Dad’s girlfriend, not my step mom..

Christine, a stepmom gets invited as a guest. She does not have the right to try to plan the wedding. OP does not even live near her, I doubt they will have much of a relationship.

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Exactly this. It's not like they're forcing you to attend this dinner.

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I agree... it sounds like you've been bitter towards her since they started dating. The reality is, you're an adult old enough to get married - this woman isn't trying to be your "mom". It sounds like she's probably trying to help and build bonds with your new family. I would recommend you keep an open mind to doing the same. Your dad has been with this woman for 9 years, it may be time to accept her into your family.

I'm glad I;m not the only one who says this. I don't like my mother's husband and that's how I refer to him. People are always so appalled when I don't call him step dad. I would be majorly pissed if he did this to me. If I were you I'd have a serious talk with your father.

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I did, I felt like everyone acted like I am the worst person for feeling that way towards her. Just because my dad chooses her doesn't mean I have to choose her. I thought she over stepped a boundary and I didn't think that was appropriate. She will clearly be at the wedding but it doesn't mean that she needs to be apart of my wedding. I don't know I just don't think that it's fair for people to jump down throats feeling some type of way because I choose to not have a relationship with her.

View Quoted Comment What it comes down to is this: If after you dated a while, you brought your FI to your family and said, we are getting married. How would you feel if after the wedding your father said, I never wanted you to marry him, so make sure I never have to deal with him. Family things, I only want you there. Bring any kids you have over, I expect to see my grandchildren, but never have HIM, SIL, call to arrange anything, invite us anywhere, or reach out in any way. To exile a spouse of someone you say you care about, or treat them as in isible or nasty ,for maybe saying or doing some things you did not like along the way, is cruel to the one you love. It tears people apart. If your father treated your husband as you treat his wife, wouldn't you say, my father doesn't love me, or he would not do this, and cut your father out of your life, not your spouse? You do not have to like people to be civil to them, and as gracious to them as any acquaintance, boss, or coworker you work cooperatively with. It is what mature adults do. And I did not read here about her Interfering with or trying to plan the wedding. Your father called for information, then passed it to her to make the polite overture to arrange a dinner. And perhaps at dinner they talked some of things either one wanted to help with at your wedding, or to get ideas. Nothing sinister.

View Quoted Comment Just because I don’t want her crossing my boundaries doesn’t mean she cannot be at the wedding. She doesn’t need to be involved in everything.

View Quoted Comment She also talked to my FMIL about my ex boyfriend so... overstepping boundaries was done on her part.

View Quoted Comment Did she say awful, hideous things? That you had a previous life, and likely SO, is a fact. Did FMIL tell you that dad's SO went way out of bounds in the way she talked about you? Did she say she was spreading malicious gossip? Was she over the line enough for your Dad to step in? He was actually there, and I assume he saw nothing wrong. Just as he asked you for contact information, and dad passed it to his SO to call your prospective in-laws, it does not sound like anything devious is going on. When she comes to the wedding, she will talk and socialize with people. It sounds like dad is okay with it. Why does her talking with F IL disturb you so? Is there something you are afraid she will tell people?

View Quoted Comment Yeah I’m so scared she’s going to tell everyone my deepest darkest secrets.. except she doesn’t know me well enough to know any secrets. I just don’t think that’s something she needs to bring up. Why bring anything about an ex up? He didn’t ask me for contact information he went around me and asked my FH because he knew that I wouldn’t want her to go sticking her nose where it doesn’t belong. If it was my dad that reached out to his parents and met up with them that is one thing but for someone who knows that I’m not a fan of her to do it, to me that’s malicious. There’s no reason for her to stick her nose where it doesn’t belong, she’s not my mom. I just don’t see why she needs to bring up ex boyfriends that to me is 1) who does that? And 2) why? I didn’t see her parents meeting up with my grandparents to talk about all of the ex’s she’s had.. why? Because you don’t do that. I’m fine with her being at the wedding, but I’d hope at the wedding she doesn’t make herself look dumb by talking about an ex which mind you I was with in high school, so again why? My dad said in the end it was a mistake and he knows he shouldn’t have let her initiate it because he respects how I feel. This post is from a few months ago, and I still stand by what I said. I can and will be Cordial with the girlfriend it doesn’t mean I just adore her and want her sticking her nose where it doesn’t belong. She doesn’t need to over step boundaries and while that may not have been a boundary that’s you would have had an issue with that was a boundary I have an issue with.

Im 13, and my dads girlfriend walks all over me. My dad is also aware of my feelings, and he just ignores it and tells me that i need to listen and appease her. I hate that shes always saying BS about me when I’m right there, and doesn’t care. She says she’s “blunt and honest” but she says everything and is in every conversation. Like when I’m with my girlfriend, she listens in and talk sin with us and just starts a whole new thing to avoid what im talking about with my girlfriend. She says “Oh, you’re just like me!” Yet my worst nightmare is being like her. I don't know what to do.