Was asked in the height of the pandemic to be a BM to a friend of 4 years.. I knew she was thinking out of the country for the wedding in 2022 . She mentioned somewhere tropical or abroad, she herself said it wasn’t a typical wedding but a party. She picked an inclusive hotel that is extremely cheap but in a foreign country. I know 2022 seemed like a far away but with covid , I was nervous. I’m vaccinated , take precautions. At first, She was super accommodating in the beginning. She said it could be a vacation, but I wasn’t thinking that. It’s turning into a crazy expensive trip. Now thinking, Childcare, dog boarding, passports, plus now the hotel is no refundable and airlines are over 800. She originally picked an inexpensive, then all of a sudden when we accepted.. it was I want to go to out of state on a plane for my Bach party. It had to be a certain location, certain time of the year. Not one night, but 4 nights. Gave her options. She even wanted the MOH to pay for her flight. The MOH declined. Nope.. then it went like aww this is my wedding. So of course, we agreed to go out of state. We are late in our 30s and knew this was important so we agreed. Now her cousin wants to throw a shower at a fancy place. Didn’t ask, the date, venue, food. no opinion. Then she says 4 out of the 7 BM are not chipping in nor are the mother and other sister but you can make payments. It was only 250 but you know it will run 400. I had to put my foot down, so I said sorry I can’t chip in when half of the people are going are not. Also it’s for 30 pp. of course that turned into a show, which frankly the bride should have not been involved. The other sister is over the top and demanded we all chip in and made excuses for the people that were coming, eating drinking and not paying, I was told one of them isn’t working and the others are younger so they can’t contribute .. I offered to host it at a house, everyone (except for the bride- brings a dish, all chip in for alcohol. Plus we to give a gift. Nope.. somehow the bride found out about it, and now is shutting down and saying she doesn’t want a shower. She is focusing on the wedding and Bach party. Ok- NP. We offered a dinner, brunch, shower at a house. but the people who aren’t paying, can travel to the Bach party and the wedding. We haven’t spoken and honestly I’m hurt. I recently had to cancel the Bach party because I’m working in a pandemic. I’m a lawyer and I can’t get off now, and have a trial the next week. I even offered to eat my money to bear no burden on the rest. I’m loosing on the flight that I paid. LSS, the bride flipped out, called it BS, and basically didn’t believe me. I’m giving her 5 months notice. When I tried to be reasonable and say this wedding is costing close to 4k it was my fault. Am I’m being ridiculous .
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