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Savvy September 2020

Dealing with Fiancé’s Mom

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Delayva, on July 7, 2019 at 1:45 PM

So because of a huge misunderstanding and cultural differences (let’s call it what it is —> racial), my mother in law doesn’t like me. Do I care, heck no! But I still show her respect because, hey, what can I do? But we’re getting married and I really don’t want her negative energy crushing the life out of me. What do I do? Ignore her the entire time (which I’m ok with, he’s not) or try to have yet another sit down conversation with her? “I’m of a different race, I get it; I’m stealing away your first born, I get it; you just want to see him with someone like you, I get it!”

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23 Comments

Super October 2021
Nicole · on July 8, 2019 at 1:26 PM
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Ugh I'm so sorry you're in this situation. I agree with others, it sounds like you have done your best to bridge the gap. I don't think you should have to deal with negativity on your day. If you and FH want to go over to her and talk for a few minutes, I'd say suck it up for FH. But then for the rest of the night do not feel obligated to talk to her, smile at her whatever....just pretend like she's not there. You'll have plenty of other guests to talk to anyway. Good luck
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Master December 2019
Cher Horowitz · on July 8, 2019 at 1:42 PM
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Sadly, some people just live in hate. Be the bigger person even when she hurts you. I'm sorry you're in this situation! I hope one day your MIL will regret all the awful things she's said about you
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Devoted October 2021
Fany · on July 8, 2019 at 9:03 PM
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I have a similar issue but it’s regardless of race. And it’s mostly me not liking my FMIL. I simply smile and greet her. Chat with her about the weather or how busy I’m studying and leave it at that. When I’m over my FH’s parents’ house I keep my nose in a book or I’m sewing something. I also play with my FH’s 5 year old niece. Sometimes I do chores around their house. My goal is to stay busy so I don’t have to talk with her or my FH’s older brother.
In the past we have had conversations and it seems like they are occasionally offended by something I say. The funny thing is, they never mention it to my FH, which tells me that they know they are fabricating the story or have their own insecurities. When I ask others’ opinions of what I said being rude, I always receive a “no.”
Heck you can’t please everyone so I told myself I wouldn’t waste my time jumping backwards over eggshells.
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