Covid - ridiculously stressed out

I’m in the same boat as you! I’ve already had some guests cancel because of covid concerns! I’m ok with them not being comfortable and letting me know earlier rather than later. I really don’t want play mask or vaccine police at my wedding! It’s all outdoors and I will everything necessary for covid. My wedding is September 4 and I’m so over worrying about covid, fires everything! I just want to enjoy my day my friends and family who are attending!

View Quoted Comment Did I say their concerns weren’t legitimate? I actually said “I understand”. However, no we aren’t able to offer just the bar portion. And I can’t guarantee the weather that day either. I have had people decline because of covid and I respect that 100%.

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I'm sorry if I offended you. I hope it works out.

We are set for Nov 5 in Tampa. Most of my guests are flying in from Houston. I am pretty sure there will be no lockdown or limitations from gathering. We have about 110 guests and i asked for vaccination status and and asked the unvaccinated to test before the event. We both have elderly parents and children less than 12 yrs old will be there. If they are your true friends, they will understand and support you. They actually appreciate that we are taking steps to look out for their welfare.

View Quoted Comment How was your wedding? How many people? Was everyone safe and healthy after it? I love hearing from brides who have had large weddings and no breakthrough infections!

View Quoted Comment Who cares if it's uncool? It's a matter of someone's health. A grandparent shouldn't be at risk just because some people choose not to do their part to end this.

View Quoted Comment I so agree. Honestly I am angry. They are giving out vaccines here like crazy. Other countries can hardly get any vaccines and would love to trade places with us I'm sure. I went ahead with planning once they released the vaccine to everyone, thinking we would be in the clear by October.

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Most everyone cares. No one wants to be told what to put into their bodies. And if you've already had an infection, you've got natural immunity and don't need the shot. In fact, a recent study in Israel found that vaccinated people were 40 times more likely than previously infected people to be hospitalized and that natural immunity, which at least half of us have, is 6.7 times more effective than the vaccine. Bottom line is that if you are vaccinated or were previously infected, an unvaccinated person assumes the risk for themselves and poses no threat to you.

View Quoted Comment Lol okay 👌

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That is incorrect. You have a much lower chance of severe infection if you are vaccinated, but that doesn't mean you won't get infected. In fact, a recent study in Israel found that vaccinated people were 40 times more likely than previously infected people to be hospitalized and that natural immunity, which at least half of us have, is 6.7 times more effective than the vaccine. Bottom line is that if you are vaccinated or were previously infected, an unvaccinated person assumes the risk for themselves and poses no threat to you.

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Would you change the entire menu to accommodate one guest's food preferences? I think not. The same with a vulnerable person attending a wedding. The accommodation should be on them, not on the entire party. Grandpa could wear a mask, be seated away from the crowd, or simply not attend and watch it virtually. It makes no sense to hold everyone else accountable for one person's special needs.

My wedding is this coming weekend. Majority of my guests are vaccinated. It’s an outdoor venue. We have 4 friends with covid right now. Two of them vaccinated. I’m in Los Angeles and people are getting covid like crazy. I’m requiring testing now for all guests because of this. I wish I could just cancel. I have so much anxiety about guests getting covid it’s making me sick. So many people I’ve talked to have told me about weddings they know of where guests got covid. Ugh! We had to postpone from Aug 2020 anf now a year later we are back to the same thing. Last week I had 50 people who I’ve already paid for cancel coming to the wedding . 1/2 of them refuse to get tested and the others are just afraid to get covid.

View Quoted Comment I’m not sure why you are refuting my statistic with an unrelated statistic (“percentage of cases that are vaccinated people” versus “likelihood of infection if you are vaccinated versus have natural immunity”) because I don’t really feel like that has anything to do with what I said.


Nevertheless, I think you make a good point about natural immunity because we are honestly not talking about that like we should be (at least here in the US). And as I said, people should be allowed to make their own choices. I do think it’s one thing to want to try and want to have a little control over the situation when it’s people you love (I.e family at a wedding), but the government is not my mother and it’s not its job to keep me safe from ever getting sick.

We required all of our guests to be vaccinated (and all of our vendors were as well). Some guests didn't come because of this and some guests only came because of this. Our wedding celebration was in June, when Covid cases were among the lowest they have been (in our region) since the start of the pandemic.

