious), and just throwing a big party with our friends and family. I agree with J that I do think there's a time limit on how long after you elope, privately or not, to throw a party to celebrate.

@OG Gretchen said it all perfectly.

View Quoted Comment I think that really depends on where you live and your group of family/friends. I have never been to a bridal shower but have been to multiple weddings and given gifts at every single wedding I’ve been to. I didn’t even know it was a thing for people outside your family to give money instead of physical gifts at weddings until I joined weddingwire.

And to to respond to another PP, if I was close enough to someone to get an invite to their wedding, I would (and have) totally go to a reception only after an elopement. It’s a party to celebrate someone I love.

OP: I would register if you think it fits for your guests.

My FH and I are having a private ceremony and a big reception (about 150 guests) right after. We are doing any of the things people would usually do like register, attend my bridal shower, etc. We want our special moment to be more private, and celebrate with everyone right afterwards! We are so excited.

I wouldn’t register. You chose to elope which is fine. But with that comes some ‘consequences’ of not having family and friends present. I may bring a card of well wishes (no cash) but I didn’t get to see you marry. Why should I gift? I’m just here for a party you decided to host.

View Quoted Comment A shower but no one gets to see you marry? I’m assuming here as I’m simply curious.

Who gets invited to the shower then?

View Quoted Comment My Sister in law is hosting a shower of our close friends and family, and all those ladies will be at the reception.

I’m just glad I’m not friends or family with people who wouldn’t want to celebrate my milestone just because they didn’t see the vows. I made the decision to have a small destination wedding (not eloping exactly—immediate family and closest friends) and then a reception later for my extended family. This was due to many factors...partially because I found having the big party coupled with the wedding itself very stressful. I actually don’t like feeling like the center of attention among 100+ people. I also have a huge extended family, and FH doesn’t. It was going to be vastly unequal and he felt bad, and I felt strange—like it was going to be just about me and not about us. Then I also considered if I did a big wedding, it would be where I live, not where my extended family lives. Many of them have mobility issues or financial issues—so the idea of asking them to travel and spend lots of money, which they probably would, even if they couldn’t afford it. So, I cane up with a compromise. I’ll have a hometown reception...a dinner party really. I’m not making it like a full reception per se.

i know I’m not answering OP’s question exactly, but that was all a huge intro to say that I think it’s ok to register and accept gifts. I am not expecting gifts. But...I do keep getting questions on what I want. I shrug and say I don’t need anything...but they want to give something. And I understand that feeling for people I care about. I like giving gifts sometimes more than receiving.

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I guess that's exactly where this came from, as I didn't originally plan on registering, mainly because my hubby and I have lived together for 4 years and are pretty established. His mom keeps asking me for my address because his family is asking, so I would rather register for at least something so we aren't getting stuff that is just going to clutter our new house. Not that I wouldn't be grateful for anything anyone gave us, because it truly is the thought that count, I would just rather people didn't waste their money on things we already have.

Wow. I would totally go to a wedding reception for a good friend or family even if I didn't see the vows. I would want to celebrate their love and commitment for each other and I would completely respect their wishes to have a smaller, more intimate ceremony. I would also bring a gift.

I say do what you want. Especially if people are already asking for your address so they know where to ship gifts.

Do what’s best for you, screw what ppl say.

View Quoted Comment I couldn't agree more! What kinds of friends or family are going to just say "oh you wanted a private ceremony so we aren't going to be happy and celebrate with you"?! It's a sad life you live if this is how you think about your so called "loved ones". If family member and friends still want to get gifts for you guys then register. Some of us actually live lives and love those around us without all these stupid rules.

My fiancé & I are doing a similar wedding. We are having about 20 people come & its only going to be immediate family. Next year we are planning to do a big reception. I don’t think it is rude at all to do a registry. You included them with the wedding & you are including them with the reception also. Congratulations have fun planning your reception!

We are getting married privately only both of us and our witnesses will be present. We are having a reception later on (in a couple months) for people to join us to celebrate. We are not registering, we want no gifts; we don’t want people to stress what they shouldn’t or shouldn’t bring. Plus we already live together.