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Savvy June 2021

Cutting Cousins’ Spouses?

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Melanie, on December 11, 2020 at 10:09 AM

Hi all, We unfortunately had to postpone our wedding in June 2020, pushing it out a year to June 2021. We’re getting worried that things aren’t clearing up with COVID and are starting to think of back up plans, again. We’ve already been told by our venue that we cannot postpone again, unless there...

Hi all,

We unfortunately had to postpone our wedding in June 2020, pushing it out a year to June 2021. We’re getting worried that things aren’t clearing up with COVID and are starting to think of back up plans, again.

We’ve already been told by our venue that we cannot postpone again, unless there are new government/state regulations.

I have a really large family – 12 aunts/uncles, their spouses, and about 40 first cousins. Many of my cousins are older than me and are married. We’re thinking the best way to cut the list – without picking and choosing cousins – is to only allow guests/spouses for my aunts, uncles, and the wedding party. We’d also cut friends who aren’t in the wedding. This will decrease our guest count by 39 people.

I consider my cousins’ significant others family too, but we’re running out of ideas to make the wedding as safe as possible. I just can’t imagine my wedding without the family I grew up with and think this might be the best option. We don’t want to do a Zoom wedding, but we will definitely share our wedding video when we receive it.

Open to thoughts or other ideas!

Melanie

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24 Comments

Super October 2020
Eri · on December 12, 2020 at 9:13 AM
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I don't think that this is the route to take if you end up needing to trim your guest list. COVID or not, couples are units.
If you are choosing to proceed with a wedding during a time when there are restrictions and safety guidelines, you will have to compromise and make a lot of decisions that flat-out suck. (Though, fingers crossed that things significantly improve by June!)
I say this as someone who got married with 35 guests in October. Our original guest list was 130, and that was already significantly less than it could've been; we invited only the closest people to us.
To say we were devastated to not be able to celebrate with everyone is an understatement. But there were a lot of reasons why we didn't want to postpone, so we did the best we could with our options.
Instead of "cutting" people from the list or splitting up couples, we started over and listed the family units that we absolutely wanted to be there.
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Savvy July 2021
FELICHA · on December 14, 2020 at 6:49 PM
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We are only inviting parts of our family that we are in most contact with. Look back in your phone the last 3 months, who do you talk to? Plus everyone should know that you area trying to follow the rules and not get but hurt.
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Super February 2020
Kaysey · on December 15, 2020 at 10:51 AM
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Just my personal opinion: I think it's highly disrespectful and rude to tell your cousins they can come but their spouse's cannot. If my cousin told me I was invited to their wedding but my husband couldn't come, I wouldn't go and I would be put off by it. Obviously it's your wedding and you and your future spouse can do whatever you want, but I honestly think it would do more harm that good to cut of your cousin's spouses, or any spouse for that matter, off of a guest list. I think it would ruffle some feathers. I could see it if one of your cousins just started dating someone a few months/weeks before your wedding and you not inviting them, but I always think spouses should be invited.
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Savvy August 2020
Lee · on December 15, 2020 at 10:59 AM
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Question - Are these married couples, engaged, dating? I think if you are not inviting a cousin's other half (married, engaged, dating long-term) then I would find this odd and likely not going to be received well. If you are cutting out a cousin's girlfriend/boyfriend of one year or so, then I would fee differently and think the pandemic gathering limitations would justify such a cut. But just my thoughts...
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