My younger sister (two years) got engaged over the weekend. We are very very close, and I want to make it known now - I am VERY happy for her.
Background: Her and her boyfriend dated for three years before getting engaged. The first two were long distance, and they have almost lived together for a year. My boyfriend and I have been dating for about two and a half, and have lived together for just shy of two years.
Here is where I am struggling. I’m a planner. I’ve had my venue, dress style, guest list, we have even gone so far to talk about songs. I’ve asked my sister a handful of times if they had talked about marriage, and I always got a “not really” type response. So, it seemed like we still had some time. She was completely surprised when he proposed. Had no clue it was coming - they hadn’t talked about it. She said ‘yes’, of course, but has never had one thought about planning a wedding. I was first taken back because her boyfriend didn’t tell me her was going to propose. When he asked our Dad for permission, he thought that my dad would tell me. Well, there was some miscommunication and I was the only one in the family who had NO idea my little sister was getting married. Someone I talk to Every. Single. Day. Naturally, I was initially hurt that he didn’t share the news with me prior to asking - my sister was upset her nails weren’t done, she didn’t have any make-up on - she was upset her boyfriend didn’t tell me prior to make sure I’d make sure those thing were discreetly done.
Here is the struggle: My boyfriend and I planned to get engaged this year - married next. He is four years older than me, and we have talked about starting a family in three years. He was also very blindsided and as I broke into tears one evening, he pulled me in and apologized for not proposing to me prior. I am not mad at him, I am not mad at anyone. I am struggling with A) I am the oldest, I have always assumed I would be first, B) I am a planner - I am upset with myself that I never once planned for my sister to get engaged before me,C) We were going to get engaged this year, and now I feel we should hold off.
Anyone been through this? Or have thoughts? Should we continue to go on with our life as planned? Should we hold off and wait a few years to get engaged?
Yes, my sister and I are close, and I will talk to her about it. Her and I have completely different excitement levels when talking about planning and marriage and this is a very new and exciting thing for her - I don’t want to make it even slightly about me.
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