Couple Friends - Only choosing (1) part of couple to be in wedding party

If I am interpreting this correctly, it sounds like you would LIKE for K to be in your wedding party, but don’t want to add another person for the sake of numbers. If that’s the case, I would just let the idea of numbers go and just ask whoever you truly want to include. If K is a close friend who you spend the most time with and who you have been sharing wedding planning details with, then I would ask her! You and FH’s sides don’t have to be even. And if you think having uneven sides will look odd to you, you could always have the wedding party sit in the front row instead of standing at the alter (or only the MOH and best man standing with you).

Absolutely not! If you're having doubts about adding to your side then go with your first instinct. There is nothing wrong with only having one of the friends in the wedding party and the other just attend as a guest.

First off, I'd *strongly* recommend against building your bridal party based off of A) who can be of logistical use to you (adding someone because you want to bounce ideas off of them) or B) because you want your wedding party to be even. Members of your wedding party are your nearest and dearest, and you should select them based on that.

Is there a friendship-based reason you're not keen on adding K to your bridal party? If you just aren't as personally close to her as your DH is to her fiancé, then it's more than okay to just invite her as a guest.

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I totally agree with A and B.

I would say I have simply been friends with my other friends longer. I definitely hang out with K more than any of my other friends and I talk to her more. That being said, I didn’t really start to thinking about considering her until my FH said he was thinking about asking J. I think because our friendship is still relatively new compared to all my other friends. We have been friends for 4 years now and hang out quite often, but we were just work friends for the first 2 years of our relationship. Whereas I have been friends with my MOH for 22 years, and my other potential bridesmaids 12 years, and almost 27 years (⬅️ these 2 are also really close to each other and 1 would definitely be upset if I asked the other and not her). I also felt like 6 was already a lot when we are only inviting 150 people. My other thought was to just have my sisters, future sister-in-law, and MOH, and avoid having to pick any of my other friends. But honestly they are all such great friends and I feel like I have been talking about this day with my childhood friends since we were literally children.

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Makes sense. I'd definitely say that if you hadn't thought to include her until your FH brought up including her fiancé, I'd lean towards not asking her.

You can take this with a huge grain of salt, as I have 9 people on my side of the wedding party, but 6 compared with 7 will probably be negligible. Though I definitely understand it's one more bridesmaid present to buy, too.

I definitely see your dilemma. I did what, I think, less brides are doing (and essentially the opposite of what I just advised 😂 I need to go to bed) and included all of my close friends. Definitely had to *really* budget ahead of time for the presents, but other than that, they're completely styling themselves, one took the reins on planning a bach, one took the bridal shower, and everything's been very smooth so far. I realize this is anecdotal experience, though. In doing so, I've definitely eliminated any sense of hierarchy in friendships (little sister is my MOH) as my party are essentially all the people I talk to every week, checked in with during the throes of the pandemic, etc. As far as I know, there were zero hurt feelings by my friends invited to the wedding, but not in the party. It *could* be a good option to have a bigger wedding party in that way, but definitely don't feel obligated to include her simply because her FH is a groomsman.

If you don’t ask K you might deeply regret it. It seems to me that you really want to include her because she is a close friend now to you, and that’s ok if it’s newer. I regret so much not inviting my (now) best friend from work, Amanda, to be a bridesmaid but when my husband and I got engaged, Amanda and I had only been working together for like 4 months and although we were already great friends, I didn’t know how it would pan out. Fast forward to 2 years later after 3 covid postponements and I wish I had included her! You just need to ask yourself the question if you really want her to be in your wedding- and if you do, don’t worry about numbers being uneven! That’s totally ok and many wedding parties are uneven anyways!

Here's my thoughts you don't have to have someone be in the wedding just because their significant other is in the wedding regardless of who knew who first. Asking people to be a bridesmaid also isn't tic for tac. Just because someone wants you in their wedding doesn't mean you are obligated to have them in yours. Also if you don't want her in the wedding simply because of your side would be bigger than his side, that doesn't matter you can have uneven sides, and people have found creative ways to make the photos look cool with uneven sides. There's a few post on here that talk about all the ways to photograph uneven sides.

Are you trying to match numbers of bridesmaids and groomsmen? Why not just ask K to be a bridesmaid in addition to your sisters and childhood friends? You do not have to have even numbers.

You do not have to ask a friend to be in your bridal party just because their SO is in your groomsmen party, but it sounds as if including K might actually be a really nice thing for you for all the other reasons you mentioned.

I ended up asking my childhood best friend (who lives where we grew up, about four hours away) to be my MOH and only bridesmaid. We've been friends for 20+ years and talk on the phone several times a week, but she doesn't know any of my other friends and has only come to visit me where I live once prior to our engagement, so wasn't able to offer much help with planning or coordinating my girlfriends for any pre-wedding celebrations (I never had a shower or bachelorette). We ended up canceling and eloping due to Covid, delaying our wedding celebration by a full year, and now my MOH isn't coming because she got pregnant, and the baby is due the same week. I ended up going dress shopping with the wife of one of our groomsmen (who lives in town), and two of my girlfriends (who live in town) are going to help me with my emergency kit, some decor things, and my hair. Those girls are going to get ready with me along with a friend who is traveling solo for our wedding, and the four of us are doing flowers the morning of the wedding along with my mom. Having someone I was close to who lived in close physical proximity to me involved with my wedding from the early stages would have been so helpful. But its also very possible to have people involved without the title, pressure, or obligation of being bridesmaids, and some friends may be a lot more comfortable in that role.

Everyone approaches wedding parties differently. I knew my childhood best friend was going to be my MOH, and I asked her immediately after we got engaged. My husband chose four friends to be his groomsmen, two friends he met when he first moved to the area but we don't hang out with them very often even though they live right in town, and two of his high school buddies that he literally hasn't seen or talked to in years. We have friends who are his coworkers that we hang out with regularly, who we go on vacation with, who watch our dog when we go on vacation, etc and they weren't on his radar at all. His logic was "I see them all the time, but if I ask my old friends it would give me a chance to reconnect with them" which is not how I would have approached that situation but to each his own. (He did also mention recently that thought it would be best to keep his groomsmen and work relationships separate in case they got into a disagreement/argument at work, which does actually make a lot more sense.)

If including K doesn't feel right to you, don't do it. But don't eliminate her from the equation just because you haven't been friends long enough or your wedding parties wouldn't be even if you included her. All friendships start at different times, and if you discounted anyone you met during your adult life as being a "close friend" just because you didn't have sleepovers when you were in elementary school then you are doing yourself a disservice.

If choose not to include her, she can still be involved in your wedding or you two can still chat wedding planning congruently. Keep in mind the criteria she is using to select bridesmaids may be different than what you are deciding, so if you think there is a chance she would be hurt by you not asking her, then its probably worth a conversation about it. She will probably understand if you want to keep numbers small and are using your wedding as a chance to spend quality time with people who have been there for you since childhood.