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Steph N.
Super October 2018

Couples who have been together a long time - is married life any different?

Steph N., on January 31, 2018 at 9:07 PM Posted in Community Conversations 0 23
FH and I will be celebrating 11 years together in March. We’ve lived together for 9 years. We share a checking account, we have several things in both our names, he’s on my insurance through my job. We’re in our mid 30s.

Other couples like us - did anything feel different once you got married? Even something small and silly?

I love our life, but I’m kind of hoping SOMETHING feels different post-wedding.

23 Comments

Latest activity by M.Hand, on February 1, 2018 at 2:40 PM
  • FutureMrsM
    Dedicated October 2018
    FutureMrsM ·
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    Not married yet but I've had multiple married friends tell me that since we've already been living together for a few years, married life will feel absolutely no different than our current life. I love our life and am glad we won't have to deal with the stress and growing pains that some other couples face when they go from dating/living apart to married and living together in one day. I hope we have some kind of "honeymoon glow" for a while after though!

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  • AshleyR
    Master January 2021
    AshleyR ·
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    When we got married H and I already owned a home for almost 6 years, had already combined finances, shared insurance, pets, etc. There is absolutely no difference in our feelings or lives whatsoever. I mean, the first few days after the wedding were warm and fuzzy because we were reminiscing on a great party, and seeing family and friends, but yeah, that was it. From my experience some couples say there is a difference, but most say it's exactly the same. I can't even imagine what exactly would be different?

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  • Steph N.
    Super October 2018
    Steph N. ·
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    Maybe that’s what I’m hoping for, a “honeymoon glow”. I don’t expect anything in our daily life to be any different. I guess I was kind of wondering if emotionally any other couples feel a difference.
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  • J
    Just Said Yes August 2018
    Jennifer ·
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    I've been with my mate for 16yrs and we are getting married it's the same I would think that it would make it seem better just because we did it in God's eyes and his grace and that makes it married a whole life partner ship .
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  • Sarah
    Dedicated January 2018
    Sarah ·
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    Well, I’m the minority I guess, but yes it feels different. Do the day to day dynamics of your life change? Not necessarily. But my DH and I both felt different. Settled. Committed. Comforted. Happy. The newlywed feeling was and is legit for us.
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  • QueSeraSera
    VIP December 2017
    QueSeraSera ·
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    We were together for 9 years before he proposed, 10 years by our wedding, and we had been living together for 2.5 of those years by the wedding day.

    It does feel pretty much the same, except I changed my last name so that's been exciting. And it's also fun to say wife/husband, and wearing a wedding band.

    There's not much, but it's the little things.

    Plus if/when I get pregnant, we'll be doing it "the right way" in the eyes of our conservative families Smiley tongue

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  • AshleyR
    Master January 2021
    AshleyR ·
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    Emotionally different? No, not for us. We were equally as committed to and satisfied with our relationship before and after.

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  • M
    Super August 2018
    Marta ·
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    I’ve had the same thoughts, and I really hope this is how we will feel. We’ve been living together for a little over two years so not as long as others on this post. And we do split cost and bills but we haven’t combined our banks, or insurance. So I think little aspects like that wil change. Also just now hearing him call me his fiancé gives me butterflies and I just can’t wait to here him call me his wife and for me to refer him as my husband. We also have decided to start a family maybe a year after our marriage so that will definitely change things too.
    I would imagine day to day things won’t change but the sense of commitment and your bond will grow stronger.
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  • Kc&do
    Devoted August 2019
    Kc&do ·
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    I don't think it'll be different but I'll let you know. Looking forward to the Journey. my FH and I have been together 23 yrs we we wed it'll be 3 months before our 25th anniversary. I'm so excited to tie the know and it's funny he is to.

