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Cynthia
Dedicated May 2021

Cutting our guest list

Cynthia, on January 12, 2021 at 9:05 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 1 31
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So I have resumed wedding planning, my mom was in the hospital with covid, She is now home with an oxygen tank slowly recovering. Anyways as my mom got extremely ill it has put a new fear of covid in me. My fiance and I decided to cut our guest list. Only issue is I have a big family and we are all close. I'm having trouble deciding who to cut. How did.others go about this? Our original wedding had 200 guests down to 100 now down to 40. Also I have some cousins I'm close too (like text every day) and they are not taking this pandemic seriously. I feel guilty for cutting them and I'm not sure how they will handle it. BUT I don't want to bring them around my in laws knowing how careless they are because the in laws are older. I also don't want to postpone again. I just want to marry my fiance. We've been planning since September 2019. I also could just do immediate family but it sounds silly to me to spend over 10k for a dinner for 20 people.?

31 Comments

Latest activity by Jacks, on August 1, 2021 at 3:11 AM
  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Make a list of your absolute must have folks. Anyone not on that list gets an announcement after the wedding.


    $10K is alot for 20 people. Are you able to get any of it refunded or scale down?
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  • Cynthia
    Dedicated May 2021
    Cynthia ·
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    Thank you, we have a A list B list going right now. But my A list is more then half my husband's so I'm cutting now from A list. I tried getting refunds and none of my vendors are willing. It's either use them or lose the money. I was thinking of cutting our videographer and Dj. But that's 700 lost in deposits 😅 We placed all of our deposit in November of 2019.
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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    I would do immediate family and closest friends. I wouldn't include people who aren't taking the pandemic seriously.

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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Do not have a B list. Whatever you do. People do find out they are last minute invites and will never let you know they are upset. Whoever does not your A list (absolute must haves who are not cut) does not get an invite.
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  • Cynthia
    Dedicated May 2021
    Cynthia ·
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    That's a good idea, because we are all close so they will all know right away who was invited and not.
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  • Cynthia
    Dedicated May 2021
    Cynthia ·
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    Now I have my thoughts spinning which has me leaning towards immediate family only. If I invite uncle a and b and not c they will all pressure me to let uncle c come. Or uncle C will just invite himself and his family.
    But what has me dragging my feet is spending that much money on 20 people. For catering we put a deposit of 2,500 and that's more then 100 dollars per person.
    This conundrum is a headache.
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  • Katie
    VIP August 2020
    Katie ·
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    Hi Cynthia! Perhaps cut by groups, such as cutting all cousins and keeping only aunts and uncles. Another is to cut out of town guests and keep it to local. If one of my cousins had to cut me, I would totally understand. Especially given what your mom went through, you may be surprised at how understanding others will be. Hope your mom has a speedy recovery ❤️ Here is a photo of our un-invite if you need a sample Cutting our guest list 1

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  • A
    Super December 2020
    Anais ·
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    I think that’s really the issue. If you invite some cousins, but not others then someone will get hurt.
    When we cut ours down, we just decided to do immediate family (parents + siblings) and 5 friends each. It made it a lot easier instead of having to decide which family member we’re closest to.
    We we’re 19 including us at the wedding and it did end up costing about $10,000 but that includes everything (meal, venue, dress, photographer, cake, decorations, flowers etc...). It’s a lot for 20 people but we saw it as a lot cheaper than it would have been without Covid so we still saved money in the end.
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Set your boundaries and do not let anyone pressure you to ever do anything against your will. Hire security if you feel this will be an issue.
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  • Cynthia
    Dedicated May 2021
    Cynthia ·
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    Love this thank you! Yeah my cousins are less forgiving. But it is what it is.
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  • Cynthia
    Dedicated May 2021
    Cynthia ·
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    Thank you! Yeah but I could see my family questioning why I chose to invite friends over them. But that's the thing there is just to many of them. Big mexican families are tough. But all the pros and cons are leaning towards immediate only. Did you have a videographer?


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  • Cynthia
    Dedicated May 2021
    Cynthia ·
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    Thank you! I will stand my ground and I will not be giving out any details to anyone.
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  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring ·
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    I recommend ypu only invite parents, siblings and closest friends that are local.
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  • A
    Super December 2020
    Anais ·
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    We did not. But we streamed the ceremony and the streaming service we had recorded it onto our phone automatically so we still have a little video.
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  • Mrs.g
    Beginner October 2022
    Mrs.g ·
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    I hear you. We are a big Mexican family, and siblings have at least 5 kids each, then 11 aunts/ uncles on one side, 7 uncles on the other, and countless cousins, that's just one side! We had our wedding 9 years ago and had to cut it down tremendously. A lot of cousins and friends did not get invited and I still feel bad about it, but that's just how it was. Eventually though, they did get over it and we are all still close. Now we are planning our 10 year anniversary blessing /vow renewal celebration for next year (this is common in our circle)- and I am remembering how the guest list was stressful for our wedding lol Smiley heart

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  • Fatima
    Beginner August 2021
    Fatima ·
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    Wow! This is so kindly and thoughtfully worded. This helps me so much!

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  • T
    Dedicated July 2022
    Tyff ·
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    I always think of my B list as people I would invite without hesitation if I had the budget.. not cos they are plan b invites…
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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    Hi there! Usually "B-listing" means a group of people you invite at the last minute when you get declines from the "A-list". It's considered rude because people soon realize that they are second rate invitees.

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  • T
    Dedicated July 2022
    Tyff ·
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    I think that’s a self esteem issue not the hosts problem. If I have space for 85 people I am inviting someone because I want to have them at my wedding not cos I need to have the pleasure of paying $75 per person to fill a seat.. if someone is going to think it’s rude maybe that’s someone who doesn’t need to be invited to my wedding 🤷🏼‍♀️
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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    What? It IS rude to invite a person as a second choice though? The people usually find out because they receive the invitation really late, after the RSVP date has passed. It's thoroughly against etiquette, is what I'm trying to explain...

    It's not a self-esteem issue and it is the host's problem. If you treat someone badly and hurt their feelings, it's not on them, it's on you.

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