Decision Time: Hypenated? Two Last Names? or Maiden Name?

View Quoted Comment That's great!

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Well, when we get married we keep our last names (we each have two last names, first the fathers last name than the mothers last name) we are still married but we dont take husbands last name.

When kids come, we put the name, fathers last name first and the mothers last name after.

for example my name is Lizbeth Ayala Diaz

Ayala being my dad's last name

Diaz being my mom's last name.

Why? i dont know it is just the way it is for us. And i for one like it very much so!

I'm hyphenating my name, my dad has just my sister and I so I want to keep his last name, I'm even going to hyphenate my kids name....

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Ditto.

Also, to add, those considering using their last name as a second middle name (i.e. Jane Amy Doe to Jane Amy Doe Smith), since getting married and changing my name I've had a handful of people say that was a nightmare too, especially with travel, and ESPECIALLY with traveling in middle eastern countries. They said it ends up being a problem b/c your ticket will say JaneAmyDoe Smith or Jane Amy Smith or Jane AmyDoe Smith and your ID might say Jane A Smith or Jane Amy Doe Smith with the spaces and TSA and other countries won't let you through. Just something to think about if you travel.

That said, I have always hated my long easily made fun of last name, and switched to my hubby's last name. So far the process has been fairly simple, aside from the mean global entry guy. I'm established in my career, and H thought maybe that would be a problem or deterrent, but it's been pretty easy and gave me a reason to reconnect with old colleagues and update them!

But I think to each their own. This is such a personal decision that I don't think it right or wrong no matter what you choose!

View Quoted Comment I've heard people have a hard time dealing with a woman being her own name or hyphenating it instead. I don't care honestly. My decision is related to my personal career and my identity as a published author.

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Lol have people have their hard time, not our problem. It is not my fault my culture is like this besides i think is weird taking your last name off and putting your spouses one instead... i am my own person, but i digress!!!

I'm taking my FH's last name. This is my second marriage and when I was married the first time, I took his last name. When we divorced 10 years ago, I never bothered to change it back to my maiden name (which I had no particular attachment to), purely for convenience sake. So.....here I am still walking around with the ex's name.....doesn't really seem right to keep that while marrying someone else, and this many years later, it would be just as odd to go back to my maiden name. So I'm changing it to his.

All of that said, I actually like the tradition. A word of caution to those here who are quick to throw out the "antiquated, sexist, stuck in the 1800's" comments.....although you are professing not to be, you are being just as judgmental as those you are criticizing. I don't feel any less independent or accomplished by embracing what I see as a nice, family-oriented tradition, and I certainly don't feel inadequate for being happy that it makes my FH happy.

Having been theough the whole name change thing before, I can attest that yep, it's a huge pain in the (bleep). But it's a temporary pain, and then it's done. I have many, many professional accomplishments and (I like to think) a well established personal identity. None of that is going away. My resume will always be my resume. My stories of all the wild things I've done and people I've made laugh out loud, will always be my stories. Changing my name the first time didn't affect that, changing it this time won't either. My FH LOVES the fact that I am independent and self-sufficient, and he celebrates that all the time. He adores who I am, and I, he. So while I actually DO applaud anyone who makes this decision (maiden name, his name, her name, hyphenated name...) for whatever reason suits them, please don't judge, however passive-aggressively, those who are making a different choice.

View Quoted Comment I never thought if the affect on international travel. Thanks for the heads up.

I've struggled with this as well. I am currently in a doctoral program and have a publication under my maiden name. After some (a lot) of thought, I've decided I'll change my last name. We want to start a family sometime in the near future, and I want our whole family unit to have the same last name (and having 2 people go through name changes just sounds like an unnecessary hassle). My mom actually never changed her last name, and she supports me doing so. Actually, when I talked to her about it, she was like "whatever you do, just don't hyphenate. Pick one. You have brothers. Your dad's name already lives on)." This is such a personal choice with so many layers of complexity.

View Quoted Comment Great points. I didn't sense anyone being judgemental at all in this forum which is nice. The reasons why we are making these choices are valuable. I appreciate everyone for sharing their perspectives.

My FH and I are both keeping our last names. We're both established in our careers as attorneys. We're currently planning to hyphenate our future kids' names.

View Quoted Comment A friend of mine has a similar scenario and decided to keep her maiden name.
I'm a published author and i have a career so the implications are more about my "career brand".

View Quoted Comment Good point! My career is the driver in my decision.

View Quoted Comment Exactly!.🤣

Im so stuck on this. I love my last name, it's so unique and a huge part of my identity. Its Dutch though, and two words, so it gets messed up a lot. However I also want to have unity with FH. I struggle because he has no attachment to his or that side of the family, there is no family tie to keep that name going, but he doesn't want to change it. Whereas I have a huge tie with my name and am potentially the very last chance to carry it on. I think I'll be moving it as a second middle name and then take FH last name. Idk....this stuff is stressful....

View Quoted Comment That's a wonderful heritage! Thanks for sharing.

View Quoted Comment It can be. I wish you success with your decision.

I took my husband's last name because I'm Hispanic and hated having two long last names. Anywhere I'd go I'd have to cut one to make it fit or have to correct people in pronunciation and it was sooo annoying plus I wanted us to have just one family last name if we ever have kids. That way we all be Cordovas

View Quoted Comment I sent him a screenshot of this. Thank you for sharing . He had no idea that there was any meaning to his name (nor did I). My family is uber Italian and very into our roots and it amazes me how little he knows about his own.

I think this day in age, there's less and less stigma (rightfully) about doing it whichever way you'd like! I am changing my name, but I think in some situations I wouldn't.

But growing up I didn't have the best family life, and I have always felt closer to his family than my own! His dad is even the one walking me down the aisle, I know that's so weird! But I am honored to have a new name to represent the family that accepts me so lovingly and unconditionally, I am so lucky to have them.

Really I suppose it is a decision you'll have to make after lots of thinking about, any maybe signing your name a few dozen times!