Coping with a blindsided proposal?

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I'm not sure how your rant has anything to do with this thread or my comment, and frankly it's aggressive. My FH asked my mom beforehand as a courtesy, not actually seeking "permission" to ask me and I wanted her to know. He also told a couple of my girlfriends so they could help plan the proposal and so one of them could photograph it and i'm so glad he did. Everyone is different and your comment is way out of line here. And with my sister, she's going to want to make sure her nails are done so the pictures look good, so i'm sure her bf will either tell me or his sister so we can make that happen. Nothing wrong with that at all.

View Quoted Comment It is not meant to be aggressive. We simply have very different perspectives, I think.
This is my second marriage ( widowed). Poth times, to hat sudden realization, he wants to marry me as much as I want to be married to him, was emotionally very powerful. Such happiness. But when I think or all the emotional times in my life, from giving birth 3 times, to two proposals, to news my thesis was accepted, or that I got more scholarship money, or that I got a promotion, not once have I given a thought, then, before, or after, that I wished someone had warned me so I could do my nails, or fix my hair. Acting on stage, in a part, yes. In a formal ceremony, yes. But in emotional moments, like a proposal of marriage, it would never have occurred to me.
As for whether a proposal should be kept between the prospective bride and groom only, or the groom expected to share his intent before hand, that is exactly relevant to this thread OP apparently expected the groom to come to her before her sister. And expected him to check with or ask their father, and him to tell older sister. No thought that little sis should go to her boyfriend's family, first, very one sided. And asking Dad, not both parents But I am not the only one here who thinks that women have equal right and should be treated equally in all things. Or that a sign of adult hood and respect for a person is that you deal with them directly, first. You don't sneak around your beloved telling everyone else. You talk directly to him or her, and when and if the proposal is accepted, then share with parents. I see a boundary when a person comes of age, and takes on the responsibility of adult hood. From then on, they need no parental permission or blessing before they can make a decision. And parents do not get involved in lovers' or married people's decisions until the pair, together, have made a decision. And share the news or ask for opinions. Yet OP thinks she as big sister should have a say before the bride too. So she does not view little sis as being as adult as she is. I think OP has unreasonable expectations. And should realize that her own relationship with her boyfriend, and sister's with her FI, are completely separate, not in any way dependent on what the other does. Little sis is a grown woman, an equal to big sis, and her parents. Sis has to get used to sis and FI going to each other, not her, from here on. And be happy and do as she wants with her own relationship. Oldest, youngest, does not mean one is first or last in doing other things. 33 of 50 states, over 2/3 of the voters voted for women to have equal rights. That means there are a lot of people who share my view of a couple as equals. And a lot clearly have different views This is a public forum. People with legitimately different view post here. Sometimes they surprise each other. But my view is not so out of the mainstream. And I did not attack you, or OP. Just think differently. And if I talked to your friends and family, maybe I would meet a whole bunch of people who think about getting their hair and nails done before an emotional moment. But the idea is foreign to me. I cannot tell you what hubby or I were wearing the day we decided to get married. I cannot even tell you the date. Just that it was sometime while packing to move. We were likely both grubby. But if I could pin down the day we packed my grandmother's glasses, in my apartment, that would be the day. Because I dropped one when we kissed. That, I remember, and dancing round the kitchen leaving bloody footprints, never noticing I stepped on glass til later. Obviously, we are different. I don't have a problem with agreeing to disagree.

First off, you have a right to your feelings. However your relationship doesn't undermine their relationship or proposal. Your feelings of disappointment go deeper. Your sister and her fiancé are not the root or cause of your feelings.

It sounds to me that you're upset, perhaps a little jealous, that they may be getting married before you do.

Go feel what you need to feel, sad, angry and then come back. I suggest not taking it out on them as it is not their fault you feel this way.

I think you’re overreacting. You can still get engaged and married on your own timeline. And now, the closest person to you in the world will know exactly what you are dealing with while wedding planning! That’s fantastic. There’s only happiness here, don’t let your own assumptions and timelines ruin that.