Your family clearly seems to be a lot more concerned about Covid than your FH's. You two need to decide what your comfort level is, what boundaries you wish to enforce, and make your expectations clear to your guests. Guests can and will choose to attend or not based on the safety precautions you have in place. We strongly believe in the science behind vaccines and have at risk parents, so requiring vaccination for our guests was a no brainer. For us, knowing we created a safe environment ensured that both us and our VIP guests could enjoy the day, and I wasn't stressed out in the weeks following our wedding, wondering if anyone had gotten exposed at our event. If someone had gotten sick and seriously ill from attending our wedding, I would never be able to look back on the day without feeling tremendous guilt and shame.

It might be worth getting a better sense of where your VIP guests are at. I am fully vaccinated, but don't think I would attend a wedding where a large number of guests were unvaccinated, even if masks and hand sanitizer were provided. If your family is constantly bringing up Covid numbers, they are clearly concerned, and talking to them about what might help them feel safer at your event would be worthwhile IMO. Additionally there are a lot of reasons people don't get vaccinated, so talking to FH's family might give you a better sense of whether they would consider getting vaccinated if it made other guests feel more comfortable, or their willingness to mask or get a negative Covid test and quarantine prior to your wedding. You might thinking asking vaccine status or requiring negative tests is a hassle, but I would argue that if the extra effort means your parents are able to enjoy your wedding and actually smiling in your wedding photos, it would be worth it.

View Quoted Comment I definitely see what you are saying. If I was going to ask about vaccine status or require a negative test, it was going to be because that is what my parents wanted. But over the last couple of weeks, my mom has taken on the same opinion that I have which is that we totally understand people may not be comfortable going to a wedding right now, and so we of course won’t at all be offended by the “no”s that we receive. So I have honestly stopped worrying about this so much!
I hope everyone’s big day is everything you are dreaming it will be!!!

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I think as long as you are really clear with your guests what you will and won't be doing to keep them safe, then they can decide whether or not they wish to attend.

For us, we had an indoor/outdoor venue with plenty of fresh airflow (ceremony and dancing were entirely outside), all guests and vendors were vaccinated, our venue was at less than half capacity, and we did plated meals, but we did not require masks (anyone who felt more comfortable wearing one could and all of the serving staff did) and sat different households together at banquet style farm tables. I had a "Covid Safety" page on our website to help guests determine their level of comfort with the precautions we had in place, and we had a few guests ask additional questions to get a better sense of what the day would look like. As long as you are honest and deliver on whatever you promise, then guests choose whether or not your event is for them.

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This is a false equivalency. People's food choices don't affect the health and safety of everyone around them - their choice to get vaccinated or not does. And if 90%+ of her guest list is vaccinated, that suggests those people all want to be as protected from COVID as they can be, which means her grandfather isn't the only one with "special needs." If wanting protection from COVID is a special need, then almost everyone on her guest list has the same "special need." And so do I, along with 99% of my wedding guests.

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Agree, I get angrier every day because we absolutely should've been in the clear for fall. I was planning to just ask on our website/electronic RSVP's that people either get vaccinated or take a test before attending, but now many of my friends and family are getting worried enough that I'm afraid many of them will decline because we *aren't* requiring all guests to be vaccinated. We only have two guests I know of who are refusing the vaccine, so logically the "get vaccinated or stay home" approach makes the most sense for us if we'd only be missing 2 people by asking that and the other ~170 would feel safer knowing the request was made. But unfortunately one of those who refuses to get vaccinated is a bridesmaid who I certainly don't want to boot out of my wedding, so I'm in a really difficult position.

View Quoted Comment It probably depends on how important the one guest is to you versus the other people

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Not being vaccinated does not affect everyone's health, especially if that person is uninfected or already had covid. They're now finding that previously infected people have 6.7 times more protection than those who received the vaccines. And some people (pregnant women, those with certain allergies and autoimmune conditions) cannot get the vaccine. Why should they be excluded? Clearly you're not understanding how the vaccines work. If you have been vaccinated, you're protected from serious infection. End of story. An unvaccinated person is not a threat to you.