Date set for April, Grandmother dying, tempted to elope?

Hi there


So we have our date planned in April of next year, and I had only a couple months after we got engaged to get excited and plan before we learned my Grandma who I am very close with, her cancer has returned and it is terminal. She had cancer 27 years ago six months before my Moms wedding and now six months before mine we learned it came back. We live in a different country so we went back for a month and had a small blessing ceremony for her in a wedding dress I bought off the rack (my real dress won’t be here until January)
But I’ve just felt so deflated now about the whole thing. My Fiance already saw me walk to him and do a ceremony for the blessing in a wedding dress (not THE wedding dress though) I want to be excited and focused on the wedding, but my mom is obviously not herself and we’ve virtually done nothing to enjoy the wedding lead up, I planned everything so far myself, and it doesn’t feel like an exciting time in my life because obviously my grandma is very ill and that’s the priority right now. At point I don’t even care about the wedding I just care about the marriage. I talked to my Fiance about just eloping in the next month or two on our terms with just our parents there, and perhaps having the reception when family fly in, in April. (some have already booked flights :/). My concern is my grandma may pass away right before the wedding in April or around that time based on what the nurses said.
We really don’t know how long she has but that’s my biggest fear. I don’t want to grieve and everyone to grieve and also try to have this time. I feel so selfish feeling this way too. I just feel I’m missing out on so much excitement and joy for my wedding and it seems so unfair the timing of everything. My grandma isn’t old so she should be able to be at the wedding but not only will she not be able to attend with my grandad she may not even be here. If she is really ill too, chances are a lot of my family won’t even come over (again they live in another country) and I’ll have virtually nobody on my side coming if that’s the case since it was only 29 people invited on my side.
I don’t know. I don’t want this experience to take away my vision of what a wedding is? Like I don’t want to look back one day and think that experience was taken away from me because I decided to skip it and elope. But at the same time I feel it’s being taken away from me because I have this big cloud over my head and lack of excitement for it because of that. But at the same time part of me wants to elope on my terms, still have it be a traditional wedding but only with our parents and siblings, not just at a courthouse, be married, and the reception can be done later on the actual planned day with the whole family. To an extent it would be a relief because everything has proven to be insanely expensive more than we realized. Nobody would give our deposits back looking at the contracts which is insane to me considering any other event months out you’d have no problem. My mom so far has paid for the deposits and she said she’s fine with losing them if that’s what we decide. My aunt (who married into the family 5 years ago) already told me she’s wearing ivory as well, so I don’t even want her there tbh.
I don’t know. At this point I just want to marry my Fiance and not have the cloud of worrying about it what may happen to be over. At the same time I’m worried I’ll regret not having that “proper” wedding experience I’d always envisioned. Then again, it’s essentially an expensive party and I always felt it wouldn’t feel like a proper wedding unless lots of family were there witnessing it. But I know that’s also not the case. Any advice? Thank you 🥲