Decline an invite due to breakup

It’s not super common but it would depend on the circumstances. Depending on how serious they were, your friend might not be in the emotional headspace to spend a day celebrating love. Did they say why they had declined? There are so many potential reasons that a break up wouldn’t be my first guess.

I agree with giveme. I know one wedding where a guy came alone after recently splitting with his wife - the friends were 'his' so he attended and she didn't (despite both rsvping from memory) I can't imagine that would have been easy for him and it would have been understandable if he'd left early too.

I wouldn't assume it was that it was hard to celebrate a day of love for someone else necessarily, either...it might just be tough to face all the questions from ALL of your friends at once about why the partner wasn't there, what happened, etc etc. They might have just decided they couldn't face that if the breakup was recent.

But, on the other hand... weddings are great places to meet other people, and also you usually rsvp well before the wedding date anyway, so I'd have thought even if you had just broken up when you received the invite, you might be ok to attend by the date the wedding actually rolled around.

View Quoted Comment Thanks! Hmm the reason was a bit vague since it was over text - something along the line of now that I've told you, hope you understand I can't make to your wedding next month.. Wanted to go initially but won't be able to make it work.


I'm guessimg that meant the breakup.

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Is there travel involved? Maybe the friend could afford/justify the cost of an overnight stay somewhere and gas etc to get there when there were two people to split the total, but not if he's going to go alone, and have to shoulder the cost by himself.

View Quoted Comment Right? That was what I thought. Also, the group of friends who know about his relationship /ex is quite small (2-3 peop and there is no way my friend's ex would've been there.

View Quoted Comment Opps hit Reply too soon with my last msg.. Was going to say I feel like it'd also depend on how much one wants to make it work (to attend a friend's wedding). But anyways, yes there would be travel involved but I think he's okay financially. Good suggestion though and with another I might think it'd be the case!


It's good to know I'm not weird for finding this a bit unexpected!

I have never heard of this? Everyone is different but people in general don’t decline social invitations because they have ended their own relationship with someone.

View Quoted Comment Yeah.. I've never encountered it either...i would understand if it was some random party. Oh well it is what it is.

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No, definitely a bit odd!

I haven't personally seen it, but understandable I guess. The other thing is it may be a Covid concern but they don't want to mention it? Just another possibility. Anyway that sucks, but they've given you lots of notice.

I’m not sure how common it is, but there’s plenty of reasons why a break up could impact attendance. There’s the emotional— weddings are a difficult place for the heartbroken ! But also particularly if it’s a long term or serious relationship, a break up can have some big ripple effects in unrelated areas in day to day life, especially financially. Particularly if there is travel, transit can become an issue. I would expect that it is not personal but just what I’d guess is best for them at this time. There were likely lots of small factors that went into the decision.

View Quoted Comment That's fair. In the end, I am appreciative of my friend letting me know with enough notice. I'd rather that than having him rsvp than backing out at the last min for sure!

View Quoted Comment "Likely lots of small factors" is a great point and I can relate. You are right I should be looking at this beyond the breakup and even if I can't 100% relate, I can respect the decision and not take it personally.

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Yes, totally. He did the right thing around that.

If there’s travel involved, this may have been the one small detail that made him decide against it.
It’s hard to hear that someone can’t make it, but at least this wasn’t a last minute cancellation.
I try not to get caught up in why someone decided not to attend, people are pulled in so many different directions.

View Quoted Comment Yeah you are right. I was initially disappointed but it's not worth getting into details of the exact reason. Like you said, at least he notified me within a very reasonable time frame/before the rsvp.

View Quoted Comment I know I will have to remind myself of the same thing when waiting on RSVPs! I want everyone I care about there and will be sad for the ones who can’t make it.

I know! I can't help but feeling a little disappointed when someone declines even if I completely understand the rationale and tell myself why fewer people might be better anyways.. Maybe part of it is that when everyone is so dispersed geographically, it's just hard to see people easily and the wedding could've been a good get together occasion!