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Emily
Dedicated August 2021

covid Postponement #4... Stick with it or cancel?

Emily, on January 12, 2021 at 8:40 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 29
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I need some advice, from one COVID bride to others!

I am the truest definition of a COVID bride. Our original wedding was scheduled for March 22nd (the week COVID hit in the US). We had to postpone our wedding 5 days out. By then, our family had already begun flying in; in less than a week, I went from celebrating with my coworkers to postponing and in lockdown. It was a surreal experience, but I'm so glad we postponed because some of our family who had already flown out caught COVID on the plane. Talk about a close call!

All this to say, when COVID first hit, I wanted to cancel instead of postponing. I had a feeling COVID was going to extend longer than everyone thought and didn't want it hanging over our heads for a long time. Even more, I never really wanted a big (100 person) wedding to begin with. But, my FH and family thought it would be fine by August 2020 and my FH really wanted the big wedding. So I went along with it.

Cue August 2020, and we had to postpone again - this time to March 2021 (so a full year from our original date). About a month ago, we were forced to postpone again, this time to August 2021. We're located in LA County, where COVID is out of control, and given how nearly we had a COVID superspreader wedding back at the start of the pandemic, we aren't willing to risk anyone's health (weddings aren't even allowed right now, since we're in another lockdown).

My question is - how many postponements is too much? I still really, really want to cancel and just wait until COVID is all said and done. But at this point, I feel like I've lost all my leverage to do so, both with our vendors and my family. I know that there are far bigger problems in the world right now than weddings. But I know myself, and I know that if we were able to eventually do the wedding we initially planned some day (with COVID alterations, of course) I would just be extremely anxious and sad about everything that we had to change (buffet --> catered meal, not able to use the indoor part of the venue, missing friends and family that should be there, etc.). My FH and I are already married for all intents and purposes, so it's truly just a piece of paper for us. I would rather wait until everything is safe and do something different that doesn't have the anxiety of COVID attached to it.

Anyone else feel this way? Or do I just need to suck it up and accept that this is how it's going to be? Please be honest, I need help!

29 Comments

Latest activity by Zara, on March 28, 2021 at 4:00 PM
  • A
    Super December 2020
    Anais ·
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    This is really up to you and your fiancé, in regards to vendors they should be quite understanding especially if regulations make it impossible for you to have your wedding. I really truly hope that things get better in LA soon, but I’m not sure that most restrictions would be lifted by March, I think they’re going to play it extremely safe.
    I think your family will understand no matter what.
    It might be easier to cancel all your vendors, get that weight off your shoulder and tell yourself that you’ll organize a big party, maybe a 5 year bow renewal? We cut our guest list and got married last month and knew we didn’t want to have a big party later on because it would just be weighing on us and we had a feeling it wouldn’t be able to happen this year anyways.
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  • Katie
    VIP August 2020
    Katie ·
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    Hi Emily! I have said so many prayers for the “original” Covid brides (March 2020). I cannot even fathom the surreal and downright shocking news for you and fellow March 2020 brides and grooms! The rest of us had at least a few weeks or months notice. That is so crazy about your family too on the plane! Hope they are ok. Honestly, if you and your fiancé want to wait till this is all over and that is what brings you happiness, do so. I thought my road to the altar was tough, but I always had in the back of my mind the “originals”. Hope this helps ❤️
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  • A
    Expert September 2020
    Amanda ·
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    I think if you decide to postpone again, just go with 2022. I know it sucks but it’s suck more for august to come around and still have semi strict regulations. Good luck.
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  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring ·
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    It depends on what you want. I, personally, would just cancel and elope. I don't want to pay several thousands of dollars and me super limited on how to celebrate.
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  • Meghan
    Master October 2019
    Meghan ·
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    Personally, I think this is too many postponements. As a guest, I would probably decline any future dates provided knowing it likely won’t happen again. In your situation, I would just cancel. You and your fiancé can always elope or have a micro wedding now, and plan a big reception later on.

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  • A
    Expert September 2022
    Allie ·
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    What does your gut tell you to do? What will be best for y'all's mental health? Reading your post, I am getting the sense that the most logical thing in your situation is to cancel, wait until covid is no longer a concern, and host a celebration that doesn't have any covid considerations (like when covid is no longer a threat, you don't have to worry about risking people's health, and you also don't compare it to the originally-planned wedding). This would free you from the hamster wheel of postponements/always looking at the numbers/restrictions/vaccine rollout and wondering if the next date will pan out or not....and it will give you the freedom to re-imagine your celebration once we (collectively) are out of this mess. P.S. Your post is really sincere and thoughtful, and I wish you the best with whatever you decide! And P.P.S. I really hope your family members are ok from covid!

