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Destiny
Beginner September 2024

Deciding on keeping or dropping bridesmaids

Destiny, on January 23, 2022 at 12:10 PM Posted in Planning 0 10
I am currently engaged. Now that I am engaged, wedding planning has been in my daily thoughts. Amongst these thoughts I have been trying to get things under way. The wedding is July 7th, 2023. With that being said that leads to what I need advice on. Before even deciding on a date, I shared my engagement with some friends and family. Well in my sharing, I asked a few people if they would do the honor of being my bridesmaid. One of my friends seemed so willing to help with things, so I promoted her in being my maid of honor. Anyhow, everyone I selected was game for being a bridesmaid and maid of honor and what not. And so, I began looking for people that could our makeup. I had reached out and asked everyone who would be interested in getting makeup services. Everyone yet again was game for it. So I initially found someone and I created a group message telling them about the pricing of it and gave them my cashapp info so they can send me the payments. I did all the way back in October/November. I set the deadline for the payments to be due January 1st because I knew holidays would have a major financial grab. I even told them that if say problem would arise to let me know in advance. To speed this up, I send out a reminder text to reminder about the payment and to still let me know if any problems would arise. I did not hear anything from anyone, so I assumed all was gonna go as planned. Well January came and went. I didn't hear anything. So I moved thr date yet again. I pushed it to the following week. I let them know that it was now 2022 businesses book quickly and I do not want to keep putting it off and be out of a makeup artist for the wedding. I finally heard back from one of my bridesmaids. She made her payment and apologized for the delay but I still hadn't heard anything from anyone else. And so finally the week of the following week after the 1st, I told them that final deadline was gonna be Jan 21st. If payments were not made by then, I will not allow any of them to be in the bridal party. They could still come to wedding but they will not be walking the aisle. So all payments should be made. It is now January 23rd and I end hearing back from my maid of honor and one of my bridesmaids. They both told me some things that came off as excuses. I can only empathize to a degree. Because for the simple fact, these situations happened well after I made the initial text about makeup. So to me at this point it was an excuse. My dilemma is since I still have received any payments after I strictly set a final deadline, do I demote everyone and look for another set of bridesmaids or do I just walk down the aisle by myself. I really want to express my feelings behind because I feel like if this were the case I would have just waited to pick out bridesmaids and maid of honor. I just want to know what I should before making final decisions. Please help.

10 Comments

Latest activity by Linda, on January 25, 2022 at 3:24 PM
  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    Your wedding is so far away. I’ve never heard of bridesmaids having to pay for makeup a year ahead of time. I owed my artist a deposit when I signed a contract and didn’t owe the final balance until the morning of the wedding. I wouldn’t be so quick to demote everyone. If you know the holidays are hard financially, why did you set a deadline immediately after the holidays?
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  • Cece
    Rockstar October 2023
    Cece ·
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    I know you are excited about your engagement and getting the ball rolling on planning, but it sounds like you are needlessly rushing the wrong items. It is advised that you don’t even pick bridesmaids until 6-10 months before the wedding. If you have a make up artist you really want to work with and want to lock her in now, that’s fine. But all the artist is going to require is a deposit from you, not a total balance from everyone. If you really want this make up artist, you should pay that deposit and worry about collecting money, etc. from your bridesmaids down the road. However, it sounds as though you are telling your bridesmaids if they do not get professional makeup services done, then they are not allowed to be in your wedding. If that is the case, and you are requiring your bridal party to have their makeup professionally done, then it is your responsibility to pay for all of their makeup services. The same goes for professional hair services. If you require them to have their hair professionally done, or in a particular hairstyle, then you would be required to pay for those services for all the girls.


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  • Shannon
    Super July 2022
    Shannon ·
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    Your timeline is way off. Choosing bridesmaids shouldn’t be done until 6 months prior to your wedding as things tend to change. And why would you request payment year and half ahead of time?
    If you demote them and replace, prepare to lose those relationships.
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  • L
    Super August 2023
    Lunajay ·
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    Honestly if it was me, I'd give them a bit more time (like tax time), if they still looking like nahh then I'd tell them they would have to do their own make-up. I wouldn't want to demote any of my friends and make them feel like I said "well #$%* y'all #@!*%$ then". Just have yourself and the one bridesmaid get beautified.

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  • S
    Super September 2022
    Sarah ·
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    I’m confused on a couple things. I only needed to put a deposit down that went towards my makeup to book the artist. Everyone else will pay day of the wedding. Also, it sounds like you are requiring them to get their makeup done otherwise they “can’t walk down the aisle.” As PP mentioned if that’s the case you should be paying for their makeup. So I think you need to slow down and realize they are there to support you but your wedding isn’t the number one thing on their mind right now.
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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    This whole post is confusing. Why do you need to pay the entire balance now? Your wedding is a year and a half away. Your bridesmaids also shouldn’t be required to have professional hair and makeup services to be in your wedding. If you are requiring it, you pay for it. It sounds like your expectations are way too high. You will greatly regret kicking your friends out of your wedding and completely ruining those relationships. If it’s that easy for you to drop your friends and just select new bridesmaids, maybe you should take a good look at your friendships and the way you treat people.
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  • Destiny
    Beginner September 2024
    Destiny ·
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    I appreciate all of your advice. I've decided to keep all of my original bridesmaids. I also sent out a group message apologizing to them for rushing them and putting so much pressure on them. I needed the reality check and this was it. Thank you all
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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    Ok, so I see that you're starting to understand some things. A few more to consider. These people are your nearest and dearest, not your employees to fire or promote at will. Walking the aisle is a way for you to honour them in your life, not the other way around. They don't owe you anything around this wedding.

    If you're requiring hair and makeup, then you need to pay for it. If it's optional, then it's their choice about whether they can afford it. They are responsible for purchasing their dresses and showing up on the day. That's it.

    Pre-wedding events such as bachelorettes and showers are optional and hosted by someone that volunteers to do so as a gift to you. It's not something that is assumed you'll get.

    I'm glad you apologized to them about the misstep and checked here. One final thing, dropping people from your wedding party will end the relationship with that person.

    Accept all things coming your way graciously, but try not to assume or expect.

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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    There are many posts on the forum where brides ask friends to be bridesmaids immediately and the wedding is over a year away. Relationships change over time and there is nothing they need to do before 6 months before the wedding so it is strongly suggested to wait until that time to ask them. If you have already asked anyone, you cannot revoke the invitation without ending the friendship.



    Truthfully the only responsibility anyone has is purchasing a dress of your choice and showing up on the day of the wedding to support you and enjoy themselves.
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  • L
    Dedicated June 2023
    Linda ·
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    Why would they be paying for make up services this early? it does not make sense. You cover the deposit to book the service and they can pay as it gets closer to the date.

    disregard: saw your latest comment

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