Covid-postponed wedding: not sending invites to people who got save the dates

It's going to be seen as extremely rude. The fact that someone didn't send a gift or attend a shower is NOT a reason to uninvite them. These people don't owe you. That said, if you haven't heard a word from them in 2+ years, they may have forgotten about your wedding and won't even notice if they didn't get an invite. It's a tough call.

If the original STD was for the October 2020 wedding, its fine if they are not invited to the 2021 wedding. we are in a similar boat. We are not inviting as many people to our wedding this year because we haven't spoken to them since before 2020.

To me, this is a new event. You sent them a STD for October 2020, that event never happened, so I think it's a clean slate as long as you haven't told them to save October XX, 2021. But if the only reason you are not inviting them is because they haven't "sent you money" (say what???), yeah, that's pretty jerky.

View Quoted Comment

No, no. We would NEVER do that just because we didn't get money from them. That's not my question. I've seen in other posts that people have asked similar questions, and the consensus was, "they definitely shouldn't be uninvited if they gave money, etc.," which I agree with 100%. But no, that's not the issue here. The issue is that we aren't in touch with these people anymore.

View Quoted Comment

I sent an explanation to another comment, but that's not at all what I was saying. We'd never uninvite people BECAUSE of that. That's not the issue here. The issue is that we aren't in touch with these people anymore.

View Quoted Comment

This is exactly the issue. Thank you. We don't want to be disrespectful by any means, and I hate the idea of not including everyone, but we're at a point where we kinda have to make some decisions to accommodate for people who we included, but were a 'no' up until recently.

I agree that if the original STD was for an event date that's passed, then you're good to not send another invite. Obviously if it was sent for this year's wedding it would be rude not to send them an invitation.

And I totally get what you're saying about them not giving you gifts, coming to showers, etc. It's not that you're uninviting them because of that, you're just assuring us that you're not uninviting people who have given you gifts and have come to pre-wedding events because that would also be rude to uninvite those people.

A lot of dynamics change in two years.

If you haven't had much contact, then I don't see why you need to invite them.

Under normal circumstances, yes, not inviting someone who received an STD would be very rude.

But 2020 was not normal, and 2021 isn't shaping up to be, either. Under normal circumstances, you would have been married last year.

If your choices are between important guests' SOs who were not originally in the picture and people who you have drifted apart from, then of course, you must make space for the SOs, and the most obvious choice is those from whom you have drifted.

I don't see a problem with it. Things change, especially in 2 years. If you haven't kept in contact with certain people then I don't think you are obligated to invite them. As mentioned above, this is 2 separate events. Do what you have to do!

I think its okay as long as you are okay with your relationship with these people to continue the slow fade. If I was your friend and you sent me a save the date in the past and live streamed me your micro ceremony. Then later I found out you had the full wedding/reception without me, I would be very hurt and would not want to continue our friendship. If I thought we had a strong relationship before this, I would probably just never contact you again and would unfriend you on social media etc... If our friendship was already fading, I would take this as a sign that you agree the friendship is over and just let you naturally fade out of my life slowly.

View Quoted Comment This. If you invited everyone to live stream your ceremony, I do think it would be a little rude not to invite them to the reception. It almost becomes like a tiered invite at that point, which is frowned upon.

Did you send change the dates/new save the dates to these people? Were they live streamed the ceremony? I think if you answer yes to these questions, then yes it's rude to exclude them now. If the answer is no to both, then I think it's fine.

Thank you all for your helpful input! We decided to keep the list as is. Especially with the CDC guidelines possibly changing to wanting vaccinated people to wear masks again, we anticipate a few additional family members to drop off. It should all be okay and we think it'll even out one way or another. Appreciate the advice!

View Quoted Comment

I think that's a good idea. I hope everything goes well! It's so uncertain right now about the changing Covid issue.