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  • Sexypoodle
    Master October 2021
    Sexypoodle ·
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    In response to one of the questions you posed..... Personally, I think that one postponement is enough and after that it just becomes too much, stringing along the guests and vendors. We postponed from October 2020 to October 2021. If this year doesn’t work, then we’ll just get married with the two of us and have a 1-year vow renewal celebration in 2022 with our guests. But two, three and four postponements is overboard and raises the question as to whether a couple is more focused on the party or on the truly important thing... the marriage.
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  • Jai
    VIP May 2020
    Jai ·
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    I wouldn't postpone again. I'd probably elope or do immediate family only. Then have a bigger reception next year.
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  • Tee
    Dedicated October 2021
    Tee ·
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    I do think it depends on what you want and value. I’d likely get legally married this year and do a vow renewal in 2022 or later at this point. Please do what you feel is right for you as a couple, and your timeline. Family and friends will always have opinions but it’s your day and even more so your marriage.
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  • Emily
    Dedicated August 2021
    Emily ·
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    I totally get trying to stay positive, but honestly the warm weather isn’t gonna make a difference... that’s what they said last year, and the second surge happened in the dead of summer. Plus, at least in LA it’s never actually that cold. If and when we get out of this it will be because of the vaccine 😩 I’m just hoping it happens sooner rather than later!
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  • Emily
    Dedicated August 2021
    Emily ·
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    For us personally, we’ve already effectively been married minus the piece of paper for a long time so it doesn’t really make a difference. Marriage is a made up institution to begin with, so I heartily disagree that postponing proves someone isn’t committed. That’s actually a very harsh way to look at it. When I see people postponing because of COVID, what I see is people doing the right thing for their and other people’s health (and also people trying to keep from losing tens of thousands of dollars in nonrefundable deposits). That said, I do agree that multiple postponements is too much. I just thought I was alone in this because everyone around me has told me that postponing again and again is the right thing to do (our vendors, family, everyone). Believe me, I have tried reasoning with my FH and family on this but no one agrees with me so here I am 🤷🏼‍♀️.
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  • RaylaSan
    Expert February 2021
    RaylaSan ·
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    I wouldn't postpone, especially at this point, eventually you're just going to have to bite the bullet and have it. Honestly, one postponement is enough, I can't imaging postponing my wedding for the fourth time.

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  • Emily
    Dedicated August 2021
    Emily ·
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    I’m honestly curious now - for all of you saying one postponement is enough (which I agree with!) what would you do if your original postponement date didn’t work because weddings weren’t allowed? In our case, weddings weren’t allowed at all then, and if we had canceled instead of postponing we would have forfeited most of our money since we had fully paid for the wedding already and our contracts didn’t have a force majeure clause. In our case, this would have meant losing more than $20,000. That’s why our vendors kept pushing us to postpone again instead of canceling - it would have been incredibly costly for us to do so and they didn’t want to have to give us any kind of refund/lose what little business they still had in 2020. It’s a lose-lose situation for all parties (although I think it is ridiculous for vendors to not give back money when their services legally can’t be rendered 🤷🏼‍♀️).
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  • Rebecca
    Savvy December 2021
    Rebecca ·
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    I think it’s really up to you and your FH and what y’all want to do. I do feel that 4 postponements is a little much. Personally if I was in your situation we would just have a very intimate ceremony and plan to have a larger celebration at some point in the future (and just not put an exact date on it)
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  • Emily
    Dedicated August 2021
    Emily ·
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    Yeah I’d like to do something intimate in the meantime. Sadly we can’t do that, as I’m my parents have specifically requested I not get married without them present (they live out of state and aren’t traveling for obvious reasons). I don’t want to disrespect them like that and go against their wishes. And re: just doing it later without putting a date on it, I don’t know about other brides, but we were never given the option to just wait it out. Our vendors have all said we need to have an actual date, that they can’t just hold our money. Either we postpone to a specific date or we forfeit it all. And I don’t know about all y’all, but I’m not paying for two weddings... one wedding is already too much.
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  • Rebecca
    Savvy December 2021
    Rebecca ·
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    Ohh okay! That’s totally understandable. Have y’all considered maybe traveling to them and just doing a little courthouse ceremony.
    Oh wow! I’m so sorry that really stinks. Vendors should be much more flexible with all of the COVID stuff going on. Really hope y’all find a date that works!
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  • Carolyn
    Savvy October 2021
    Carolyn ·
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    Wow, I am very surprised to hear the opinions that multiple postponements is “too much”. This is such an unprecedented time, that I feel most anything goes and a lot of grace needs to be given. We postponed from September 2020 to October 2021. If it doesn’t work out this year we are still weighing our options of what we will do.


    For a lot of people not on a specific family timeline, marriage won’t change much necessarily. So wanting the wedding and celebration you’ve dreamed of your whole life (& that you only get once) doesn’t mean that you value a “party” more than the marriage I believe.
    If you are paying for the wedding on your own as we are, the financial loss is a huge consideration. We sat down today and made a spreadsheet of possible options and losses that can incur from cancelling, postponing and not getting all our vendors on the same day again, etc.
    I think it comes down to what your gut says. To me, a wedding that doesn’t feel like my dream wedding isn’t something to rush or spend so much money on when it is just stressful (not to mention if we will be putting lives at risk....). But at the same time, will I mentally be able to handle postponing again? I’m not sure, I am losing steam. It’s a balance there I believe of risk assessment (very un-romantic Smiley winking ) and trusting your gut. Best of luck to you!
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  • CountryBride
    VIP April 2022
    CountryBride ·
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    This is your decision what would be too much postpoining for me wouldn't be the same for you but I will say if you postpone it why not go to late 2022

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  • Emily
    Dedicated August 2021
    Emily ·
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    I was so surprised too! I feel completely the same as you, these are truly such unprecedented times. I really hate postponing with every fiber of my being, it feels utterly ridiculous. But the prospect of losing tens of thousands of dollars and having to RE-plan a wedding is equally crazy, if not more so! I definitely don’t have the willpower to plan another wedding once this is all said and done. And I’m just not willing to put people’s lives at risk right now, so we aren’t going to do anything until all our guests are vaccinated (which will hopefully be the case by August 🤞🏻). Best of luck to you too, this is such a hard decision to make but you got this!
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  • Sexypoodle
    Master October 2021
    Sexypoodle ·
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    I hear ya. But sorry for the confusion, I didn’t mention a lack of commitment. However, I’m sure it will all work out whenever it takes place.
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