Hello everyone. So this is a bit lengthy, bear with me.
My father was injured at work 3 years ago, which resulted in emergency spinal surgery. Since then he has difficulty sitting for too long, especially in certain chairs. The money he received from his settlement was used to buy his house, furnish his house, pay off all outstanding debt, and to purchase a motorcycle.
My fiance and I were already engaged when this happened. I had thrown around the idea eloping, because I really didn't want a big wedding and the price tag that comes with it. So we decided to go with the best of both worlds- a destination wedding in Tromso, Norway. It was going to be our honeymoon anyway, so now we've got two birds with one stone. Plus- not many people are going to want to travel above the arctic circle in the dead of winter when there's no daylight. My fiance is Vietnamese, and his parents aren't thrilled At ALL about this. They tried to talk us out of it, but my fiance put his foot down and told them this was what we wanted.
Now, I had mentioned this to my dad several times over the summer, before we finalized plans. My father spent much more than he should have, and has left himself back where he started- having to coupon clip in order to stay out of the red each month since he's on permanent disability now. I love my father, and we haven't always had the best of relationships. Since his surgery I feel like I finally got the dad I've always wanted. But he doesn't have the financial means to make it to my wedding. Even if he did, I fear that the flight alone would do him in. Not to mention he has Reynaud's Disease, which means if the temperature is below 60F his fingers/toes turn white due to lack of circulation. Blame all the years he spent working as a construction equipment mechanic. It's why he moved down to Florida (I'm in New Jersey).
The bottom line is I'm mad at my dad for not being forward thinking- for not anticipating my wedding. He would have had to spend money to come up north if we'd had a wedding here. Either way he doesn't have the money, and I'm upset with him for it. It's not like we just got engaged and sprang this on him- this has been 2 years in the making. I can't afford to fly him out, and my mother would lose her ever-loving mind if I paid for him and not her. Dad always says he's sorry he can't be there, and when I threatened to call off the wedding and just elope (due to family drama last week) he made me swear I wouldn't do it. He said this is my dream wedding, a fairy tale come true, and that I shouldn't let anyone steal or ruin our special day.
I want to do something nice for him, get him a small gift or something. And I want to include him in my wedding somehow. I was thinking of having him write his 'father of the bride' speech and having one of my family members read it. His whole side of the family isn't coming, but I anticipated that. My uncle from my mom's side is going to be the officiant, and my mom is giving me away. I don't know who would read it.. It'll be a small wedding, and dad isn't tech savvy enough to follow instructions if we stream it live. Does anyone have any suggestions? For gifts, for how to include him? And am I wrong for being upset?
