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Gracey
Savvy September 2022

Courtesy invites for family? Cousin gets married 2 weeks after me.

Gracey, on August 13, 2021 at 9:52 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 8

My cousin gets married two weeks after me next year. I'm 9/17/22 and she's 10/1/22.

I don't exactly want my family at my wedding because of personal reasons but both my mom and sister are insisting I invite everyone as a "courtesy". More than half probably wouldn't come to my wedding anyways.

With that being said, when it comes time to send STD and invites, do I make a courtesy invite or just keep them the same as everyone else's invite?

8 Comments

Latest activity by Michelle, on August 13, 2021 at 2:12 PM
  • Yasmine
    Master October 2020
    Yasmine ·
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    I personally would just keep them the same across the board.

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  • B
    VIP July 2017
    Becky ·
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    Are your mom and sister paying? If not, then if you don't want them there, you don't need to send any kind of invitation. If you feel like you need to invite them, then just send them the same invitation everyone else gets and they'll either come or not as suits.

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  • Jasmine S.
    VIP May 2022
    Jasmine S. ·
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    I don't see how your cousin getting married 2 weeks later is relevant. Do you think people will decline your invite and go to hers instead? It sounds like you have your reasons so if these relatives are toxic or would cause you problems on the big day, I wouldn't invite them.
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  • Gracey
    Savvy September 2022
    Gracey ·
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    Unfortunately, that is exactly what would happen. They would choose to go to her wedding instead of going to both.

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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    If you don't want to invite them then don't. The only reason your mom or sister should get any say is if they are paying for the wedding. My husband's brother got married six weeks after us and our guest list was the same. He didn't invite any of their cousins and we invited the ones who were 18 and older. Just because you are both getting married doesn't mean your lists for family need to be identical. If you do decide to invite them, the same invitation should be sent to each guest.

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  • Stacey
    Super May 2021
    Stacey ·
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    If you don't want to invite them, I would pass entirely. It sounds like you could end up with some guests who you truly don't want there.

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  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
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    Only invite the people you actually want to attend (and can afford to host). Any one of these people could decide to surprise/disappoint you by showing up.

    Also, there's nothing courteous about an "invitation" that isn't actually an invitation, so if you do decide to invite them, send the same invitations to everyone.

    And lastly, you don't need to send save the dates to everyone. Save those for people you would never NOT invite no matter what happens between now and next September. If you have to change your guest list for any reason (and I think we have all seen so many reasons why this happens), then it's much easier to shrink your guest list if you haven't sent out save the dates to everyone.

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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Do not give courtesy invites to anyone. If your parents want to entertain these people, they have 51 other weeks available to do so. You decide who are your must have guests. Anyone who doesn’t make that list is someone you don’t want in attendance and they don’t get an invite period. Start putting your foot down before they dictate other parts of your life.
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