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  • 2
    Expert July 2018
    2ndtime1stwedding ·
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    I Don’t know your state laws, but in my state you would be legally married. Common law.
    You would have to legally file for divorce as well.
    Marriage ceremony, certificate or not. You’d be married.
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  • Married and Loving It!
    Super February 2018
    Married and Loving It! ·
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    My girlfriend and he now husband had been together for about 10 years before getting married (even longer if you count when they were in high school) and she says it feels different. She feels like his wife now and more romantic.
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  • MrsPreach2018
    Master August 2018
    MrsPreach2018 ·
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    We've been together 19 years, have kids, share finances and own a home. Don't think anything much will change. But, I'm hoping to have that "honeymoon glow", lol.
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  • M
    Devoted February 2018
    Melissa ·
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    Going on 10 years. I’m taking his name so that will be different. We have 2 kids who have his name. I know it will be different because I refer to him by name when talking to others but I will change that to husband and now my name will match my kids. I’m fiercely proud of my current name but there are so many reasons why I’m excited to take his.
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  • Steph N.
    Super October 2018
    Steph N. ·
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    Don’t get me wrong, we’re 100% committed to our relationship. I love him more than anything. Even when he leaves balled up socks all over the damn place. Smiley winking

    Maybe I’m not wording my question well.


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  • Alforev
    VIP August 2018
    Alforev ·
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    We’re also 11 years in March, but we are just now buying our first home together and closing later this month. Living together will be exciting for us, but I also don’t know that much will change after marriage. Does anything really have to change? I wouldn’t want anything different when we’re happy as we are. Marriage just makes things a little more official and special since I will have his last name.
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  • Shannon
    Expert October 2017
    Shannon ·
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    We already lived together before we got married and it really didn't feel and different. It's the little things that made it feel real. Like saying my husband instead of his name. Also after changing my name signing my new name even now just seeing my new last name on things like work emails etc make me think OMG I'm actually married now.
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  • Katie
    Super June 2019
    Katie ·
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    We've been together for almost 8 years, we've lived together for almost 2 years. We aren't married yet but I'm hoping it calms my anxiety. Right now I think about what if he gets in a bad accident and I'm not allowed to see him because I'm not technically family. What if there's an emergency and I need access to something that I can't get because we technically aren't married. I know these are extremes but you never know what could happen and anxiety doesn't make sense most of the time.
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  • plangalCG
    VIP May 2018
    plangalCG ·
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    My cousin was in your situation and she said though it sounds weird, she did feel different—better and even stronger.
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  • RZ_ToBe
    Master July 2018
    RZ_ToBe ·
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    Not quite yet married, but we've been together for 6 years, share a credit card account, lived together for 3 years, and we are in the process of looking for a house. We consider each other husband and wife anyway, so it should not be any different once we do get married. Just a name change, but otherwise it's all the same.
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  • firstoneat56
    Master August 2017
    firstoneat56 ·
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    My husband and I were together for 7 years and lived together for 5 1/2 years before getting married. When we got married last August, I was 56 and he was 61. It is my first marriage and his last (oops, second). We were best friends in college when we first met back way back in the stone age (1979) and he and his new girlfriend at the time (who became his wife, then ex-wife) moved to another state in 1982 and we lost touch. By an incredible twist of fate, we ended up reconnecting 28 years later through his ex-wife and we found out we were living 10 minutes away from each other for years and never knew it. My point is, we go back a long way.

    To answer your question, other than some financial adjustments, nothing has really changed, which is a good thing as we've always made big decisions together and have allowed for autonomy as well. He put me on the deed to his house long before we were married. I paid for a deck to be added to the house long before we were married. The only changes were in addition to our separate bank accounts, we opened a joint checking for household bills and a joint savings for vacations, home improvements and other fun, big ticket items (that incredibly large TV he wants) and my step son officially became my step son, although we've always had a great relationship. I kept my last name, he didn't care. Before we were married, we'd come home from work and eat dinner while watching Jeopardy and I'd fall asleep during Judge Judy. Now, we come home from work and eat dinner while watching Jeopardy and I fall asleep during Judge Judy. All is good and I wouldn't have it any other way.

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