Dealing with a bad friend

View Quoted Comment You’re expected to bring a gift to a Bach party? That’s a new one I’ve never heard of. How last minute are u canceling if u drop out of the party? Is it a whole weekend trip or just one night? If it’s this weekend I would feel awful bailing.

View Quoted Comment 100% agree with this!

View Quoted Comment It probably will come off that way to her, but it seems like you’re okay with the friendship fizzling after all of this so I wouldn’t really worry about it. There’s no point in suffering through (and funding) something that you have no desire to attend IMO

View Quoted Comment If you committed to attending and agreed to help with some decorations you're hurting her and the others who are planning. It feels like you want to make some statement to get by canelling.

Also, you gave a year and a half to rsvp. If you wanted a response months ago you should have had a different rsvp date or called and explained you haven't heard and need an answer.

I understand there are years of hurt and frustration but I don't think it's helpful to be spiteful. If you can't find a way to be supportive then maybe consider backing out of everything now. Maybe regardless this is the last thing you will see / do with her, but do you want it to be because you're getting back at her?

View Quoted Comment There’s a lot of misunderstanding in this reply. The bachelorette party invites only came out a couple weeks ago. The party is tomorrow. I didn’t commit to actually doing any decorations as that is the bridal party’s responsibility. I was told I was paying for those though. Just financial responsible. Since the party is so last minute and it’s one night, I don’t think it’s a big statement.

In no world would I give a year and a half to rsvp. The year and a half was her engagement. Weddings take long to plan but civil ceremonies don’t. She was engaged far longer than I have and my wedding is two months before hers. I also don’t understand booking a civil ceremony that much in advance of the “other” ceremony. She was also one of the first to know my dates so speaking of RSVP time, she was given the most time out of any of my guests.

Yes there are years of hurt but this is just another nail in the coffin. All said and done, I just don’t want to give a gift, pay for a party and party when I have a lot to deal with myself.

Who said you needed to pay for the decorations and why did you agree?

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It seems like you don't want to be friends with this girl anymore. Honestly I wouldn't go to any of the events including the wedding. She probably wouldn't want people who really don't care about her to be there. Just cut ties and move on.

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The bridal party. I have not agreed in any form. It was just "understood". I am worried about how expensive the decorations might be as there should be like 8 bridesmaids to split the cost.

I don't know. in my opinion I would be a little peeved if I found out she booked her civil ceremony the same weekend as mine when I've has it planned 8 months ago and then she waited until the very last day to RSVP and say no. She clearly had the information for the wedding. If I were in this situation, I would feel weird about going to the bach party as I wouldn't feel like I'm truly wanted there but I would definitely make an effort to go to the wedding still. The wedding is the most important part whereas the bach isn't compared to the actual ceremony. Never do something just to get back at someone. It's always wise to be the bigger person. if you said you'd be at the bachelorette party I would go for a little bit to see if you enjoy being there. If you don't at least you showed up to support her, buy her a couple drinks and even gave her a gift.

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She clearly doesn't care about me either. It's like hitting a cat on the road going 2 mph vs. 100 mph. If she booked her civil ceremony on my date way in advance and told me early that there was this timing conflict, that wouldn't have been the problem. Or even warned me that there might be this timing conflict. A good friend would have done that. It's that she did it soooo late and then told me at the last minute.

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Yeah, I think you're right and I've been fearing this all along. But ugh, I hate being the bigger person... LOL

That's super petty if you don't go just because she can't make it to yours. If she is your friend you will go and be happy for her.

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OK, can't stress this enough: Please don't respond without reading the entire thread. I just don't want to go to the BACHELORETTE party not the wedding. She's not going to any of my showers, parties or wedding.