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Beginner April 2020

Daughter invited ex stepmom to dw

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Holly, on July 25, 2019 at 12:52 AM

My daughter is getting married in Mexico next spring. Her stepdad and I are paying for most if not all of the wedding. Her father and I have not spoken since my son graduated from high school 2012- his choice. He’s not a particularly nice guy. Back story: He cheated on me with his secretary and left me for her. My kids were 3 yrs & 6 months old. She was also married and had two kids same ages. It was pretty rough for awhile and she was a witch a lot of the time.

Fast forward 20 years, and they are now divorced. My ex- husband cheated on her as well and has since married that woman. I have not met her, but of course she will be at the wedding- I have no problem with that.

My daughter asked her ex-stepsister to be one of her Bridesmaids, okay, accepted that. My daughter has invited her ex- stepmother to the wedding. I am pretty upset about it, as I told her when we talked about guest lists and she brought it up, that I did not want to invite her- thought it would be awkward and too many bad memories.

So can you imagine the scene? It’s going to the ex- wives club! Wife number one ( me), ex-wife #2 and current wife #3. The DW wedding is expensive and a vacation, it’s not like a typical wedding- a few hours of having to be courteous.

I have been looking forward to this day and now I just feel like it will be awkward and sad. Not sure what To do. Don’t really want to give an ultimatum to my daughter me or her, my husband says it’s within my right to say okay if you want the wedding a certain way- then you pay for it. My daughter is almost 29 and fiancé is 31. Thoughts? Am I wrong to feel miffed?

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28 Comments

Beginner April 2020
Holly · on July 25, 2019 at 11:46 AM
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Yes, I agree with a lot of what you said. I don’t see how we can back out now. I suggested that my daughter have a hometown celebration ( I would pay for)- bbq, engagement shower whatever and invite her and any other friends/ relatives to attend. The thought of having to pretend to be happy around her for a week is unnerving to say the least. Of course she is paying her own room/ flights as will other guests. I had thought of doing a catamaran, but now I don’t want to do that. I guess I will just have to deal with it for my daughter’s sake and grin and bear it. But I’d be lying if I said I’m thrilled she’s coming.
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Beginner April 2020
Holly · on July 25, 2019 at 11:48 AM
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Danielle, thank you for your kind thoughts and suggestions.
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Master October 2017
karen · on July 25, 2019 at 12:46 PM
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Your DD is REALLY being insensitive, I am so sorry. She should know better. Would she be OK with her DH being unfaithful. I would talk with her and tell her this is not working out.
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Lady · on July 25, 2019 at 1:07 PM
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I'm assuming this is at a resort of some kind - if so, it's large enough that this woman should be easily avoidable. And I'm guessing she won't want to hang out with you either. Unless it's like a full week of wedding related events (which seems like overkill to me, but to each his own) then you actually do only have a few hours where you may have to be cordial, and then the rest is just vacation and she happens to be on the property.
I get that what happened is not ok, and that you don't want to see her. But it seems like you're kind of blowing it out of proportion.
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VIP August 2021
Jennifer · on July 25, 2019 at 1:15 PM
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THIS. Love this advice! It is a happy day so be happy for your daughter, no matter who is there or not there.
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Master August 2019
Allie · on July 25, 2019 at 1:21 PM
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I agree with this. It seems like she has a relationship with the ex stepmother. That doesn't disappear just because her father remarried.
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Beginner April 2020
Holly · on July 25, 2019 at 5:29 PM
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Actually, I don't have "bad will" towards my ex- do I think highly of him? No, He and the other two wives are lacking in integrity in my opinion-that's their Karma to deal with. I do have to wonder though, why Stepmom/wife #2 would want to attend? She's going to have to see wife #3 who cheated with him on her. Talk about awkward! I can't imagine my ex is going to be overjoyed to have her there. My daughter and son told me their divorce was very unpleasant.
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Super October 2020
Renee · on July 25, 2019 at 11:46 PM
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Stepmom wants to attend because she was there raising her and watching her grow up, same as you and dad. Yeah, seeing dad's new wife will suck but it's her step daughter's big day. She probably wants to see her be happy.
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